Smart Butt-head quotes from Beavis and Butt-Head

Beavis

Oh no, I think this is that video where this guy just sits there and, like, mumbles the whole time.

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

I think it's called "Numb."

Butt-head

It should be called "Dumb."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. [reacts to someone tying a rope around The Edge's eyes] Yeah, yeah, get his mouth! Yeah, tie it around his mouth!

Butt-head

Yeah. Tie his jaw shut.

Butt-head

That guy's saying, [softly] "Uh, excuse me, Edge? This really sucks, maybe we shouldn't do this."

Beavis

Oh yeah.

Butt-head

And then Bono's saying, "If you don't stop singing, I'm gonna make out with you."

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah. "And I'm gonna rub my chin all over your boobs."

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

Wait a minute! This is cool.

Beavis

Boy, he's got a lot of self-control not to like, you know, do anything about that.

Butt-head

Uh, yeah, but you can't see his hands.

Beavis

Ohh yeah. Oh yeah.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Kick him! Yeah, there you go, yeah. Shove your foot in his mouth!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Beavis

Ooh, yuck! She just kissed him where that chick put her feet! That's yucky!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

Check this out. [a man whispers in The Edge's ear] "Thank you very much, Edge, now will you please get the Hell outta here?"

Beavis

Yeah, yeah. "Up yours." [The Edge appears to give the man the finger] Yeah.

Butt-head

What is this?

Beavis

Yeah. What is this?

Butt-head

This is that Ugly Kid Chode.

Beavis

How come he calls himself "Ugly Kid" and it's like, he's not even that ugly?

Butt-head

Do you find him attractive, Beavis?

Beavis

No way, Butt-head. Shut up!

Beavis

All right, Van Halen!

Butt-head

Van Halen kicks ass!

Beavis

Yeah-hh!

Butt-head

Uh...

Uh...

Beavis

Um...hmm...

Butt-head

Uh, ohh boy.

Beavis

Umm, is this Van Halen?

Butt-head

Uh...yeah, but it's like, where's Eddie?

Beavis

Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean, how could they fire Van Halen from Van Halen?!

Butt-head

Yeah.

Butt-head

[scoffs] Athletes.

Beavis

Yeah.

Butt-head

Uhh...this is kinda like, a country video. 'Cause it's like, you know, it has, like, football players and like, old people and dogs and stuff in it.

Beavis

Yeah, yeah, it's like, every time you watch TNN, all the videos have that stuff in 'em.

Butt-head

Yeah. All they need now is a big pickup truck.

Beavis

Ohh yeah, yeah.

Butt-head

Uh, I don't like the way he's looking at me.

Beavis

Come on, you wanna start something?

Butt-head

Yeah, it's like his lower jaw sticks out further than his upper jaw. You kinda look like that too, Beavis.

Beavis

No, I don't.

Butt-head

This guy's like, trying to make his voice scratchier than it is.

... even whores can fall for someone...

Butt-head

[imitating Walden's singing] "Even whores fall for someone..." Anyway Beavis, your lower jaw sticks out further than your upper jaw just like this dude.

Beavis

Dammit, Butt-head, it does not.

Butt-head

I think that's part of the reason you look so stupid.

Beavis

No way, Butt-head. I look cool. Not like this guy.

... I'm just speaking from my heart...

Butt-head

Are you listening, Beavis? He speaks from the heart.

Beavis

He speaks from his butt.

Butt-head

You know Beavis, he actually kinda sounds like you, too.

Beavis

Shut up, Butt-head!

[sensually looking at the viewer] ...Tell 'em go and search for someone...

Butt-head

Look at his face.

Beavis

[does a horrified spit take] AHHHH! That was horrible!

Butt-head

I think maybe you need to listen to it again, Beavis. [begins to rewind the video]

Beavis

Butt-head, do not rewind it.

Butt-head

Maybe you're not listening with your heart.

Beavis

No, no, come on Butt-head, no no no, don't rewind it, come on! Butt-head, no! [Walden looks at the viewer sensually again] AHHH, NO! Come on! Butt-head, no! No no!

Butt-head

I have said all I have to say.

Beavis

Dammit, Butt-head... [wretches] I need to go throw up.

Butt-head

You think those guys sleep in separate beds?

Beavis

No way!

Butt-head

Why are these guys so snotty?

Beavis

Yeah. They look all pissed off.

Butt-head

Yeah! And tired!

Butt-head

What's that guy doing back there?

Beavis

He's wang chunging.

Butt-head

That guy's peeing!

Beavis

That's cool! I peed in the gym once!

Butt-head

Really? You're pretty cool, Beavis!