MSMeatwad's Right Side
What's your name, boy?
MSMeatwad's Left Side
Meatwad.
MSMeatwad's Right Side
Of the New Jersey Meatwads?
“Multiple Meats” · Season 7
In this episode: Master Shake (6), Meatwads (4), Meatwad (3), Frylock (3), Carl (2)
How was I supposed to know he was gonna do that?
He's like a damn worm, man. He's got no brain. You cut him up, and he'll multiply.
Wait a minute. Do you mean like in Tremors?
... Yeah, sure. Exactly like in Tremors.
[jumps onto a nearby keyboard instrument] Get off the ground! He feels the vibrations! You can float. Go get me food!
MSMeatwad's Right Side
We've been tricked into entering the door!
MSMeatwad's Left Side
I'm sorry I dragged you into this man.
MSMeatwad's Right
No, I'm the sorry one.
MSMeatwad's Left
No, no, no. I'm the sorry one.
MSMeatwad's Right
Don't beat yourself up over this. I'm the sorry one.
You're both about to be very sorry, that you entered this horrid world! [draws an axe and slices Meatwad's Right Side in half] And that's called taking care of business.
MSMeatwad's Mouth
Mama? Daddy?
MSMeatwad's Right
Hey good buddy. Nice to meat you. I'm Meatwad!
MSMeatwad's Left
So am I.
MSMeatwad's Mouth
I am too!
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
MSMeatwad's Left
We're all Meatwads!
MSMeatwad's Mouth
Let's have a...tearful reunion.
MSMeatwad's Right
Group hug everybody! [they hug each other]
MSMeatwad's Left
Hey! I got an idea everybody!
MSMeatwad's Right
You wanna play Candy Land?
MSMeatwad's Left
YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUTTA MY BRAIN!
MSMeatwad's Mouth
Let's play candy Land!
MSMeatwad's Right
CANDY LAND!
MSMeatwad's Left
Yeah, Candy Land!
(To Master Shake)
MSMeatwad's Right
How about you, Shake?
MSMeatwad's Mouth
Would you like to play Candy Land?
No, I would not. But I will show you what I do want to play. [Shows Master Shake outside cutting one of the Meatwad sides in half] I declare these Olympic Games, OPEN!
M2Meatwad #2
No, please. After you.
You go ahead.
Shut up.
M2Meatwad #2
I couldn't possibly. after you.
No, no, no, no, I insist -- after you.
Shut up, both of you.
M2Meatwad #2
: No, please. Your hands are full. You go ahead.
I ain't got hands.
M2Meatwad #2
But I just rather that you go first.
Why don't you just go ahead anyways?
M2Meatwad #2
No, no, I couldn't.
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! [slams the door and runs away in fear, but the door just opens back up]
[brief pause]
M2Meatwad #2
You lead the way.
No, you lead the way.
[The Meatwads and Carl are playing Texas Hold 'em Poker with flash cards]
CCarl
Alright, we got a five dollar blind, ten dollar ante, jacks to open, trips to win. Who's in? Let me see your money, gentlemen.
(putting down bills, stuffed animals) I'm in!
CCarl
(puts down $5) And I am in as well. (puts down same $5) And I will raise you...another $5.
M2Meatwad #2
I'm out.
M3Meatwad #3
I'm out.
M5Meatwad #5
I'm out.
M6Meatwad #6
Too rich for my blood.
M7Meatwad #7
And I ain't got no damn money!
CCarl
(angrily) Hey, Seven! When you ain't got no damn money, that's when you leave the table.
M7Meatwad #7
But I like to watch.
CCarl
You're lucky I ain't bring no pit boss over here. That stuff wouldn't fly at the Taj.
M1Meatwad #1
Alright Carl, check it out; Triangle, Bug, Firetruck.
CCarl
Two pair!
M1Meatwad #1
Yeah? You like that?
CCarl
Not bad with only three cards.
M1Meatwad #1
I ate two of them.
CCarl
But, uh...that certainly don't beat two Goats, a Circle, a Star, and the letter J. Full house AND a pair! Hahaha, read 'em and weep, gentlemen!
CCarl
[Taking his "winnings"] These bills feel, uh...small...and yellow...and this is a dead squirrel.
M1Meatwad #1
Maybe them bills shrunk.
M6Meatwad #6
But probably they just come from a board game. [holds up said board game] Foreclosure!
CCarl
What the- I knew a chicken was never president! You owe me $1200, or I'm gonna send my cousin over here to break your hands. You got 48 hours.
Bye, Carl!
M1Meatwad #1
Thanks for the lesson!
CCarl
Pick your nose clean while you got the chance, cause you'll be digging for gold with finger splints after Tuesday!
[the Meatwads have gathered in the living room]
They're meeting on how to form their own stupid government!
The floor recognizes Meatwad!
But here's the fun part: they're still trying to decide on who should bring the juice boxes.
I'd hate for you to bring that much trouble, 'cause I can bring juice boxes.
SEVENTY FIVE MINUTES...of this.
Aw, juice boxes are expensive. Let ME bring the juice boxes.
It is so fucking retarded! [Meatwads arguing while Shake is talking] We are not establishing a democracy in this house! THIS is a DICTATORSHIP! And I RULE WITH AN IRON DICK!
Let's call the matter to a vote. Raise your hand if you would like to bring the juice boxes. [All Meatwads raise their "hands"] Aaaand let's count...no one can count. We're deadlocked again.
OMOther Meatwad
I demand a recount!
As I said, no one counted right the first time.
Frylock, I'm on my last leg! You need to help me mush all this together, and set fire to it!
No, no no no. I have a better idea. [to the Meatwads] Hey gang! Let's all sing a song!
Okay! Okey-dokey! All rightey-rooney!
[singing] Three million bottles of beer on the wall....
[brief pause]
[singing]....Three million bottles of beer...
Yeah!
[singing] Take one down, pass it around, two million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand. nine hundred ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall!
[gets a suitcase] See you dude. [leaves]
Wait. Wait don't go!
[singing in the background] Two million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall, two million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety nine bottles of beer...
You know what? I'm leaving too! [brief pause] Okay that was a bluff, but- DON'T GO!
OMOne Meatwad
Wait...I got mixed up. Start over.
[freaking out] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Three million bottles of beer on the wall....
Is someone there?
Is that Shake?
Speak up, please.
It's me, Frylock!
You've left us.
Yeah, man. I've got the thinking how trapped I had been all those years, you know? So, I've wrote a book on the dangers of codependency, and it was a best-seller. I've turned it into a lucrative franchise of six movies, a tv show, and a series of self-help discs. I've married Cheryl Tiegs, divorced her, and married her underaged granddaughter. And we live very happily on a small island, south of France, with the New York Football Giants, who I've purchased two years ago with all the proceeds of my wildly successful life.
Well, seems like you've wasted a lot of time.
Zero bottles of beer, you can't take one down 'cause there ain't no more bottles of beer on the wall and you got to call Carl and order more bottles of beer for your wall! Dang. that was fun!
M3Meatwad #3
Yeah, that was fun!
M4Meatwad #4
Well, now what do we do?
I suppose we can sit here and get to know each other... Or we could sing that song one more cotton-pickin' time.
M2Meatwad #2
Yeah, we could!
M5Meatwad #5
Yeah, let's sing it again!
3 Million bottles of beer on the wall, 3 million bottles of beer... [Frylock's limousine takes off] take one down, pass it around... [A gunshot is seen and heard from Frylock's room, implying Shake committed suicide to escape the nightmare of the Meatwads' constant singing] 2,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.