Master Shake quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Master Shake

Tooth Fairy. Hand over all that change, bitch! (gets shot with a dart and passes out).

Frylock

Dumbass, ain't no toothfairy.

What do you think you're doing?

Frylock

Whoa! Well I just-

Drop that tooth and back over to the wall!

Frylock

Okay, okay, just take the TV, take the quarter, take whatever you need.

Ha ha ha. Fools! I don't want your money! (takes Meatwad's tooth) I have this tooth; and it's all I need!

Shake

You can fart if you want to! You can fart out of your behind! (farts) You can fart real cool and make your butts rule with the gas that's inside of you! You can fart (farts), you can fart (farts), everybody look at your butt! Fa-a-art!

It's a safety fart! Well, it's a safety fart!

Shake

Thank you very much.

You guys see what I saw? Well, I did. Carl showed that tall pink man his heinie, and he grew fangs and fur and claws, and they went inside and had a heated discussion.

Frylock

Yeah, we're not gonna get involved with that.

Master Shake

He is a werewolf, Fryman. He saw Carl's full moon and it changed him.

Frylock

Shake, they are no such things as werewolves.

Master Shake

I think I know someone who would beg to differ. And I think we both know who I'm talking about.

Frylock

Don't you say, Kate Beckinsale!

Master Shake

But she was in that movie!

Frylock

Fake! Fake! Fake!

Master Shake

You gonna sit here and tell me that the Lyken have not been waging war against the vampires for centuries?

Frylock

Hollywood, Shake!

Master Shake

You do know I own the cardboard cut-out?

Frylock

Yes.

Master Shake

That means I like this movie.

Frylock

I know!

Master Shake

Good. We've established that. Meeting adjourned.

So what we do now?

Frylock

We wait till you lost interest and forget about it.

Alrighty, then.

I ain't lost interest.

Frylock

You haven't slept either, Meatwad.

Well, neither has Shake.

Master Shake

Are you or are you not Kate Beckinsale?! (voice-over phone talks) Well, describe your body. In leather. Well, I heard you had a winner hoe here!

Ask her if she has a port in her chest to drink fluids.

Master Shake

Do you have a port in your chest to drink fluids?

Like plasmas and such.

Master Shake

Yeah, like plasmas and such. (Hangs up.) Uh hello? Kate? I lost her. She must have gone through a tunnel. You know, cell reception is not good... in the underworld.

What friend? I ain't got no friends!

Wait, is that deodorant?

Master Shake

Yes, it's deodorant. They get hot and sweaty chasin' robbers.

Yeah! Yeah, it's deodorant. Try some! (Maces Master Shake and Meatwad)

Master Shake

(He and Meatwad have red eyes) Ahh! That is not deodorant! Oh God!

Needs a little more pepper.

(Pulls up with a mask in a balloon car) Ah, what a wonderful day for a balloon. here, let me place my suitcase full of money next to you and purchase one.

Frylock

They're free of charge sir.

These are not happy and floaty like we discussed.

Master Shake

There exactly what you asked for, now if you will excuse us. (Shake and Frylock try to leave).

No, I think the product needs to be tested. On your kosher friend! (Pulls out Meatwad with who is dressed like a rabi and is holding a menorah and a box of matzoh).

Frylock

Meatwad!

They took all my pork and they de-circumcised me and they gave me the cowboy hat! Mazeltoff, I'm dang jewish now.

What about- Tom Hanks?

Frylock

Tom Hanks isn't Jewish.

So, he HATES the Jews!

Frylock

I can't speak for Tom Hanks, but he seems pretty likable. I doubt he flat-out HATES Jews.

Master Shake

So you see, not EVERY Jew is evil, right?

Frylock

Shake, that's not the message here.

Frylock

NO!

Master Shake

I'm just saying... We get people off drugs! We don't kill Jews!

Your emergency brake is on!

Master Shake

Don't tell me how to drive, jackass!

[on Carl's used condoms, raked from his lawn] These is what—pudding tubes?

Master Shake

Yeah, that's it. Lap up that free pudding. Bill Cosby left it just for you.

These look like Vanilla Blast, but they taste like Sizzlin' Salt 'Splosion.

Master Shake

I christen thee Rubberman!

Frylock

Yeah, no, it ain't that.

Master Shake

Slap on a little glove, and get ready for some love. Keep the gunk with my junk, when I load it in her very spacious trunk.

Is he alive? Cause I need someone to take me to the mall.

Frylock

In a way, he is. He's coated in thousands of microscopic organisms.

Frylock, I know what sperm and bacteria is. What I'm saying is, will he come to life if I put this magic hat on his head.

Master Shake

Looks like he's already come to life.

But... I never had the chance to say goodbye."

Master Shake

Alright. Then put it back on.

Okay. [puts Lance's helmet back on]

Fools! No one will stop Rubberman! [Frylock incinerates him with a flamethrower] Oh, no! Someone IS stopping Rubberman!

Shake

I am bored. Let's go back home.

Frylock

We parachuted here!

Shake

Yeah, I know, because it was cheaper!

Frylock

The tickets said one-way.

Shake

Round-trip was INSANE. You want to pay those prices, be my guest!

Frylock

Had we rented the boat like I wanted, we could get back in the boat and go home!

Shake

Well, we didn't do that, did we? Because someone didn't assert themselves enough. I keep telling you to read my book, Master Your Finances and $hake it Up!

Shake

"Chapter 1: Make Every Problem Your Slave." Seriously, did you even pick it up?

Frylock

Yeah, we got a garage full of 'em.

Shake

Well, that's cause they didn't sell, because YOU shut the website down!

Hey, y'all, we can take these jetskis over here.

Shake

SHUT UP, Meatwad. I'm discussing my book over here!

Frylock

Alright, Shake. You win. How do you make THIS problem your slave?

Shake

Well, I'll tell ya. "Rule 1: Assess the situation." (looks around) We are fucked.

Y'all see these jetskis?

Shake

"Rule 2: Apply blame." You, Frylock. You're the one.

What about these jetskis?

Shake

"Rule 3: Don't let the blame-ee hear about you blaming them." Hey, Meatwad, Frylock really jobbed us on this, didn't he?

Yeah, you probably shouldn't say that with him...standing right there. You see these jetskis?

Shake

"Rule 4: Make a suggestion, but don't own up to it in case it sucks." Hey guys, what if we make a boat out of sand, BUT it's a glass bottom boat? Then we can host tours for this roasted bird and get money to buy a plane ticket outta here from an airport that does not exist.

Frylock

That idea sucks.

Shake

Yeah, I know. Whose idea was that, Meatwad?

Two jetskis, right over here.

Shake

Which leads me to rule 4. "Take well deserved nap." Good night, good luck, the end.

(In turkey clucks) Game over. Life over.

Shake

(Is laying on the beach with swelling bruise and a black eye) I do not...understand...what you are saying to me!

(In turkey clucks) I speak in turkey clucks.

Shake

Wait, what's that again?

(In turkey clucks) I...speak...in...turkey...clucks.

Shake

...Speak English! Why is that not a law everywhere?

(speaking English) He speaks only in turkey clucks.

(speaking English) He's an idiot.

Master Shake

How was I supposed to know he was gonna do that?

Frylock

He's like a damn worm, man. He's got no brain. You cut him up, and he'll multiply.

Master Shake

Wait a minute. Do you mean like in Tremors?

Frylock

... Yeah, sure. Exactly like in Tremors.

Master Shake

[jumps onto a nearby keyboard instrument] Get off the ground! He feels the vibrations! You can float. Go get me food!

We've been tricked into entering the door!

I'm sorry I dragged you into this man.

No, I'm the sorry one.

No, no, no. I'm the sorry one.

Don't beat yourself up over this. I'm the sorry one.

Master Shake

You're both about to be very sorry, that you entered this horrid world! [draws an axe and slices Meatwad's Right Side in half] And that's called taking care of business.

Mama? Daddy?

Hey good buddy. Nice to meat you. I'm Meatwad!

So am I.

I am too!

Master Shake

Oh, you gotta be kidding me!

We're all Meatwads!

Let's have a...tearful reunion.

Group hug everybody! [they hug each other]

Hey! I got an idea everybody!

You wanna play Candy Land?

YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUTTA MY BRAIN!

Let's play candy Land!

CANDY LAND!

Yeah, Candy Land!

How about you, Shake?

Would you like to play Candy Land?

Master Shake

No, I would not. But I will show you what I do want to play. [Shows Master Shake outside cutting one of the Meatwad sides in half] I declare these Olympic Games, OPEN!