FrylockIs that Shake?
Frylock
It's me, Frylock!
Frylock
Yeah, man. I've got the thinking how trapped I had been all those years, you know? So, I've wrote a book on the dangers of codependency, and it was a best-seller. I've turned it into a lucrative franchise of six movies, a tv show, and a series of self-help discs. I've married Cheryl Tiegs, divorced her, and married her underaged granddaughter. And we live very happily on a small island, south of France, with the New York Football Giants, who I've purchased two years ago with all the proceeds of my wildly successful life.
Well, seems like you've wasted a lot of time.
Frylock
Oh, look, it's your gerbil Starsky. Hey, Starsky.
Yeah, you want something to eat?
SStarsky
(turned into a demon) GIVE ME A CELERY STICK, YOU SCAB!
Frylock
(throwing holy water on Starsky, who vomits all over the room) The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!
SStarsky
YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL!
Frylock
Just help me roll this into the garage.
Why don't you help me suck it? Wait a minute, that backfired. Gee, that sounded like I suck it all the time, which I don't. And it also implies that I would need help, which we both know that I don't. I can suck my own stuff. Listen, what I'm on, it's dangerous!
[The Aqua Teens are in church]
Frylock
Will you shut up?
You said there was gonna be food and I don't see meat! I see bread, but that ain't a sandwich.
Frylock
Shut up, Shake. SHUT UP!
There's no protein. I wanna be Muscle Man for Halloween and I have to start NOW!
Frylock
Will you shut up? They have to bless it first!
Frylock
[cuts off Shake] Don't you say it.
What I'm not allowed to say a NAME?
Frylock
You're taking it in vain.
No I'm not. When I use it, I get results.
(as Frylock gives money during an offering in Church) Where'd you get money?
Frylock
I worked for it. And I'm giving it to the church, because you need to experience how it feels to give, and not just receive, like you usually do!
But also, how it feels to receive too. 'Cause that's a good feeling too y'all. When Santa Clause comes down from the cross, and give me all that stuff I asked for.
Frylock
(sighs; as Meatwad called a statue of Jesus Christ's crucifixion Santa) That ain't Santa Clause, okay? How many times do I gotta tell you that?
Well he got a beard. And that ain't a belly full of jelly. Look like he got an appendectomy scar. Is this the mall? 'Cause I'm sitting here wondering how I gonna sit on his lap when he's hanging from some nails.
Frylock
(angry) Santa Claus did NOT die for our sins!!
Santa Claus is dead?! No!!
Yes. He crashed his sleigh, right into a wall...'cause he was drinking a lot...
Frylock
What?
It was a twisted fiery wreckage...of sleigh, reindeer bones, and the old fat bastard's guts.
Frylock
(leaving) Excuse me, folks we need to go. (drags Master Shake with him)
And who's drunk enough to get nailed to wood?! I can see maybe one nail! But then you'd think he'd move! But NOOOO. We gotta revere him for his slow reaction time?!
I have a gun and I will shoot your hand clean the hell off. I will do it!
[carrying hot dogs] Hey y'all.
Do it right now! I'LL GO GET MY GUN!
You know, they giving out free hot dogs over at that car dealership down the way.
I prefer the meat of the burger!
Frylock
AS DO I.
...yeah, that meat...ain't looking so good. Seems like the burger has moved some, ain't it?
Frylock
(crazed) Yeah, the ants are breeding. They want to TAKE IT FROM US.
But that ain't happening on our watch, right man! Gimme five.
Frylock
Get your fucking hand out of my face.
PROFANITY VIO-! Ohh! Ohhhhhh, profanity violation! Phil! PHIL!
PPhil
Wh-What's up, what's going on?
Phil, he is INDISCRIMINATELY dropping F-bombs on the heads of all these kids around here.
PPhil
Yeah, there's-there's nothing about profanity in the bylaws, so...
Come on, man. Don't you wanna see this end?
PPhil
Look, I get paid by the hour, man.
Phil, come on. Please, I know you.
Frylock
Phil.
We've been through a lot together, haven't we- Hey, how is your wife?
Frylock
Don't listen to him, man!
Didn't she have a baby or something while we were here? What'd you name it, I was wondering.
PPhil
Penelope. I've told you like, five times.
Might be nice to get this over with-
Frylock
Phil!
-and spend some time with that cute little...
Girl, great, that's right!
Frylock
Don't fall for it, Phil!
I might be able to give you and her some uh, some sesame seeds off of this bun to play with...
Frylock
He's trying to trick you, Phil!
...IF we could maybe end this soon?
PPhil
I- He's gotta take his hands off. That's the only way he's gonna be disqualified.
I'm WELL-VERSED in the bylaws, asshole!
[carrying rubber boots] What you want these for?
Frylock
Put them on my feet, man.
All right, these are your feet now? Okay, sure.
Frylock
[setting himself down] That should ground me. [He shoots eye lasers at an overhead power line. The wire falls to the ground, hot] All right, I'll run a 4,000-volt current through the bun, then when Shake comes back...
Frylock
What the hell?
UVUnseen voice
Don't electrify the bun!
Frylock
Who's that? Who said that? Who said that?!
UVUnseen voice
It's me! [The hamburger forms a mouth] The giant hamburger, or at least that's how people see me! Finally tonight, you will win the contest, and you will come with me to Hamburger Planet!
Frylock
Now where have I heard that voice before? [Flashes back to "Dickesode" and "The Creature from Plaque Lagoon"] Wongburger!
WWongburger
That's right. It is I! [His glasses form] Dr. Wongburger! It took me years of therapy to come to terms with my true identity. My parents couldn't accept it!
"My son isn't a cheeseburger!" they cried.
"Your son IS a cheesburger!" I cried back!
Frylock
Look, I don't need to know the whole story, okay?
Frylock! Come on, get this thing to go! Hurry! [smashing Frylock's Computer]
Frylock
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't hit it like that. What are you trying to do?
I'm--I need to hire a demon immediately please! I mean, sir! I mean-- stop bein' nice!
Frylock
You could check out Craigslist.
Good idea, thanks man! I mean, I know that already! Now get out of your room so you can go be stupid somewhere else please jerkface!
Why aren't you waxing--ohhh. Hey do you have a bathroom?
Frylock
Oddly, no.
Frylock
We don't.
What? Uh. I'll be right back.
Frylock
Uhh.. Who was that?
You could see him? Hurry up! How long does angel diarrhea last?
Frylock
I don't know. It probably varies. Why don't you just google it?
Hey! How do you spell "diarrhea"?
[Meatwad is calling Frylock because he is not paying attention and is transfixed by a game on his phone and he almost drowned]
FSFrylock's Voicemail
Waaasuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup?! If you need to leave a message, just do so after the beep.
Hey, I almost died over in that pool over here...next to you! So hit me back on my celly. 'Cause I wanna yell at you. Talk about dinner. All right later. [hangs up]
Frylock
[still playing] Yeah... awesome!
(angry) Your son is drowning...
He knows, I left him a voicemail.
[Shake and Frylock are transfixed playing a game on Frylock's phone, while chaos, started by a ghost in the house looms on around them]
GGhost
[appears in front of Meatwad who has been the only one noticing all the chaos] Can you please get their atention?
Gee boy, I've been trying, I mean usually when I want attention, I threaten suicide. And then I get ice cream.
GGhost
[hauntingly] GOOOOOD IDEAAAAAA!
Hey y'all. My life sucks. I ain't got nothing to live for, and I wanna end it now. [cocks a pistol]
[Master Shake and Frylock pay no attention]
GGhost
Pop off a couple rooouuunds!
[Meatwad fires his gun into the air once; Frylock and Master Shake pay no attention]
I'm so...angry at myself...I'm so depressed...
GGhost
HE'S SEEEERIOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSS!
And I'm just gonna end the suffering right now...
[Frylock and Master Shake pay no attention; Meatwad puts the pistol to his head and fires three times]
[now with three bullet holes in his head] Oh, well, I missed. Gotta reload now.
Just blow up the house man!
[the house blows up]
Frylock
[his phone is destroyed] Dammit! I signed a two year contract for that!
Piece of crap! Send it back to China. It blew up our house!
Frylock
[intro sequence] 100, 100, 100. 10 times 10 equals 100. There are 100 cents in a dollar. A football field is 100 yards. There are 100 senators in Congress. The sum of the first nine prime numbers is 100! The boiling temperature of water is 100! Abraham was 100 years old when his son Isaac was born! The number of tiles in a standard scrabble set is 100! The temperature of the human 98.6 degrees, which is close to 100! 9 Plus 8 minus 6 is 11, which is 89 away from 100!
[sequence ends; Frylock has written the number 100 all over the walls of the Aqua Teen House] Now, all right, all right. See, now you're just pulling that out of your ass. That is an ass-pull, my friend.
Frylock
What about "One Hundred men and a Girl"?!
Frylock
It's a 1937 musical comedy film starring Deanna Durbin.
So is "3 Men and a Baby."
I didn't like the men in that, but I liked the baby.
Frylock
100 Is everywhere, man. Don't you see it?
Yeah, 'cause you done wrote it all over the walls with a crayon, man. And I do one little cotton-pickin' rainbow, and i get my heinie spanked. [Microwave beeps] Oh, lunch is ready. Sausage and two bagels. [the sausage and two bagels are arranged on the plate in the form of the number 100]
Frylock
Look, see? Look at the plate!
I don't know what you're talking about. [turns on the television]
KPKid Puppet
100 Kisses from the angels on my tummy / 100 kisses from my Mommy when I'm crummy / 100 sins leaves you dead within / 100 nails that pierce your skin! 100! 100!
Frylock
Turn it off! [shuts eyes] Turn it off right now!
[turns it off] Come on. It's a coincidence!
[The Aqua Teens are in their new Hanna-Barbera style show, Aqua Unit Patrol Squad]
Zoinks! Like, this is spooooky! Isn't that right, Flyboy?
Frylock
It's Flylock! I mean Fryrock. I mean--Dammit! Who am I?
Ha-ha-ha! You're Meaty Meaty Moo! Do your thing, Meaty!
Come on, really? That was terrible.
I just think it's stupid that that's all I would say is my name. Like that's an exclaimation? Like that conveys any information?
Aqua Teen Hunger Force · 785 quotes
