Frylock quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

See, I released it in Transylvania so vampires would come and visit me and I could get them to bite into my neck and then I could become immortal! Why the hell do you think I made myself look so sexy on the cover?!

Frylock

See, I knew it. I knew some bullshit was up with you. I knew it!

Look, yo. Brittle needs to live forever! Otherwise I go down to hell and Satan send me back as something worse! He's got all these ideas... he don't tell me none of them!

Frylock

Why don't you just become Christian?

That way when you die, you go to heaven, away from bad ol' Satan.

Can I do that? I mean, are they cool with vampires, because I gots to feast on blood!

Frylock

No, you can only become one or the other. And the other, which is a vampire, is impossible.

Well then I guess I'm a Christian. Oh yeah, bringin in the sheaves ya'll! Who knew I had it in me? I did. Now kill me, quick!

Frylock

We're not going to kill you. The moral thing to do is to let you die naturally..alone, in a pile of your own filth.

Look, it's easy. Just build a time machine, go back into prehistoric times with a satellite tracking device and a laser gun, blow up the comet, save all the dinosaurs so they don't die out and create fossil fuels, so there ain't no energy to feed my food tube.

Or we could just pull this plug right here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..do that!

Frylock

So buying all this stuff is going to help you kill this Gorgotron thing? How? Just tell me that.

Well wouldn't your ass like to know.

Err

That is why he asked.

I know, Err, shut up. I am in control of this conversation.

Frylock

All right, the running man.

Oh no no no, I power walk.

Frylock

So, how far'd you run, Meatwad?

I powerwalked down to that pile o' gummy bears and back. I should probably set the pile out further … or closer, so I can get at 'em.

Frylock

Maybe you shouldn't eat the gummy bears once you —

Well, that's the half-way point! Shit, you don't put the gummy bears out, then there ain't no reason to run! Or powerwalk which is what I did.

Master Shake

I don't know why your exercising. It's just sweat that you're gonna have to wash off. Exercising's for dummies and women.

Yeah, you oughta hop on my diet, man. Started it two days ago and I'm already at my target weight.

Which'un?

South Bronx Paradise Diet, baby! Yeeeeah! The twist is you eat MORE than you want, then you supplement that with this special candy bar. And it ain't like them sissy No Crabs diet either.

Frylock

I think that's No Carbs, Carl.

See, but I have crabs. So I don't qualify for that. Have I told you that before?

Frylock

Yeah.

Funny story-

Master Shake

Well, I don't have to watch what I eat OR what I do. Call me Mr. Untouchable!

Frylock

Yeah, and that's why you're a candidate for heart disease.

Master Shake

Well...I have three hearts...cuz I'm from Tattooine. And my mother-

Frylock

No you're not.

Master Shake

Really? Cuz you know I get my physical every year...on Alderaan!!

Frylock

That didn't happen.

Master Shake

[visibly frustrated] Well...I...I am from the Dagoba System!

Mmmmm. This here's a good steak. A little chewy, but it will do.

Frylock

Well, because the steak is a … cat toy.

Frylock

But, I don't know why a cat would play with a steak, but, I just put it in there to get you excited about your real dinner: this, uh, celery stalk right here. Mmmm!

Well, it ain't workin'. Now, if you expect me to eat this, you gonna have to supply me with some wing sauce.

Frylock

How about a twist of lemon?

How about a twist of I gouge your motherfuckin' eyes out? Get me the goddamn wing sauce!

Frylock

Eww! It's a human liver! [pokes liver] Is this yours, Carl?

Oh, all right. I don't know, who cares? It's dead weight is what that is.

C-c-can I have it?

Frylock

No, Meatwad!

What? I'm about to die of hunger here! I need meat!

Frylock

Carl you in here? Carl? Hello?

Yeah?

Frylock

No...

You know, I can actually hear you, talkin', in your living room. I got some crazy amazing hearing. They don't tell you that in the book.

Frylock

What are you doing?

It's part of the diet, it says if you want to slide around on your stomach, don't fight the urge.

Frylock

You know you're up on the ceiling right?

Oh, oh yeah that, well, I like to be next to this light. Like, real next to it. Why? What are you queer?

Frylock

Eww Carl.

I told you, I can eat anything I want with this frickin' diet. It's great! [Carl unscrews his light fixture on the ceiling] And the kicker? No long term ramifications!

I can't believe that you let a silly woman get between you and your friendship.

Frylock

'Specially one that doesn't even know who you are.

Master Shake

It's disgusting, isn't it? Breaks my heart that I have to sue his ass back to the stone age.

I'm right here, Shake! You wanna go right now? We'll go right now!

Master Shake

C'mon, fat boy!

Where are ya?

Whoa, whoa, break it up guys, and listen to me. Love's a wonderous thing. But there's more to it than the physical experience, like … like … oh, hell, I dunno, she had some tig-ole-bitties, didn't she?

Frylock

Yeah, she did.

Amen to that.

Shake

Oh, God, how much longer? Egypt is so boring. It doesn't even exist anymore, I mean, you don't hear DMX rap about it!

I find that this is highly effiligent in edumacationus for my brain, because, I am smart, boy!

Master Shake

You tell me how this is gonna help you get a high-powered six-figure job. You think they ask Tom Cruise this stuff before he signs on his movies? No one has to know this, ever!

Frylock

Shake, just go back to the gift-shop and let Meatwad and I enjoy the exhibit, okay?

Master Shake

You need me here! I am a strong counterpoint to the headphones!

Thank you, Frylock. If I survive...I'm gonna beat the fuck outta that little meatball!

Frylock

Look, Santa, I am so sorry. Meatwad just got a little carried away, that's all.

He got a lot carried away. You know that remote controlled race car he wants? Oh yeah, he's gonna get it...FAR UP HIS ASS!!

Frylock

Whoa, whoa whoa. Calm down, now Santa.

We might see if the reindeer like meat this year!

I can't see too well with the soccer ball lids...

Frylock

It's okay.

...I believe this is Jeffy's house, and if I remember correctly...he wants a wooden train.

Frylock

Great! Did you hear that Meatwad?

All right, Jeffy's getting his very own...

Wooden brain.

Frylock

Train, you idiot! Train!

Don't you talk ugly to me! I'll send ya to the moon with my magic shirt.

Frylock

[resigned] Yeah, I know, Master.

Jeffy's just gonna have to bite the bullet on this one. Because it has been a long night, and we ain't even done the eastern seaboard yet.

Just give it to him, he's...not a, not a bright child.

So what...what kind of germs he got there?

Frylock

Hypno-germs, Meatwad. Their only interest is to control your mind.

Oh thats right, and I'm an asshole for asking.

Master Shake

That is a lie and you are liar for saying that. I've never been to Branson in my life.

Frylock

Don't tell me you don't remember that. It was just last week!

Yeah, you ate that batch of bad ribs after the Gatlin Brothers concert and made Frylock blow the door off that truckstop bathroom because you said you couldn't wait for the bathroom key, squeezin' your butt cheeks together tryin' to keep it in.

Master Shake

I don't even know Charles Branson. Someone's losin' their mind, Jack, 'cause that never happened. [pointing to Meatwad] He's already lost his. [looking at Frylock] I'm lookin' at you, big boy.