[To Moxey] Nae room at the inn... again. Same auld story - sudden party of travelling salesmen booked in this afternoon, yer kna what I mean?
That's difficult to say really, Neville. It's strictly no overalls, no muddy boots, no alcohol and lights out by 10:30!
It is - they've only got double beds, and one of us'll have to sleep with Oz!
Five knockbacks. Everywhere we've tried had a sudden spate of bookings!
Yeah, it's obvious the ol' Pringle's been on the blower. Looks like we've been blacklisted by the entire Licensed Victualler's Association of North Derbyshire!
Ah, we've not done much better.
The places we've tried aren't exactly geared to the needs of the working man.
Well... spa country this, ain't it, Nev, eh? Gentility rules.
Well, as Contingency Plans A and B seem to have failed, I suggest we try Contingency Plan D.
Find somewhere in Chesterfield.
Chesterfield?! That's ganna mean a fifty mile round trip! Look, man, we're ganna be wrecked before we even get to work, which means we're ganna be more wrecked before we get on the drink!
Which leaves Contingency Plan E.
Move into the house itself.
Aww, I divvn't know about that!
It gets my vote, fellas! Listen, listen, it's cheap, right, it's big, and we'll have it all to ourselves, right.
Yeah, right! It gets my vote an' all! I stayed in the pantry one night and survived!
Ah, it's pretty crusty though, isn'it, eh? It's in a hell of a state. Partly due to the fact that we've been knocking seven colours out of it, like. I mean, even the rats have pissed off!
Look, um... I said we'd give Dennis a ring before eight. See what he says, eh?
Aye, leave it to the leader.
[On the phone to Barry] Yeah. Okay. Alright, thanks, thanks a lot. [Puts the phone down and speaks to Bomber and Wayne.] They've drawn a blank, so it looks like a move into the manor for the moment. Sorry, Bomber.
BomberIt's not your fault, Dennis. You're only the gaffer on site. You can't be responsible for any irresponsible act of any daft bugger outside of work.
Right, come on. [Dennis and Bomber leave, leaving Wayne to carry his and Bomber's bags out.]
Bomber
I found this, Wayne. Should take the chill off the room.
You'd need a bloody blowlamp to take the chill out of the atmosphere, though, wouldn't you?
Bomber
[Setting the rug down] 'Tis true you wouldn't win any popularity contest at the moment.
[Moving a chair and some throws] Look, if I'd known old Arthur was going to reach that badly, I'd have thought twice about strumpin' his daughter, wouldn't I?
Bomber
Yes, and having had those thought, you'd still have gone and done it. [Starts laying the rug as Wayne sweeps the debris from its path] Knob law, that's what you're ruled by, Wayne. As soon as there's a fire in your loins, there's a freeze-up in your brain.
Yeah, but normally it's only me that suffers, ain't it? Grazed knee from shinning a few drainpipes, the odd pulled muscle from doin' it to the old Bolero at 45 instead of 33. [Bomber looks up, still mad at Wayne] Yeah... Look, I might have dropped me mates in it 'cos I couldn't say no to an afternoon of passion, but she wasn't 'alf worth it.
Bomber
Well that's some consolation to us, Wayne(!) [Gets up] Right... while you finish your jankers, I'll have a scout around, see if I can't find some mattreses and cushions. [Leaves the room...then pokes his head around the door] You'd better decide which one of the twenty-two bedrooms you're gonna lock yourself in!
Mind that snake there, Moxey.
Where? Where?! [Drops the sandwiches onto the ground.]
Ho-ho! So much for special undercover agent Mulcackey, eh? Falls at the first fence, doesn't he?
[Picking up the sandwiches] It was hardly a fair test, Oz! Anyone would react to a snake warning, no matter what his name was.
Ah, it's only what the police'll do, though, Brendan. You can't expect them to write you a letter tellin' you when they're comin' to see you.
I know, I know. I'll just have to concentrate a lot harder. Anyone want a butty? These are ham. [Bomber grabs one.]
I'll have cheese and chutney. [Neville grabs one of the sandwiches on the chair. Wayne come up to get a sandwich from Moxey, who turns away from Wayne.]
[Grabbing the last sandwich from the tub] Not you! [Wayne turns to the chair.]
[Grabbing a sandwich from the chair] Thank you!
[Taking the last sandwich from the chair] Oh, I see. Gonna be like that, is it, eh?
Bomber
Sorry, Wayne. You can't expect any consideration from us when you show none in return!
Who is this Brendan... Mulcahy anyway?
No, it's not. It's Mulcahy. It's the name on the papers.
Yeah, I know. I can't pronounce that, though.
What's the point of havin' it as a false name, then?
I didn't have any choice in the matter, y'know. I didn't go to Rent-a-Name. It was an alehouse in Kilburn. I could hardly call meself F-F-Fitzherbert C-Carruthers!
Well, it's just as well. You can't pronounce that either, can you? Who is Brendan Mulcahy anyway? I mean, does he exist, or is he just a creation?
He's probably a dead man.
See, what happens is, one Mick snuffs it over there in potato land, an' his family flog his passport an' that to another Mick so he can come over here an' work, y'know.
Bomber
That's not all he might get up to either.
What? D'you mean the IRA, Bomber?
IRA bomber's right. You might find the anti-terrorist squad on yer tail, Brendan, as well as yer ordinary plods!
You're really reassuring you are, Oz(!)
[Tapping the bar] Another pint here. When you're ready.
Now, now, now, Tiger. Don't overdo the sarkiness. [Barry tries to stifle his laughter] Otherwise we'll have a little video showing for the brewery, won't we? Show 'em what their tenants get up to after hours.
[Bringing the pint over] Did I ever tell you the time when I was taken prisoner in Malaya?
No, I don't think so, no.
These little gooks with coloured hair put me in a bamboo cage. [Wayne glances briefly at his dyed dark red hair] They abused me with sticks, humiliated me. They thought they were safe, you see, 'cos I was behind bars. Then I was rescued by my pals in the SAS and as a revenge, I strung the little bastards up by the ankles and horsewhipped them! That'll be 87 pence or do you want this one on the house(?)
[Keeping score as Moxey throws] 21... 399. [Moxey collects his darts from the board, and gives them to Oz] Has he said owt to you yet?
Happy Harry, man. Pringle.
No, nothin' Mind you, I'm not exactly lookin' for conversation.
[As he throws] I'm just waitin' for one word out of line, me, an' I'll pin his ears to the bloody dartboard with this!
Bomber
There's still a bit of an atmosphere in here, isn't there?
Aye. Reminds me of a funeral parlour, Bomber.
Ah, come on, Neville. You were moanin' when wor were banned from here. Now yer moanin' 'cos we're back. I mean, just be grateful for small mercies, eh?
I am. Just find it a bit depressin' to round off me workin' day sittin' in a place where I'm not really welcome.
Bomber
Could be worse for me. I could be goin' home to the wife. [Dennis laughs]
My wife's not like that, though, Bomber. Always makes us feel welcome when I get back from work. Always got a kiss for us, a cup of tea, talk about what sort of day we've had, play with the bairn for an hour.
Me? What makes you think that?
Look, why don't yer take the weekend off? Go up and see your Brenda.
Don't think I could afford to lose the money, Den.
It's only for one day, we're not workin' on Sunday.
Could I? [Dennis nods] But... would you not be a man short for Saturday?
Bomber
I think Den would rather be shorthanded than have you long-faced.
[Cheered up] Ah. Good lad. [Gets up to go to the bar] My round. [Shouts to Oz and Moxey] What do you want, lads? Same again, is it?
Bomber
Hello, Neville. Nice weekend?
Oh, aye. Not bad, thanks. Ate too much, of course!
[Eating from a tin] Cannae whack the wife's cooking, eh?
I'll say... [Holding back that he'd made the Sunday lunch] Is Dennis about?
Yeah. He's upstairs sulking in the office.
Aye. We had a gan at him this afternoon in the bar, y'kna, aboot this job and Ally Fraser an' that. Didn't seem to take it all well, like.
Anybody fancy a cup of tea? [Everybody shouts except Barry who's been trying to cook a sausage on the fire, only for it to catch fire!] Everybody? Fine.
Hello, Nev. [Neville puts a mug down on Dennis's desk] Did you have a good time?
Aye, not bad. Nice dinner with your Norma today.
Oh, aye? She all right? [Pours some brandy into the mug.]
Well... no, she's not all right.
She's worried. About you and Ally Fraser.
Well, I'm hardly having an affair with Ally Fraser, if that's what she thinks...
No, but you're more than just an employee, aren't ya?
What are you getting at, Nev?
[Getting defensive] Has Audie Charlies been jangling it again, has she? Look, there's nothing in it, Neville, man!
Isn't there not? It would explain a lot of things, Dennis.
You bodging this conversion, for a start. It's not like you to put up with shoddy work, Den. No, unless that's what Fraser wants from you.
Neville, in case you hadn't noticed, the construction industry in this country's knackered. We can't be too choosy about the work we do anymore because it might be the last we're ganna get! Look, if I can keep my head about water and feed my kids by skimping on a conversion for Ally Fraser, I'm ganna do that, man. So would you!
You must owe him an awful lot of money to talk like that, Dennis. [Dennis realises his secret is out.] How much?
[Quietly] £6,000. At the last count. And that's not including interest, like.
Which, knowing Ally Fraser, will be about 50%! Why, Den? For God's sake...
You wouldn't understand, Neville, man! Look, you've got a happy marriage. And I've never had one. I mean, yer kna what it was like for me when I came back from Germany, what with Dagmar and... [Sighs] For a while I tried to make things better by throwing money about. I was wrong, wasn't I? By the time I realised I was wrong, it was too late. I'm in a hole now, with Ally Fraser looking down at me.
Well, why didn't you tell us? We're your mates!
It doesn't concern you, Neville, not directly, anyway!
It does! If we're having to compromise ourselves as well, it does!
Neville, man, it's just a piddling little four-week job. If I bring it in on time, into Fraser's meagre budget, I'm in the clear. And if I don't... well... I might just end up in the Tyne with my pockets full of bricks.
How do! [Howard gets out of his Range Rover with the plans.]
There's been another slight change in the plans. The kitchens this time.
Don't tell me... they only have to be big enough to fit, er, one microwave oven?
Close, close. Well, let's go and see how far your lads have got, shall we?
Ah, morning, fellas. It's a bit early for a tea break, isn't it?
Aye. Howay, lads, shape up a bit, eh?
If ya took them stupid glasses off, Hedgehog, and had a look about you'd see there's nae teacups lying around. That's 'cos it's not a tea break, it's a strike!
[Incredulously] A strike?!
Bomber
That's right, sunbeam. A strike.
Ah, well you'd better sort this out with your gaffer.
No, you sort it out with yours! You tell Ally Fraser nothing gets done here 'til he upgrades his conversion! And, more importantly, he takes the squeeze of Dennis!
It's all right, Den, we're all determined about this.
Hey, now, what's going on here?
Look, you got the message, didn't you, Hedgehog, eh? Piss off and pass it on to Fraser.
Right. If that's the way you boys want it. [Howard storms off.]
[Knowing Fraser will send his goons down to confront them] Thanks a bunch. [Sits on a broken toilet] Thanks a bunch.
Nev told wor all about it, yer kna, everything.
Bomber
Dennis... it seemed like a choice between doing this job properly or being loyal to you.
Well, we figured we can do both.
[Singing] Oh, don't forsake me, oh, my darling / On this our wedding day... [Stops singing and tilts his hat up to see Ally's Jag approaching] I think the boys from the brown stuff have just arrived! [The Jag stops in the grounds. Big Baz and some other goons get out as the lads gather.]
Er... did I ever tell anyone I was a Quaker?
BBBig Baz
We've come to persuade you back to work.
I don't suppose we can reason with 'em, eh?
Bomber
I think it's too late for that now. [Barry puts his glasses on.]
[On seeing Harry take a large monkey wrench out of his holster] That's what I call a monkey wrench.
Oh, yeah. I know how to use it, an' all! [Throws it at the goons, it hits the Jag and breaks the windscreen. The goons and the lads rush towards each other.]
Don't hit me, don't hit me! I'm a bleeder! [The goon grabs Barry. Meanwhile, Bomber grapples with Big Baz.]
[With a goon, arm behind his back] Anyone got a match? I'll set fire to this bastard! [The goon uses his other elbow to hit Moxey and punch him to the ground.]
[On another goon's back] Yeah! The Fightin' Side of Me, Oz. Remember that? It's one of Merle's best! [Oz smashes a chair over another goon's back and knocks him out.]
[Gets on another goon's back. To Neville] Get him! Go on, hit him! [Neville starts punching at the goon's torso. Barry faints.]
Bomber
[To Big Baz] If you fights dirty, I can get angry! [Grabs Big Baz and punches him in the face. Barry wakes up and runs away. Oz jumps on top of the Jag and leaps on Barry's pursuer, sending all three to the floor. Oz punches him out while Barry gets up. He almost kicks him, but pauses.]
[To Barry] Do you want to? Go on. [Barry feebly kicks the goon.] There!
[Walking in] 'Ey, I'm knackered! 'Ey, we've been thrashin' along today, havvn't wa?
Bomber
New incentive scheme, Dennis, sangria and señoritas. Works a treat.
It's a load o' bollocks, really, yer kna. We're only gannin to Skegness! [Bomber and Neville laugh]
I tell yer what it is - if Fraser doesn't come up with this Spanish trip, I'll personally brick 'im up alone in that shithouse.
Listen, Oz, if this trip don't come off, you can brick me up there in there with him. I don't think I could live with the disappointment. Marbells... you've got your pick of your Euro-crumpet in Marbella.
We're supposed to be gannin there to work and earn a bit o' money, Wayne. Remember Money?
Ah, you're wasting your breath, Nev. I think Wayne has invented a new form of currency - wages for sex.
[Sighs] It's crucifying me this, lads. I mean, hearin' all this, knowing I can't come.
An' there's no way you can get out of it, Harry?
Not unless they put her dates back. I mean, fancy havin' open heart surgery at a time like this, eh? I mean, it's really inconsiderate, in't it?
It is a bit of a pisser, like, 'cos we're bound to need a plumber when we get over to España, aren't we? Kna what I mean? That's just one of the things they haven't yet cracked, isn'it? Like playin' football without hackin' each other to death, or buildin' hotels where all the windows fit, or gettin' all the hairs out of the backs of their bacon rind. These are some of the things what the Spics haven't mastered.
'Ello, 'ello! Only three hours? I thought you said you weren't a speed freak!
Ah it's not bad, Wayne. Y'know, I mean you could've built a garage in that time, never mind repair one.
Well, I hope you don't expect to be paid for this afternoon.
...Just pour us a cup o' tea, will ya?
Come on then, blow-by-blow account!
Bomber
The boy looks wrecked. She certainly taken it out of him.
[Sighs] Unbelievable. It's the only word for it. Unbe- I mean if I told yer, yer wouldn't believe it, so...
Well we won't know till you tell us, will we?
Well, yer kna what I was saying in the bar the other night aboot, eh, aulder women?
Yea, experience an' all that beef... Dear me! This one... this one makes Simone Signoret look like Shirley Temple, that one!
Doesn't mean nowt to me! I've never seen either of them.
Well I'll try and put it another way.
Yer kna when footballers get to a certain age, they've gotta slow their game doon? Yer kna, but they seem to get to be better players because of experience, yer kna. Like Johnny Giles, Leeds and Éire. I feel like I've been playing with somebody like him after ninety minutes of soccer.
It's funny you should mention that about footballers, Oz. 'Cos the only older woman I ever had looked like Billy Bremner! [Everyone laughs]
Yer do things on the spur of the moment, Oz, without ever thinking them through. I mean, where were you gonna take the lad, eh?
Well I wasn't gonna hang on to him, man, I only wanted twenty four hours with him, to find out how he feels aboot this trip abroad, man. Find oot how he felt about this Sandro gadgy. And she wouldn't let us anywhere near the bairn, so I had to dae what I did, didn't I?
Bomber
Well she'll be even less disposed to let you see him now.
Ah, so you met the Italian in question, did you?
Aye, yes, we exchanged one or two words, yes.
What sort of person did he seem then, Oz?
Well, he seemed perfectly affable and pleasant and polite, but I mean ye cannae gan on that, can yer? He's a waiter, he's trained to be.
Oh come off it, Oz. You said in the car that he was a nice enough sort of bloke.
Aye, but them were first impressions, weren't they? He's gotta be a bit micey if he wants to lob up with my Marjorie!
[Holding a couple of mugs] Shall I do another pot? [Everyone murmurs in agreement]
No, I'll do it, pet. [Exits into the kitchen]
So, when do they leave, then?
If you ask me... just in my opinion, like... I think living in Italy might benefit the lad. I mean, he'd had the climate, when he comes back he'll be bilingual, a wonderful advantage. I only spent one night in this area and I'll tell you it was a bleeding terrifying experience!
Yer can't judge a place on one night, man!
[Overlapping with Dennis] What's wrong with this place? We've all seen Wolverhampton, it's not exactly Beverly Hills, is it?
Bomber
Here we are. [Places the mugs into the sink.]
Ah, you didn't need to do that. I'd have seen to it.
Bomber
That's all right. Just glad to get out of the smoke. [Picks up a tea towel and starts drying up]
Oh, you've not left your wife, have you, and run off with a sailor?
Bomber
[Smiles] If you do, you'll be the first to know.
Honestly, it's been like Heartbreak Hotel here this week, I'm thinking of leaving me job at the hospital and taking up marriage guidance!
Bomber
Well, we'll be off in a couple of days and you can get some peace and quiet.
[Enters the kitchen] Brenda?
The kettle's not ready yet, pet.
No, could you come and have a word with the lads, please? [Brenda takes off her gloves and goes into the living room. Bomber takes over doing the dishes.]
Brenda, er... We're all agreee we think Oz has got a case here. I mean, we think that he should see his young lad before he's whisked off to a foreign country.
Oh, I quite agree, Dennis.
The main problem is the situation with Marjorie is... delicate, to say the least. I mean she has to understand that Oz seeing his son won't be a threat to her. I mean, that's only right and proper.
So, er, we thought the best way to convince her would be, erm... if you had a word with her.
The food doesn't seem so good tonight, does it, Wayne?
There's no difference in the food, son. It's the mood that's down the crapper.
Well, it's got to be said... [Burps] ...this latest development with this Martin gadgy, I mean it's took the shine off the trip to Spain to everybody, hann'it?
Of all the blokes in Newcastle, you had to pick on him.
He picks on a lot of people, Nev. So the odds aren't that outlandish!
Hold on a minute, hang on, it wasn't me who started that barney, it was that Martin gadgy, man, wann' it?
Hey, hey, if you remember, the incident occured because you tried to get into his old lady's knickers.
Oh, hey, hold on! I don't think you're one to point the finger aboot that, do you, eh? We've been dropped in the clarts plenty of times by your rampant member, haven't we?
They never forget, do they?
Bomber
C'mon, lads. Fair's fair. That Martin's a born headbanger. And I can't say I fancy working alongside him.
Hey, Moxey! Where've you been?
I called 'round your house, Den, and er, your sister said you were all in here.
[Calls down the table] Give him a chair, somebody.
Before I do, though, there's just a couple of things I'd like to say, y'know. Er, I've got me passport sorted out, y'know, so I can go to Spain. There's no problems there.
[Sets a chair at the head of the table for Moxey] Fantastic!
But I know I've caused you lot a lot of aggravation, y'know, with all this duckin' and divin' an' that, so, er, well if you don't want us to go, y'know, I'll understand, and there'll be no hard feelin's.
Get this man a drink! He's the guest of honour.
Guest of honour? He's the man of the year as far as I'm concerned! [Shouts to a waiter] Another one here!
You've turned up, sunbeam, that's what you've done.
Somebody better tell that Martin fella to forget it.
The Magnificent Seven rides again! Yahey!
Bomber
You came in the nick of time, my son.
I'm made up! You lot don't exactly owe me any favours.
It's you that's doing us a favour, man. [Stands up, glass in hand] A toast, to Moxey! [They all raise their glasses]
It's great to have you back! [Moxey smiles]
Francis Fogarty? [Laughs] Where did you get Francis Fogarty from?
Well it wasn't my idea, y'know. If it was up to me, I'd like to be called Derek. But no Derek died in Kilburn on Tuesday.
What was it Fraser said aboot us coming doon here? He was sendin' a team doon to help the British unemployed. Ho, ho, what a lot of bollocks! [Takes a swig of a bottle of beer.] It's obvious we're here 'cos there's not a building worker available from Malaga to Gib!
Bomber
I never saw so much building in all my life!
It's a brickie's paradise!
Mind, I think it's ruined the view.
Aye, but think of all the lads they're employing, man. They must all be millionaires.
Y'know, I had a totally false impression of this place. I thought it was all, y'know, yachts, and playboys with Porsches. I've seen more bloody cranes than sports cars!
Yeah, y'see, leisure is the new growth industry of the eighties.
We ain't got the climate, have we, Nev? Look, look. [Points to a giant water slide] When would you ever see a bloody water chute in Wolverhampton High Street?
Bomber
It's nice to think you could retire to somewhere like this. I suppose the best I could hope for is a caravan near Clevedon overlooking the Bristol Channel.
At least people would talk to you there, Bomb. You'd have neighbours and friends. Where out here, you'd probably wind up next to some people like that couple who hoyed us out of their pool today.
Aye. I know we were trespassing, like, but as soon as I seen his face I hate him. He's just the sort of person that makes you ashamed to be English.
In all fairness, Oz, he probably feels exactly the same about you.
What? Well, he shouldn't, should he? 'Cos I'm isn't. He is. He is. Every time I see his sort, the hairs on me back curl up!
Yeah. A prick, in my language. He's the sort of bloke who'd sit in the golf club all day, moaning and groaning, or write to the papers about [Posh accent] how people don't pull their weight. [Normal accent] Then what does he do when he cops his pension, eh? Whoosh! Body sweve doon to Spain so he'll not get collared wi' nae tax!
Er, when did you last pay your income tax, Oz? Was it...
What's that gotta do with anything?
I thought you lads might be a bit thirsty.
Oh, San Miguel? [Wayne and Nev take a beer from the tray.]
Vicky, just bring that over here, will you? I'll take care of that. [She puts the tray on the table] There you go, gentlemen, help yourselves to a beer. I'll be with you in just a moment. Uno momento. Vicky? [Goes into the villa. Vicky follows.]
Always wondered what our Vicky would look like unwrapped.
Look, Vicky, when we've got these cowboys around the place, it might look better if you didn't go around flaunting yourself.
[Looks down at her bikini-clad body] Who's flaunting?
D'ya think that bikini's the height of discretion? I used to use bigger plasters to cover my pimples.
Yes, well, you don't complain as a rule, do you? [Reclines on the sofa]
Well, as a rule, I don't have seven randy brickies running around the patio!
Well, there's going to be no point in going out is there? I mean, I cannae sunbathe, I cannae go for a swim 'cos there's nae water in the pool, I cannae play me records 'cos I cannae hear them for the concrete mixer...
Are the arrangements not to your liking, Vicky?
Is the villa no longer up to scratch? May I just remind you that two years ago, when you were a manicurist at Maison André, your idea of the holiday of a lifetime was a fortnight at Redcar!
Listen, I travelled before I met you, Ally Fraser. Me and me friend Barbara had two successive summers in Magaluf.
Och, well, in that case... In that case... [Picks up the phone and hands it to Vicky] Why don't you just give Barbara a bell? See if she's still got the tent!
Afternoon, Ally. Didn't expect to see you back this early. [Fraser produces a copy of The Sun.]
Is that an English paper you got there?
That's right, Oz, I've got an English paper. Something I'd like to read to you here, boys, I don't want to take up too much of your valuable time. If you just gather around, please. [The lads down tools and gather round Fraser.] Right. Are we all sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. [Reads from the paper] "Spain's Costa del Crime is still a haven for the growing band of Brits who Scotland Yard are," quote, "'anxious to question'. Kenny Ames, 47, who persists in denying he was Britain's King of Porn, continues to sun himself on his luxury yacht in Marbella."
Ah, that sounds like the one we were on, is it?
[Continues reading] "No doubt, his companions, newly arrived from England are business associates." [He puts the paper down for the others to see.]
[Pointing to the photo] Hey, that's us!
Hey, look at that! Centre spread!
I've seen much better photos of me than that one, though.
What's Brenda's folks ganna say?
[He picks up where Fraser left off.] "I spoke exclusively to the new arrivals in their luxury hotel."
"They were evasive about their reasons for being in Spain, one of them claiming that they were members of the Wolverhampton Aqualung Society." [Looks at Barry, then back at the paper.] "Research has shown that no such club exists. Meanwhile, police continue their search for the gang who pulled off the daring payroll robbery in Sheffield last week." [The lads voice their disdain.]
Bomber
Who wrote that rubbish?
Wasn't that geezer who was buyin' all the booze in the bar the other neet called Nick?
Is this your idea of keeping a low profile?
Why, that story's a load of bollocks!
I know that, and I bet half of Fleet Street knows that, and in their effort to discredit this story they'll be down here buzzing 'round you like flies 'round a jam jar!
Well, why don't we just tell 'em we're ordinary gadgys?
[Presses the paper to Neville's chest] Working on my villa, I suppose? Well that's precisely exactly what I'm trying to avoid, my friend!
Wait a minute, I mean, we can still be ordinary gadgys. Just down here on holiday. We just have to make it look convincing, that's all.
And how do we do that, Dennis?
Well, er... you'd better give us the rest of the week off.
GGeoffrey
Good heavens! Look at this. [Gives the paper to Pauline, who looks at the photo.]
PPauline
I'm not surprised. [Throws the paper onto the floor.] One only had to look at them.
GGeoffrey
I sometimes wonder if Worthing wouldn't have been a better idea.
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet · 320 quotes
