[Otis and Pip are eating candy from their gift basket, while Abby, Bessy, Pig, Peck, and Duke are still inside the giant wooden moose.]
Man, this candy's good, isn't it?
DukeYeah, glad to hear it, Otis. Now, can you get us out of here, please? There's only one exit, and Pig's stuck in it.
This is so not shaboogie.
Uh, don't worry about it. Freddy'll have you out in no time.
[Freddy passes by with a ladder. He climbs up the wooden moose with the ladder.]
Okay, guys. This is my first moose, so close your eyes, pretend you're in a pencil cup, [holds up a chainsaw] and hope for the best! [starts cutting through the moose as the animals inside scream in horror]
[Peck and Freddy approach Krebs]
We heard you're looking for Otis.
Otis is there, if you want him, you'd better go through us.
Hey, look, i don't want any...
[Peck and Freddy laugh]
You're in for it now, beak-face. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because we were the barnyard's champion taunters six years running.
Look, look, guys, i just want to talk to Otis, you see, I recently-
We know you are, but what are we?
[Peck and Freddy laugh again, then high-five each other]
I'm warning you, cut it out.
[The duo make goofy sounds, taunting Krebs. Krebs's head throbs and his eyes bulge up, turning bloodshot. He then blabbers and shakes with fury as Freddy and Peck look at each other, worried, then spins into a fight cloud]
Run away! [he and Peck try to run away from the fight cloud, but Krebs yanks them in, beating them up; poking out] Mommy!
[Abby gasps; Peck and Freddy are thrown into the barn doors]
Duke
He can't do that to our friends. Come on fellas. [charges toward Krebs with Pig and Pip at his side]
No, don't! He'll tear you into pieces while enumerating the parts of your body in an insulting fashion!
[The trio leap and begin to attack Krebs, but are caught in the fight cloud]
NNarrator
Two-hundred and thirty minutes later...
[Krebs continues beating up Pig, Pip and Duke]
[laughing] Oh, mercy! Come for the stupidity, stay for the butt-whupping.
I can't just stand here... To the well! AAHHH, WELL! [jumps in the well]
Otis, does Pig seem to be acting odd to you?
Pig, odd? What are you talking about?
Butter churn, I can no longer resist your charms. Hold me.
Abby, what Pig and the butter churn have is beautiful, and I won't let you destroy it. [Pig kisses the butter churn] Okay, now it's getting weird.
Duke
Hey, Pig. You feelin' alright?
[suddenly angry] WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, HUH?! No one talks to me like that! [Duke screams] Oh, it's over, Rover!
[Duke runs screaming with Pig on top of his head.]
"ANGRY?!" YOU BET I'M ANGRY! I AM SO ANGRY!
Duke
Help! He's off his nut!
[dismounts Duke and hugs him sadly] Oh, Duke! I'm so lonely... [strangles Duke] NOW, I'M ANGRY AGAIN! VERY, VERY ANGRY!
Duke
[to himself] Hang in there, Duke, you've just been poked, drilled, humiliated, but there was nothing they can do to break you.
[returns with a bucket of leeches] Okay, Baxter, time for your butt-leeching. Who's going to his butt leeched? Baxter is, yes, he is.
Duke
Okay, that's it! [knocks leeches into Glove's face and runs away]
Oh, the leeches are on my face! [stumbles into wall] Who's draining my face blood? [hits head on examination lamp] You are, yes, you are! [collapses from blood loss/head trauma]
Duke
[after calling Baxter on the phone] I'll show Baxter, I don't need the farmer, I got all the friends I need right here. So, uh, who wants to deworm me?
[The animals are confused]
It's time to do the barn meeting. Listen guys, we can't let Baxter get away with this, we need to get him out of the house once we get Duke back inside, but for all these sakes.
Duke
If Baxter sets me up for good, the farmer won’t even take me back to another place.
Listen Duke, you just need to help the farmer get rid of Baxter until you save him from a bear.
Ooh, i like where this is going.
Duke
It’s because i don’t know, Freddy.
Don’t worry, animals, won’t even be a real bear, it's going to be me in a bear costume that can make me dress like a bear, the farmer needs to take Baxter outside to take a walk every afternoon.
I didn’t say that yet, Freddy.
I don’t know why i'm not confused.
[Daytime, the farmer takes Baxter out for a walk]
Okay Baxter, you lead the way. [Baxter barks; chuckles] What a cute little dickens. [suddenly, a real bear jumps out from behind a tree! Baxter screams] A bear! Get him, boy, get him! [Baxter circles around the farmer then pushes him toward the bear] Huh, what, don't, stop. Bad dog, what are you doing?
Duke
[watches them through binoculars] Look at Otis in that costume, here we go, it’s showtime. [charges straight towards the bear, wondering if it was Otis who was wearing the bear costume]
[The bear looks around as Duke kicks his leg, double kicks his back, bites his rear end, and Kung Fu kicks his face. Being knocked out, the bear stops near the farmer's feet]
[unharmed and surprised] Well done Duke, you saved my life, you saved me from the bear, i’m not going to kick you out. Can you just forgive me? [The farmer pets Duke's head just as Baxter approaches them, the farmer glares at him] And as for you, Baxter, look what you did to me, you threw me to the bear, bad dog, you're going back to the animal shelter to find a new home.
[As Baxter watches the farmer walk off with a hurt expression, he turns to Duke angrily]
Goodbye Duke, this isn't over, i'll be back, you'll see, and then we'll- [gets yanked away]
Duke
Come on Otis, get up, the farmer is heading straight to the animal shelter before Baxter finds a new home, he can't recognize you in your costume.
[in a bear costume, approaches] Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar! [takes off the mask]Hello Duke, what happened? Where’s Baxter? Where’s the farmer?
Duke
The farmer sent Baxter back to the animal shelter. Who's that? Is that the real bear? [points to the real bear]
BBear
It’s time for a round two, sheepdog.
Duke
Wait, i can explain, you see, that other dog stole my identity in the previous episode, and recently returned to try it again.
BBear
Who are you? Professor Exposition?
[The Professor Exposition gag is shown.]
Duke
Who? [the bear pounds him into the ground and leaves]'
Duke
First the lights, then the scream, Now the locked door, This has Hockey Mask Bob written all over it!
There is no Hockey Mask Bob. Someone get me a shovel. I'm breaking this door open.
Not me. I'm waiting right here so he doesn't get me.
[Hockey Mask Bob grabs Pig in the basement and the animals start to panic that Hockey Mask Bob was here]
All right, stay calm. Nobody panic.
Because I'm gonna panic enough for everyone. [panics] OH MY GOSH, IT WAS REALLY HOCKEY MASK BOB! HE'S REALLY REAL! AND HE JUST TOOK ABBY AND PIG AND NOW HE'S GONNA COME AFTER THE REST OF US!
Duke
Stamps, these are my friends, Otis, Abby, Pig, Pip...
Duke
Peck...
Duke
...and Freddy.
[Freddy greets Stamps with an arrowed plunger on his face]
SStamps
It's nice to meet you. I can't stay long, Dukey. We just want to stop by and get your blessing, then it's off to Vegas for the wedding.
Vegas? That's practically in Asia. Why don't you guys just get married here at the barnyard?
SStamps
Oh, we wouldn't want to be a bother.
Oh, it's no bother. The farmer is away for the whole week at Fire Dance Camp.
[At Fire Dance Camp, the farmer, wearing a grass skirt, fire dances]
SStamps
In that case, we loved to get married here!
[Otis and the others chatter in excitement. Freddy muffles as if to say, "Weddings are good!"]
Duke
So, Stamps, where's my future bro-in-law anyway?
SStamps
Right behind me with the bags. Here he comes now.
[A figure, with its legs seen, carries three bags]
Duke
Look at him, carrying your bags all gentlemanly. I like this guy already.
MVMale voice
Thanks, Darren.
[The figure, which turns out to be Baxter, drops the bags]
[As Otis and the others gasp in shock, Freddy pulls the arrowed plunger off of his face]
Duke
Baxter?
That's right. Your sister and I are getting hitched.
Duke
Whoa, whoa! [pushes his nemesis aside] Stamps, you can't marry this guy. He's a total conman!
Yeah, he stole Duke's identity and try to get him kicked out of the barnyard!
And then he tricked the farmer into adopting him and got Duke kicked out of the house.
And once he cut off a guy's hand and expelled him from the Jedi Council!
I like movies. [a flashback shows Pig, disguise as a boy, watching a horror movie in a movie theater] Don't go in there, the monster's in there! Don't do it, old friend! You believe this? It's like she's not even listening. [answers the phone] Hey, I'm at the movies. Alice just went into the room where Dracula is waiting. Well, of course, I've warned her!
[Back in reality]
Duke
I'm telling you, this guy is trouble.
SStamps
Dukey, it's okay. Baxter has told me all about his past, but he's different now.
That's right, Dakron, your sister's love has made me a new dog.
SStamps
Will you please give us your blessing, Dukey? Please? [looks at her brother with puppy dog eyes]
Duke
Oh, geez, with the puppy dog eyes? Alright. But I'll be watching you, buddy. [makes an "I'm watching you" gesture]
SStamps
Thanks, Dukey! Ain't that wonderful, honey?
It sure is, Cuddle-wuggles. Give me some sugar.
[As Stamps and Baxter rub their noses together, Duke growls angrily while he bares his teeth]
Back at the Barnyard · 303 quotes
