Scenes with Warners 37
AAnnouncer
We now return to Animator's Alley.
In 1954, I got a bunion. So I figures, what if a bunion could talk? [the Warners literally melt. Bubbles come up] That's when I come up with Bunion Boy. [the Warners crawl away] Bunion Boy lived on a farmer's toe. Uh, I think that was a mistake. Farmers step in things that aren't decent. Then in '57, I made Kiki the Sickly Lemur. [the Warners get models of themself and replace themselves, which automatically nods] Would you like me to talk about it? Well, all right. Kiki had no torso.
WThe Warners
[running off] We're free! Free! Free!
AAnnouncer
And now, the Warners present: the senses.
[The Warners dance as the song plays]
The sense of sight is what guides us right when we go out on walks.
The sense of smell is the way to tell that you need to change your socks.
The sense of touch is what hurts so much when you bang your toe on the bed.
The sense of hearing is something good, 'cause if a tree falls in the wood, would there be a sound? You bet there would, if it landed on top your head!
WThe Warners
Your head! If a tree lands on top of your head!
The sense of taste affects your waist.
Which makes five senses in all.
There's a sixth sense, too, but it's hard to explain. It's a psychic connection inside of your brain so you can understand people like Shirley MacLaine.
Who wear crystals they bought in the mall!
WThe Warners
The mall! Who wear crystals they bought in the mall!
And now, the other senses!
There are scents you can smell like cologne from Chanel or the scents of expensive perfume.
There are scents of flowers we hope overpowers the kitty box next to your room.
There's a sense of pride you have deep down inside.
When you practice a sense of fair play.
There are dollars and cents that you pay at a toll.
Or the census man who is taking a poll.
And a sense of confusion we're out of control.
WThe Warners
And they really should take us away! Away! They really should take us away!
There's a sense of humor, a sense of doom, or a sense of awe, sense of timing.
The sense of a word, a sense of absurd like trying to do all this rhyming!
And common sense, it's true.
Sense of wonder, sense of beauty.
Sense of honor, sense of duty.
A sense of doubt, a sense of danger.
A sense of fear when you meet a stranger.
A sense of style, a sense of worth.
A sense of direction for knowing the earth.
WThe Warners
A sense of dread as we're singing this song that it's starting to turn out completely all wrong and it's time that we end it because it's too long! [deep breath] 'Cause it just doesn't make any sense! Nonsense! This song doesn't make any sense!
["Video Review" song plays]
We've seen them a thousand times over before!
WThe Warners
And that's why our brains don't work anymore!
The Player is a movie about finding fresh new scripts, like Rambo III and Rocky V and Star Trek Number VI.
Eva toured with Zsa Zsa and they formed a sister act, but both were Unforgiven because neither one could act.
The Hand That Rocked the Cradle once belonged to Hook, you see, but it got bored, and so it joined The Addams Family.
Amadeus was a genius, Beethoven was a dog, The Muppet Family Christmas is about a pig and frog.
There was a sled named "Rosebud" and a citizen named "Kane," he rode 'til the snow was melted, now he's Singin' in the Rain.
The Princess Bride got married to the handsome Prince of Tides, which now makes her dad, The Fisher King the Father of the Bride.
WThe Warners
And pretty soon, you'll see them all inside the TV Guide. Along with all the stars you like to see!
Like Hitchcock and Spielberg and Oliver Stone...
Shirley MacLaine and Sylvester Stallone...
Francis Ford Coppola, Hepburn and Tracy...
Robert Zemeckis and Martin Scorsese...
Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Woody Allen and Mia...
Robert DeNiro and Andy Garcia...
Sophia Loren, Barbra Streisand, Joan Crawford...
Paul Newman, Rock Hudson, Spike Lee, Peter Lawford...
WThe Warners
Jack Nicholson, Brando and Marilyn Monroe....And that's all the people we know!
CCrowd
We're glad the dinosaur is gone, he was an easy mark. But if we ever miss him, we can rent Jurassic Park. So when it comes to clunkers like The Babe or like Presidio...
WThe Warners
Don't pay $7.50. Just catch 'em on home video. As for us, it's bye-bye time, so long and toodle-oo! We've had quite enough of this...
I'm cute, yes, it's true.
I really can't help it, but what can I do?
When you're cute, it just shows
With these two darling eyes and this cute little nose.
And a pretty pink dress that's adorable, yes,
And when they see my dimples then everyone says.
CCrowd
Aw, shoot! Isn't she cute?!
YWYakko and Wakko
Cute, cute, oh, isn't she cute? Cute, cute!
I'm sweet and I'm cuddly and small just like Dudley but more! It's a chore!
To be constantly cute and enchanting to boot.
With my lips sticking out in a cute little pout,
Then there just is no doubt why the guys like to shout.
YWYakko and Wakko
She's a beaut!
YWYakko and Wakko
Cute, cute, oh, baby, she's cute! Cute, cute!
Being cute's a thing you can't hide.
If you look up the word in a book, there's my picture inside.
TV Guide has me on the cover.
YWYakko and Wakko
[becoming bored] Don't you just love her?
I'm the answer to one of the questions in Trivial Pursuit for "Who's the most cute".
YWYakko and Wakko
Cute, cute, oh, isn't she cute? Cute, cute.
I'm cute and I'm sweet and I'm innocent, neat, and so trusting.
YWYakko and Wakko
If you want our opinion, this song is becoming disgusting.
Dot: I'm cute.
YWYakko and Wakko
So what?
She's becoming a pain in the-
But I'm also real nice. I'm a doll through and through.
YWYakko and Wakko
So big whoop-de-doo.
YWYakko and Wakko
And also real boring and that's why we're snoring at you. [make gookie faces, but notices the swing is empty]
[spoken; becomes increasingly mad] That's it! You've ruined my entire cute song! I am angry! I am furious! I AM ENRAGED! I HAVE HAD IT!!! [hyperventilating]
[realizes this] You're awfully cute when you're angry.
[calms down] You really think so?
WThe Warners
A babba dabba babba doo wow!
YWYakko and Wakko
She's cute!
BBaloney
[holding a paper plate, with a face drawn on it in front of his own face] Guess who. [laughs]
Hmm...could it be Nancy Kerrigan?
Is it a big, fat polyester dinosaur, who's the color of an international house of pancakes, with a paper plate over his face?
BBaloney
No. It's me, Baloney!
WThe Warners
You're kidding!
This is the city: Los Angeles, California. On a starlit winter's night, when the moon was shining bright...Back in January of 1994, at 4:30 in the morning, and without a single warning, something strange began to move the floor. A quake! a quake! The house begins to shake! You're bouncing 'cross the floor and watching all your dishes break. You're sleeping, there's a quake, you're instantly awake. You're leaping out of bed and shouting.
I ran outside with neighbors, their faces filled with shock. That's because I'm standing there In nothing but my socks. Oh, a quake, a quake.
Say, it's all a big mistake!
Just feel the ground go up and down!
Won't someone hit the brake? A quake, a quake, oh, what a mess they make! The bricks, the walls, the chimney falls, destruction in its wake!
I did not have insurance, so I called them from the scene And suddenly I'm listening to an answering machine, saying:
Too late! Too late! You shouldn't ought-a wait! So now you're stuck, we wish you luck! Here comes a 6.8! Whose fault? Whose fault? The San Andreas' fault, cause Mr. Richter can't predict her kicking our asphalt! Seismologists all say tectonic plates are in between an encroaching crustal mantle.
WDWakko and Dot
Yeah, so what the heck's that mean?
It means a quake! A quake!
WDWakko and Dot
Oh, really, yeah, no fake? We kinda had that feeling When the ground began to shake!
California's great! It's such a lovely state! 'Cause every lawn is sitting on a continental plate! Los Angeles had fires and a riot and a flood and then a drought and a recession and then now we hear this thud of a quake, a quake!
WWarners
How much more can we take?!
We thought that we had seen it all...
But this one takes the cake! The dirt,
And all those aftershocks!
WWarners
It's just the planet moving granite several city blocks! [to the tune of London Bridge] LA town is falling down while the ground moves around! We won't let it get us down, we're Californians!
It's time to pull up stake.
We're all fed up, we can't deny it!
Fires, quakes, and floods, and riot!
WWarners
We want someplace with peace and quiet. So we're moving to Beirut!
In Hollywood, they have a different language that they speak.
It's spoken by those folks who went to school for just one week.
It's found inside Variety, a magazine they use.
YDYakko and Dot
And no one understands it when they read the movie news.
Like "Hix makes pix but the flick needs fix"...
Means someone made a movie that bombed.
"The VEEPS in charge are now at large"...
Means everyone involved is gone.
"The plot conflix, no beautiful chix"...
So it's comin' out on video soon.
"They're takin' their licks 'cause the critics say nix"...
And the editors are gonna try to fix it in the mix.
Well, "the stock sees green" on page 13...
Means Disney's up a nickel a share.
"Stallone cuts deal for a major reel"...
Means Rocky Number VI, so beware!
YDYakko and Dot
On Hollywood Town this week, you're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
"A boffo-smash makes Warner cash"...
Means there's gonna be a sequel next year.
But "Paramount hurts and they're losing their shirts"...
Means Schwarzenegger's doing King Lear.
"Oliver Stone does next Home Alone"...
Means he's gettin' paid an arm and a leg. The budget goes "crunch!"...
But his name "packs punch"...
So they called up the accountants and they're gonna "do lunch".
Well, "the ratings smile on the O.J. trial"...
Means a movie of the week to premiere.
"Universal cuts deal with Mr. Spiel"...
To do a hundred thousand movies a year!
WWarners
You gotta play it smart If y'wanna be part Of the crowd that's hip and chic! You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
YDYakko and Dot
Normal talk makes producers walk. You might as well speak Greek. You're gonna have to learn.
Or the meeting will adjourn...
WWarners
Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety speak!
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
WWarners
Bop, doo, bop, doo, bop, doo, bah, dah!
U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside!
That United Nations there drives away a fella's care.
183 countries meet down by the East Riverside,
New York, off 42nd Street.
See foreign states with a grudge down by the East Riverside.
United Nations tries to fix wars, famine, and oil slicks.
Boutros Boutros Ghali-gee down by the East Riverside,
Leads the General Assembly.
The gift shop will take traveler's checks down by the East Riverside.
German tourists were not rare buying T-shirts and flatware.
Ate pastry from Liberia down by the East Riverside,
At the U.N. cafeteria.
WWarners
Took a tour with some Dutch down by the East Riverside
We had a guide from Japan who had a decent pension plan.
Saw costly artwork from Brazil down by the East Riverside,
On which my soda I did spill.
U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside.
Saw flags on shiny poles from lands with lofty goals.
We'll beat our swords into liverwurst down by the East Riverside,
But no one wants to be the first.
But then I guess it could be worse.
We could still sing one more verse.
[to Prunella] Vell, you know, when nature calls, you have to pick up the phone and say, "Hello. I got your message. I've got a package for you.".
WWarners
[disgusted] Eugh.
"I've got a package for you"? Excuse me?!
[sarcastically] Oh, look who's talking, Mr. Potty Emergency!
Yeah, but I never said "package".
WWarners
[singing about Googy] The censors all protest, 'cuz she's practically undressed, the cartoon vamp.
YWYakko and Wakko
Hello Googy!
There once was a man, his name was Magellan.
A Portuguese skipper, the girls found him cute.
He sailed with five ships to find the East Indies
Then come back to Spain with a bounty of loot.
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, oh, happy Magellan!
Starting your journey with hardly a care!
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, strong, brave Magellan,
You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
They crossed the Atlantic and spotted a country. Magellan said...
MMagellan
It's the East Indies at last!
But then someone shouted...
Magellan got cranky and chopped down the mast.
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, settle down, Magellan.
Put down that axe! There's no time to despair.
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan,
You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
A great storm arose in the mighty Pacific.
The five little ships were diminished to three.
At last, land was sighted. Magellan was happy.
But then someone shouted...
Warners:
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, cheer up, Magellan.
Check out your map and don't tear out your hair!
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan,
You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
It took them five months, but they crossed the Pacific.
They spotted a land that was dotted with palms.
Magellan proclaimed...
MMagellan
Yes! That's the East Indies!
But then someone shouted...
Hey, I think that's Guam!
Ai yi yi yi, oops, Magellan!
Your fun little journey's become a nightmare!
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan,
You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!
They sailed due west to the Philippine Islands.
Magellan was pleased as the natives drew near.
But then someone shouted...
WWarners
I think they're attacking!
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, farewell, Magellan!
You almost made it! It's really not fair!
Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, oh, ghost of Magellan,
The East Indies Islands were right over there!
Come in, be a smarty!
The shindig's 'bout to starty!
WWarners
For the big wrap party tonight!
WWarners
To the big wrap party tonight!
We're dining buffet style with food from every nation.
So plan to stop a while and join the celebration!
They've come for fun and feastin'.
We've even let the Beast in.
Let's go hors d'oeuvre-in' and see what they're servin'
At the big wrap party tonight.
There's manicotti for Dotty,
Soft shell taco for Yakko,
And Wakko is ready for a truck load of spaghetti
At the big wrap party tonight.
Hello Nurse is eating liverwurst,
Thaddeus Plotz has red hots.
Ralph the Guard is cooking with lard.
The apron that's cute is Dot's.
Take a whiff, Dr. Scratchansniff.
No veal in the meal for Miss Flamiel.
The Flame keeps a-glowin'. The punch bowl's overflowin'
At the big wrap party tonight.
The Randy Beaman kid is eatin' fried squid
At the big wrap party tonight.
The pasta by Pesto is the besto.
Bobby helps Squit, who's choking on a pit!
The cheese balls are nectar to Mr. Director...
At the big wrap party tonight.
The Great Wakkorotti has gone to the potty at the big wrap party tonight.
Runt bakes the bundt cakes.
A pocket of pita for Rita.
WWarners
Nuttin' but mutton for Mindy and Buttons.
Sylvester wants a parakeet-ah.
Katie Ka-Boom can clear out a room.
Chicken Boo is eating tiramisu
At the big wrap party tonight.
The entire crew came from Acme Loo
For the big wrap party tonight!
Get another nappy for Slappy.
More bean dippy for Skippy.
Extra chippos for the Hip Hippos.
The Brain's eating pizza that's drippy.
Minerva Mink's leavin' with Steven.
A hot cocoa drinky for Pinky.
Yakko and Wakko
Don't allow tobacco
At the big wrap party tonight!
It's happy hour in the water tower
At the big wrap party tonight!
In our toon careers, these are the golden years!
We've loved the jokes, so thank you, folks!
You've eaten your fill, now here's the bill For the big wrap party...
Pay with your credit cardy!
At the big wrap party tonight!
The big wrap party tonight!
To spell Santa's name is easy to do.
You write S-A-N-T and another "A", too.
But no "L", no "L", Santa's name has no "L".
And he won't be too pleased if you don't learn to spell.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch water from the well,
But when neither one could find it, Jill started to yell.
No well, no well, can't believe there's no well!
We walked all the way here and I'm mad can't you tell!
Captain Ahab took his crew his harpoon and set sail
And he called out to ships...
Have you seen the white whale?!
SSailors
No whale, no whale, no, we ain't seen no whale!
S1Sailor 1
Saw a couple of dolphins...
S2Sailor 2
And a big yellowtail!
If you've listened to this tune, then you probably can tell
That you've heard it before. It's a song you know well.
Know well, know well, it's a song you know well,
And we've ruined it completely, so we all say, "Oh, well."
Oh, well, oh, well, we'll just say fare thee well!
Merry Christmas to you and a joyous Noel!
We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.
We're touched so you'll be touched.
["Animaniacs" theme plays in the background as the end credits begin]
Phew! Am I glad that's over!
Awh. I have a headache this big, and it's got Warner Bros. written all over it.
"Produced by..." Gimme a break. Bunch of over-paid, credit-grabbing, do-nothings.
"Written by"? Oh, now, there's a joke. You call the dreck they stick us with writing? Huh. Puhlease.
"The Great Stoneeni". Bah. Just once I'd like the guy to write a song in my key. Just once.
Like that would do any good!
Oh, yeah, it's all about you. That's right.
A voice director? Who's that?
Oh, you know, she the person who tells you to redo every line like fifty times.
[furious] Her? I hate her!
"Rob Paulsen as Yakko". Hmmf! Yeah, right.
"Tress MacNeille as Dot". As if.
"Jess Harnell as Wakko". I hear he's cute!
[sarcastic] Ooh, goodie. Here come the storyboard artists.
Besides drawing us off-model and taking three hour coffee breaks, not much.
Look at all those names. Who are all these people?
Oh my- unh. You know, they're artists, Wakko.
You might want to stop by the studio some time, you could meet a few of them.
I'm busy! "Executive in charge of Production"? What does that mean?
[slowly] Nobody really knows.
"Executive Producer - Steven Spielbrig"?
Nonononono - Steven...Springblush.
No, no - Springbile. No, Spriezlof... naw, Mr. Kate Capshaw.
Hey, you wanna go get a cappuccino?
When do you not have a date?
[angrily] I got a date! So, sue me!
She will! Hey - d-did you turn off the mikes?
N- [whispering] No, I thought you did!
WWarners
[realizing] Uh-oh!
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
