Aqua Teen Hunger Force quotes

Shake

I'm gonna catch some Z's and for your sake I hope it doesn't rain... and Carl, when I get up the sheets had better be different. Because your Lawrence Taylor linen set...is not a sexual turn-on...when I'm jerkin' off in your bed.

HE WAS A CHAMPION! (struggling in his chains)

Shake

YEAH!

You don't touch those sheets, you're gonna be pullin' back a stump!

Shake

ALL OVER YOUR PRECIOUS WATERBED!

I'm gonna get you, Cup, if it's the last thing I do!

Shake

Yes, I'm sure you will. And by 'sure' I mean, I highly doubt. (chuckles as he leaves)

Frylock

Shake, wait. You can't overuse them. They'll do serious damage to your eyes.

Shake

Wow. You know what? (zaps Frylock) BOO-YAH! I will totally annihilate that bridge when I come to it, and, I'm not real happy about your tone right now.

Frylock

Meatwad, did you get the key?

(shoots lasers at the tree) I got what I need, and now I'm gonna tell you what I want. (shoots lasers again) Yeah! That looked good!

Oh, Meatman... you took his friggin eyeballs out. That's intense!

Frylock

Yeah, you didn't have to take his eyes out man! Damn!

(chuckling) Yeah, I did.

Shake

(Comes out and has two empty eye sockets) Okay, fools! I have re-energised, and you will be receiving the dividends of my constant laser spanking. Where are you? And I'm only going to ask that once. And my second question is, where the hell are my eyeballs?

Y'know, you oughta just go ahead and get the corrective surgery.

Frylock

I heard it messes with your night vision, y'know.

I've heard good things about it, though. Think: not having to have that saline, not having to keep up with glasses...

Master Shake

Listen, the technology's improved: it's hard to say no to!

Frylock

Ehh, it's so EXPENSIVE, though...

Yeah, but it's been going down the past couple of years. This one cousin of mine- you know Terry? He-he ain't a medical doctor- he's self-taught, though. He passes the savings onto you.

Come on man pick up the phone. [Markula doesn't answer yet] Man, pick up the freakin' phone.

Markula

[phone rings a few times before answering] Why have you disturbed my slumber at this hour?

Do you hear that? Listen...

[Screaming]

Markula

Yes, and it is beautiful.

Uh, not to me man. And I called the cops, and they uh... took one look... and kept driving.

Markula

You leave my tenant alone!

He's screaming his head off over there! I'm about to get my balls up there and uh... make it my business.

Markula

With what? You can't stop him. He will shred you like a sheet.

Yeah, he definitely has me on weight.

Oh, my God...

Markula

Listen... just give him a couple days. He's going through a difficult custody battle.

Stupid bitch!

Just so you know, he's ripping all the copper out of your house, and just hauled ass down the street.

That bitch! Got the minivan and the damn convertible!

Markula

Oh, he's probably just getting some money for a fix.

You see that? Look at that!

Markula

See what?

THAT!

Markula

No I don't see what. Everything is fine Carl, just relax. They're only kids.

They're just- No there's one of them and he's a freaking monster!

Markula

He's not a monst- shhhhh.

I can talk when I want where I wan-

I mean uh... yeah... I don't know... uh... yeah... I was talking about this guy at work, he's a monster...

What does she even need two cars for?!

Markula

Oh, Paul, good morning, and how was your fix? Did you ride the white horse?

[to Carl] What did you do to my house?!

Markula

Carl, what did YOU do to Paul's house?

Look here! I'm getting, uh... I'm uh... I'm having a city, uh... ordinance... neighborhood watch... I'm gonna uh... make some stuff happen, and you better...

Markula

You're so mad.

You clean it up at your own pace, because I know you're big, but...

Markula

Hahahahaha! No one likes you!

I'm so pissed off!

Markula

Fryman, this could all go away if you would simply pay me for October...and YOU fix the gas leak!

Shake

I'm not fixing that gas leak for me or anyone else, you son of a bitch!

Frylock

Save it Shake.

Markula

Yes, save it, for tomorrow it won't matter when we play pin the tail on the Shake, and we bob for meatballs, and then we'll play ignore the Fryman.

I'm playin' it right now.

Markula

Lordy Lordy! Look who's turning 4040! [pause] What? You don't RSVP?

Well, you just handed this to me.

Alright let's give it up for the birthday boy, Markula! How old are you?

Markula

I am the one turning 4040.

[Quietly] Four thousand forty? [Loudly] That is old!!

Markula

I told you no phones! You're just making me look stupid!

And now it's time to let the lights down for Couples' Skate!

(grabs Carl) Oh, boy! Couples' skate!! (squeezes Carl in half out of excitement)

Master Shake

Once, there was a beautiful little girl...

What happened to her?

Master Shake

Her mom threw acid on her face because she was jealous of her beauty!

No...

Master Shake

Skulldilocs! Skulldilocs! Thats what the schoolchildren cried... And she was so upset... she threw acid on the schoolkids faces!

Oh my goodness!

Master Shake

Cause somebody from the bible told her to do it!... now press the button...

I don't wanna press the button!

Master Shake

If you don't press it she's gonna come for you in the night!

With a bucket of acid for my face?!?

Master Shake

Spoiler alert: yes...

No!

Master Shake

Press the button with all your might! Now give me your hand!

NO! I won't do it! (Shake smashes the button against Meatwad, pressing it and causing the book to make screaming sounds)

Master Shake

...the children screamed, again and again and again... Press it again (Smashes it againest Meatwad again. making the book scream again.) Press it again twice fast. (Smashes it against Meatwad twice making the book scream twice.)...and Skulldilocs was never found...Good-night! (Leaves a crying Meatwad in his room and is shown locking the door with multiple chains and bars) See ya in hell! (Meatwad squeezes throgh the bottom of the door.) Fine.

WHO IS GIVING OUT FREE DUMMIES IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?!! If it's that Mormon kid, I swear to God!

Master Shake

Leave it to me.

Master Shake

And clearly ladies and gentleman my little wooden friend is torched. And yet, where did he go? Voila! (Dummy appears in lion's mouth) Thank You! Thank you very much! And the gorilla says "You mean the one that fucked' ya up the ass?" and the lion says...

Why? Did it already make the papers?

Master Shake

That's exactly what he said, you son of a bitch! Thank you! We got a million of 'em.

Master Shake

This is huge for me! You know I'm the star, right?

Frylock

Oh, yeah, man, we're real proud of you Shake-

Master Shake

You know what, Frylock? I've found my niche and I've just grooved right into it. (Dummy steals a wing) Hey! Watch the wing sauce on the tux. Jose Feliciano wants us to open for him. That's big!

I wish them dummies was real flesh and blood boys.

Master Shake

No!

Yeah-uh. I do.

Warrior gum. The last gum you'll ever need.

Damn!