[in a hospital room near an elderly man on life support]
This is the plan? What the hell is this?!
Shut up and read! Aloud! For his pleasure.
Come on this guy isn't even awake! Bleah. Smells like hot clam juice in here!
[gives him the finger] Read this. Between the lines. What does it say?
[Angel sighs and sends Master Shake down to a flaming place for about 5 seconds, Master Shake reappears charred and burning]
Ooh, ooh, okay which book? Show me- Show me which book so I can read to that guy!
The pop-up book! [gives Shake a book entitled "Sammy the Gerbil and His Big Muffin Adventure"]
Well there's nothing to read! All the pages are gone!
He won't mind. He doesn't have any family.
Yeah, because he's boring. Would you visit this? I wouldn't! You have to engage people, with clever conversation and- [Angel sighs and sends Master Shake screaming down to the burning place again for about 5 seconds, Master Shake reappears charred and burning] Ahh ahh ahh! Okay! So here's the title! Sammy the Gerbil, and His Muffin Adventure.
[long pause]
Over and over and over again!
[annoyed] Sammy the Gerbil and his Muffin Adventure.
[a little more feeling] Sammy the Gerbil and his Muffin Adventure!
[mysteriously] Sammy, the Gerbil! And his Muffin, ADVE-E-ENTURE!!!
Ask Carl if there's anything you can do for him.
Carl, is there anything I could possibly do for you?
Go down to the mall and buy me a half-dozen black graphic tees. The one with the wings and the barbed wire and they say "Choke Out!"
[Cut to later: Carl wearing a black graphic tee that says "Surf's Up"]
Aw, these are knock-offs! Read this back to me! What does it say?
"Surf's Up"! What did I tell you?! I told you I wanted the real ones that say "Choke Out!"
Where have I heard that one before? Maybe coming out of my own mouth when we were at the mall looking at the shirts?
"Surf's Up" were cheaper. I'm on a fixed budget here, man.
Well I guess we're going back to the mall.
You go back to the mall! [Cut to Carl wearing a similar tee, but it says "Choke Out"] Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Yeah!
For what?! I did that for him! [is burned by the angel then reappears] Aah! Aah! aah!
Yes. Yes, of course. Thank you, Carl, for being there while I replenished your wardrobe with my dangerously overextended credit cards.
Frylock! Come on, get this thing to go! Hurry! [smashing Frylock's Computer]
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't hit it like that. What are you trying to do?
I'm--I need to hire a demon immediately please! I mean, sir! I mean-- stop bein' nice!
You could check out Craigslist.
Good idea, thanks man! I mean, I know that already! Now get out of your room so you can go be stupid somewhere else please jerkface!
Why aren't you waxing--ohhh. Hey do you have a bathroom?
What? Uh. I'll be right back.
You could see him? Hurry up! How long does angel diarrhea last?
I don't know. It probably varies. Why don't you just google it?
Hey! How do you spell "diarrhea"?
Well, angel, we meet again. But this time, it is I who possess the power. Isn't that right, Neil?
Neelzebub, right. You may be interested to know that I purchased six cases of beer for Neelzebub and his underaged friends, and then I am going to drive them all to the Insane Clown Posse show.
And how is that gonna defeat me?
That's a pretty good question. Neil?
NNeil
Hey, guys, you want to see me fart on something?
NNeil
Oh, God! Read from the scrolls!
Hmm. I'll hypnotize you like a vampire. Bite your neck and set your head on fire.
Are those actual ICP lyrics?
"I'll hypnotize you, then bite your neck, then set your head on fire" there's, like, one -- one item in there is not necessary at all, and you can take your pick.
Neil, he's not doing anything. Got nothing here.
NNeil
It's gonna take like a few minutes now, 'cause you weren't standing still and you didn't have your hands up. So can you, like, drive us to the concert now?
But your mom's gonna pick you up, right?
NNeil
Yeah, um, Lee's mom.
Leeman the demon? I thought he was grounded.
NNeil
He's uh, he's sneaking out.
Wait, wait, wait. If he's sneaking out, how is his mom going to pick you up? Does he tell his mom he's sneaking out? 'Cause then it's not really sneaking out, right?
Yeah, Neil? She won't know about it.
NNeil
Uh, well, can you pick us up, also?
You're just chauffeuring these guys around.
You never even told Lee's mom, did you? Did you?! That was not part of the deal, Neil.
Ooh, quick question. Is this is part of the deal? [sends Master Shake to the flaming area]
LLee
Oh, my god, that's fuckin' awesome.
[reappears charred and burning] Aah! aah! That's your cue, Neil! Come on!
Call upon the power! aah!
NNeil
Can you show me that? Show me that! You got to show me that!
Well, maybe when you're older, tiger. How old are you, anyway?
Neil! You said you were fully licensed to do this!
NNeil
Well, Yeah, I said that, but um, my Dad's an attorney, and he says you got to get everything in writing. Sorry.
Fine. You know what? I'm ending this now. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
Nice to meet you all. I'll see you all in hell. [sticks a shotgun in his mouth and kills himself]
AAttorney
Mr. 2 Dope, perhaps you would care to read, for the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the lyrics from your popular song "Blacken Your Eyes"?
S2Shaggy 2 Dope
"Filled your head with lead because I want you dead. Girly, girly bitch. You fucking freaky bitch."
AAttorney
What could possibly be offensive about that? [Frylock clears throat] I mean, that's deplorable. Your songs drove my clients' roommate to kill himself. Would that be an accurate statement?
VJViolent J
Allow me to interject, please. We at Insane Clown Posse are very, very active in the community. We work with a number of local charities.
S2Shaggy 2 Dope
Yeah, like, we read to dead people.
[Rapping to dead man]
VJViolent J
Sammy the Gerbil
S2Shaggy 2 Dope
and his Muffin Adventure!
S2Shaggy 2 Dope
We also spit fire. [The Posse spits fire out of their mouths, engulfing the courtroom]
AAttorney
No further questions.
