Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Butt-head

Where are the women in this video?

Beavis

Yeah. They need some chicks, too.

Butt-head

[sees Watt urinating in a bottle] Is he peeing?

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah! He did! That-- yeah, that uh, that's the name of the song. It's called "Piss Bottle Man". Yeah.

Butt-head

Uhh...that's pretty cool, I guess. You know...

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, why not, you know?

Beavis

Hey Butt-head, I was thinking, um…

Butt-head

Shut up, Beavis.

Beavis

Oh my god…

Butt-head

You may be about to see the coolest video you have ever seen in your life.

Beavis

Ohhh.

Butt-head

Now Beavis…uh…Beavis?

Beavis

Ohh. Ohhhh.

Butt-head

[cut back to Beavis and Butt-head. Beavis is completely fixated on the television screen] Uh, Beavis?

Beavis

Ooohohohhhhhhhh. Ohhhhhhh.

Butt-head

This guy's probably just, like, a stuntman or something. I bet he's not even in the band.

Beavis

Ohhhhhh, noooooo.

Butt-head

Like, what's the song supposed to be about, anyway?

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head! Aaaaahhaaa. Ohoooooohhhhh,

Butt-head

[seeing a homeless man throwing a can] Whoa! Look at that dude back there.

Beavis

Ohhhohhhhh.

Butt-head

Uh, Beavis? Beavis, are you there? Beavis, what's your problem?

Beavis

Oooooooohhhhhhh. Oh no.

Butt-head

Beavis, it's not even real, it's just like, special effects.

Beavis

Aaaaaahhaaaaa. Oooohhhh no. Ooooooohhhhhhhh no.

Butt-head

This is cool! This is a damn good video.

Beavis

Ooohooooooo.

Butt-head

It's like, uh…Beavis, are you gonna say anything.

Beavis

Nooooo…

Butt-head

Dammit Beavis, snap out of it. Dumbass. I'm gonna change the channel.

Beavis

Butt-head, I'm only going to tell you this once - if you touch that remote, I'm gonna kick your ass.

Butt-head

Yeah right. Dammit Beavis, snap out of it right now. [slaps Beavis multiple times]

Beavis

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Whoa, what happened? Where am I?

Butt-head

Uh, you're right here, Beavis. What's your problem?

Beavis

I just, like, blacked out or something, what going on?

Butt-head

We just saw a dude running around on fire.

Beavis

No way, really, and I missed it?

Butt-head

Uh, no, you saw the whole thing, dumbass.

Beavis

Wow. Uh, I dunno, I wasn't here.

Beavis

Hey, look at that. Mmm, that looks good! I like those things, they got those things over in the mall, they call 'em, um..."heroes"?

Butt-head

Oh yeah. Whenever we walk by there, the guy goes, [Greek accent] "Gyro? Gyro? Gyro?"

Beavis

Yeah. One of these days, when I have a lot of money, I'm gonna get one of those things.

Butt-head

Yeah. That would rule.

Beavis

This is one of those workout tapes. They make you work out to this tape, you end up looking like a wuss.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Put it in.

Butt-head

Put it in? Cool!

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Put it in. PUT IT IN!

Take my love and put it in...

Butt-head

Man! I bet this is, like, the horniest dude that ever lived.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He should, like, wear one of those Viking hats with horns on it.

Butt-head

What? You're a weirdo, Beavis.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

How come every time I'm talking about chicks and stuff, you just like, don't get it?

Beavis

I get it! It's just that, you know, I thought it would be cool if, like, he had this hat on with some horns on it. Yeah.

Butt-head

Yeah. Eric the Rod.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. The Rod. See? See? I got that. Yeah. The Rod.

Beavis

Whoa, check it out! That's that same cat from that Janet Jackson video.

Butt-head

You're looking at the cat? How old are you, Beavis?

Butt-head

Someday, Beavis, you're gonna have urges like me.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head. I'm checking out the chick, too.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

Whoa! Skulls are cool!

Beavis

Yeah. [closeups of eyes are shown] Eyeballs are cool. Let's try taking our eyeballs out.

Butt-head

That would be cool! I'll go get the pliers.

Beavis

Yes! Yes!

Butt-head

Oooh!

Beavis

Aaaah!

Butt-head

Ooh, baby! Do that thing you do!

Beavis

This chick is hot!

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

I'd like her music a lot better, though, if she like, didn't wear as much clothes.

Beavis

Yeah. If she was, like, completely naked, I might go out and buy the album.

Butt-head

Yeah!

Butt-head

She's got one of those ribbons that all the rock stars wear when they get an award.

Beavis

Yeah. What are those things?

Butt-head

They're, like, these ribbons that they give you when you get one of those awards for, like, being rich or something.

Beavis

Yeah. Being rich is cool!

Butt-head

If you're like, rich...

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

...you can buy, like, fast cars and, like, houses and...like...ribbons.

Beavis

Yeah.

Hi. Welcome to Y2K's big fun, fun show. I'm your host, Y2K. I'd like to introduce you to today's very fun, very special guest, Baby No Money!

Beavis

Baby No Money?

Butt-head

Most rappers brag about how much money they have, but not Baby No Money. He's poor.

Beavis

Got the lowest self esteem in hip hop.

Butt-head

He got his suit at the Goodwill.

Butt-head

He's one of those guys who sings all, like, drowsy. Like he's taking sleeping pills.

Beavis

Oh, yeah yeah. Yeah, everyone sings like that. [mimicking bbno$] "Nalochalemanayaaaaa..." Yeah, sometimes I talk like that when I take a bunch of codeine cough syrup, you know? "Lafaghuphuchasomnacho..." Maybe these guys like, take cough syrup all the time and they're like, um... they're like, I don't know... what's that word when, when you take something all the time and you can't stop? It's like, um addick... addic- a dick...

Butt-head

I think the word you're looking for is "cool."

Beavis

Oh yeah yeah! Yeah, yeah my uncle is cool to crystal meth! Boy, cool can mean a lot of things, can't it.

Butt-head

The word "cool" is cool.

Butt-head

Oh no...

Beavis

What, what?

Butt-head

When I see puppets, I know what comes next. They're gonna try to teach my how to read.

Beavis

Oh God...

Butt-head

All puppets ever talk about is letters.

Beavis

Yeah, it's like after A, B, C, D, the rest is just a blur. You know?

Butt-head

You said "D." [cackles]