Wakko quotes from Animaniacs

Wakko

That was kind of fun.

Yeah, like waiting in line at the DMV.

And now, the Warners present: the senses.

The sense of sight is what guides us right when we go out on walks.

Wakko

The sense of smell is the way to tell that you need to change your socks.

Dot

The sense of touch is what hurts so much when you bang your toe on the bed.

The sense of hearing is something good, 'cause if a tree falls in the wood, would there be a sound? You bet there would, if it landed on top your head!

Your head! If a tree lands on top of your head!

Wakko

The sense of taste affects your waist.

Which makes five senses in all.

Dot

There's a sixth sense, too, but it's hard to explain. It's a psychic connection inside of your brain so you can understand people like Shirley MacLaine.

Who wear crystals they bought in the mall!

The mall! Who wear crystals they bought in the mall!

And now, the other senses!

Dot

There are scents you can smell like cologne from Chanel or the scents of expensive perfume.

There are scents of flowers we hope overpowers the kitty box next to your room.

Wakko

There's a sense of pride you have deep down inside.

When you practice a sense of fair play.

Dot

There are dollars and cents that you pay at a toll.

Or the census man who is taking a poll.

Wakko

And a sense of confusion we're out of control.

And they really should take us away! Away! They really should take us away!

Dot

There's a sense of humor, a sense of doom, or a sense of awe, sense of timing.

The sense of a word, a sense of absurd like trying to do all this rhyming!

Dot

There's incense.

Wakko

And horse sense.

And common sense, it's true.

Dot

Sense of wonder, sense of beauty.

Wakko

Sense of honor, sense of duty.

A sense of doubt, a sense of danger.

Dot

A sense of fear when you meet a stranger.

Wakko

A sense of style, a sense of worth.

A sense of direction for knowing the earth.

A sense of dread as we're singing this song that it's starting to turn out completely all wrong and it's time that we end it because it's too long! [deep breath] 'Cause it just doesn't make any sense! Nonsense! This song doesn't make any sense!

Now, we would like you to begin work immediately.

Wakko

Who's like us to begin?

We would. Us. Ourselves.

Wakko

[jumping up on Queen Elizabeth and looks down her throat] How many people you got in there? Hello?! HELLO?!

Get away from us!

She needs therapy. [plants the queen on a therapy couch] Alright Sybil, whom I'm speaking to now?

We insist that you stop this! You people are crazy!

Look who's talking.

We are not amused.

Well "we" certainly are.

Hey, look at this store!

Wakko

There's movies galore!

Dot

We've seen them a thousand times over before!

And that's why our brains don't work anymore!

The Player is a movie about finding fresh new scripts, like Rambo III and Rocky V and Star Trek Number VI.

Dot

Eva toured with Zsa Zsa and they formed a sister act, but both were Unforgiven because neither one could act.

Wakko

The Hand That Rocked the Cradle once belonged to Hook, you see, but it got bored, and so it joined The Addams Family.

Amadeus was a genius, Beethoven was a dog, The Muppet Family Christmas is about a pig and frog.

Dot

There was a sled named "Rosebud" and a citizen named "Kane," he rode 'til the snow was melted, now he's Singin' in the Rain.

Wakko

The Princess Bride got married to the handsome Prince of Tides, which now makes her dad, The Fisher King the Father of the Bride.

And pretty soon, you'll see them all inside the TV Guide. Along with all the stars you like to see!

Dot

Like Hitchcock and Spielberg and Oliver Stone...

Shirley MacLaine and Sylvester Stallone...

Wakko

Francis Ford Coppola, Hepburn and Tracy...

Dot

Robert Zemeckis and Martin Scorsese...

Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Woody Allen and Mia...

Wakko

Robert DeNiro and Andy Garcia...

Dot

Sophia Loren, Barbra Streisand, Joan Crawford...

Paul Newman, Rock Hudson, Spike Lee, Peter Lawford...

Jack Nicholson, Brando and Marilyn Monroe....And that's all the people we know!

[to Mobster henchmen] Show these kids the door!

That's okay, we can see it from here. [Mobster henchmen pick the Warners up and carry them bodily to the door] Ooh, nice door.

Wakko

Faboo!

Dot

Great hinges.

[to his siblings] Was it something we said?

So 'twas the night before Christmas and all through the house.

Dot

Some creatures was stirring.

Wakko

Including a mouse! [points at Pinky and the Brain]

Tonight, my dear Pinky, our plan is unfurled, we'll steal Santa's sleigh and take over the world!

Brain, you're a genius, you simply astound me! [accidentally hits Brain with a sack he's carrying knocking him off the tower] Narf! Brain's going to pound me.

Dot

The stockings were hung so our names clearly showed...

Wakko

In hopes that old Santa would leave a wide load.

Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!

Dot

[after Ralph who's dressed as Santa Claus crashes through their ceiling] He was dressed all in furs with a glaze in his eyes, 'cuz the fall knocked him silly

[dazed] Duh, happy Easter you guys!

Wakko

His face how it twinkled, his dimples how merry.

Dot

His cheeks were like roses.

[pointing at Ralph's stomach sticking out his shirt] His gut that was scary!

Wakko

Hey, you wanna hear a joke?

No! I don't like ze jokes, Wakko!

Wakko

Not even a knock-knock joke?

NO!

Wakko

It's really funny.

Oh, alright, fine. One joke.

Wakko

Knock-knock!

Who's there?

Wakko

Max!

Max, who?

[looks at the audience, confused, then back at Wakko] Well. Okay, now that's not really a joke, is it? You see, because it makes no sense.

Wakko

It does if you know Max.

But I don't KNOW Max!

Wakko

If you did, you'd be laughin'!

Dot

[singing]

Aw, shoot! Isn't she cute?!

Cute, cute, oh, isn't she cute? Cute, cute!

Dot

I'm the one they adore.

She's a beaut!

Dot

Let's face it, I'm cute!

Cute, cute, oh, baby, she's cute! Cute, cute!

Dot

Being cute's a thing you can't hide.

[becoming bored] Don't you just love her?

Dot

I'm simply a goddess.

And isn't she modest?

Dot

I'm the answer to one of the questions in Trivial Pursuit for "Who's the most cute".

Cute, cute, oh, isn't she cute? Cute, cute.

Dot

I'm cute and I'm sweet and I'm innocent, neat, and so trusting.

If you want our opinion, this song is becoming disgusting.

So what?

Dot

I never am vain.

She's becoming a pain in the-

Dot

But I'm also real nice. I'm a doll through and through.

So big whoop-de-doo.

Dot

I'm sweet and adoring.

And also real boring and that's why we're snoring at you. [make gookie faces, but notices the swing is empty]

Dot

[spoken; becomes increasingly mad] That's it! You've ruined my entire cute song! I am angry! I am furious! I AM ENRAGED! I HAVE HAD IT!!! [hyperventilating]

[realizes this] You're awfully cute when you're angry.

Dot

[calms down] You really think so?

A babba dabba babba doo wow!

She's cute!

Dot

[reading a book on her bed] I love reading cheap horror romance thriller novels. [begins to read]

[dressed up as Indians] Fire! [shoots both arrows, and back to the Union soldiers, playing dead. They continue to laugh and play]

Dot

[annoyed] Quiet! [the brothers stopped while wearing hockey uniforms] Thanks. [goes back to reading, but is still interrupted by her brothers playing pirates and Muskateers; singing] All I want is quiet, no reason to deny it, I can't take that riot, quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! Let me clarify it, the noise, I can't defy it, I simply will not buy it. Give me quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! [opens the top latch of the water tower, and climbs out] Not to nullify it, I just won't stand by it. It's time now to bye-bye it. I want quiet! QUIET! QUIET! [Beethoven's Sixth Symphony plays, she goes to the file to relax, but is disturbed by a cow chewing the grass, the caterpillar eating a leaf, and a cricket chirping; turning red] I said quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! This search I can't deny it to find some peace and quiet. I'll search both low and high, it must be quiet! QUIET! QUIET!!! [goes to Scotland to read, but gets interrupted by Angus McRory's bagpipes] QUIET! [goes to France, where she enters the Notre Dame Cathedral; sighs] Such peace. Such joy. [tries to read, but the sound of the bells caused her to rip the book in half] QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!! [goes to Italy, where she sits on the bench and tries to read the fixed book, but the Leaning Tower of Pisa falls over and crumbles to the ground. She goes to Africa, where the animals are roaming in the fields] I said quiet! Quiet! QUIET! [she sailed to the small island where she finds a place to read, but is interrupted by a volcano, which erupts by shooting her into the sky and splash in the ocean. Tranquil music plays. She, at last, climbs to the top of Mount Everest, looks around] Yoo-hoo! [echoes. There's no sound. At last, she can finally read; followed by silence] Hmm. Gee, it's so quiet. [shrugs, gets back to reading, but looks around some more] Too quiet. Terribly quiet. Awfully quiet. [screams loudly with an echo, but there is still no sound] I thought I wanted quiet, I thought I could apply it, but now that I have tried it. [nods] I'm sick and tired of quiet! [pulls out a radio, turns on a rock version of the theme song, and starts reading, getting used to the sound; iris out]

[holding a paper plate, with a face drawn on it in front of his own face] Guess who. [laughs]

Wakko

Is it Abraham Lincoln?

[laughs] No.

Dot

Hmm...could it be Nancy Kerrigan?

[laughs] No.

Is it a big, fat polyester dinosaur, who's the color of an international house of pancakes, with a paper plate over his face?

No. It's me, Baloney!

You're kidding!

These people will clap at anything.

Wakko

[looks up hopefully] Hey everybody! Wanna hear me play 'Yankee Doodle' on my armpit?

Uhhhh, almost anything.

This is the city: Los Angeles, California. On a starlit winter's night, when the moon was shining bright...Back in January of 1994, at 4:30 in the morning, and without a single warning, something strange began to move the floor. A quake! a quake! The house begins to shake! You're bouncing 'cross the floor and watching all your dishes break. You're sleeping, there's a quake, you're instantly awake. You're leaping out of bed and shouting.

Oh, for heaven's sake!

I ran outside with neighbors, their faces filled with shock. That's because I'm standing there In nothing but my socks. Oh, a quake, a quake.

Dot

Say, it's all a big mistake!

Wakko

Just feel the ground go up and down!

Won't someone hit the brake? A quake, a quake, oh, what a mess they make! The bricks, the walls, the chimney falls, destruction in its wake!

I did not have insurance, so I called them from the scene And suddenly I'm listening to an answering machine, saying:

Too late! Too late! You shouldn't ought-a wait! So now you're stuck, we wish you luck! Here comes a 6.8! Whose fault? Whose fault? The San Andreas' fault, cause Mr. Richter can't predict her kicking our asphalt! Seismologists all say tectonic plates are in between an encroaching crustal mantle.

Yeah, so what the heck's that mean?

It means a quake! A quake!

Oh, really, yeah, no fake? We kinda had that feeling When the ground began to shake!

California's great! It's such a lovely state! 'Cause every lawn is sitting on a continental plate! Los Angeles had fires and a riot and a flood and then a drought and a recession and then now we hear this thud of a quake, a quake!

How much more can we take?!

Dot

We thought that we had seen it all...

But this one takes the cake! The dirt,

Dot

The rocks,

Wakko

And all those aftershocks!

It's just the planet moving granite several city blocks! [to the tune of London Bridge] LA town is falling down while the ground moves around! We won't let it get us down, we're Californians!

A quake.

Dot

A quake.

Wakko

It's time to pull up stake.

We're all fed up, we can't deny it!

Dot

Fires, quakes, and floods, and riot!

We want someplace with peace and quiet. So we're moving to Beirut!

In Hollywood, they have a different language that they speak.

Dot

It's found inside Variety, a magazine they use.

And no one understands it when they read the movie news.

Dot

Like "Hix makes pix but the flick needs fix"...

Means someone made a movie that bombed.

Dot

"The VEEPS in charge are now at large"...

Means everyone involved is gone.

Dot

"The plot conflix, no beautiful chix"...

So it's comin' out on video soon.

Dot

"They're takin' their licks 'cause the critics say nix"...

And the editors are gonna try to fix it in the mix.

Dot

Well, "the stock sees green" on page 13...

Means Disney's up a nickel a share.

Dot

"Stallone cuts deal for a major reel"...

Means Rocky Number VI, so beware!

Dot

If you want the poop.

Or ya need the scoop.

On Hollywood Town this week, you're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!

Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!

Dot

"A boffo-smash makes Warner cash"...

Means there's gonna be a sequel next year.

Dot

But "Paramount hurts and they're losing their shirts"...

Means Schwarzenegger's doing King Lear.

Dot

"Oliver Stone does next Home Alone"...

Means he's gettin' paid an arm and a leg. The budget goes "crunch!"...

Dot

But his name "packs punch"...

So they called up the accountants and they're gonna "do lunch".

Dot

Well, "the ratings smile on the O.J. trial"...

Means a movie of the week to premiere.

Dot

"Universal cuts deal with Mr. Spiel"...

To do a hundred thousand movies a year!

You gotta play it smart If y'wanna be part Of the crowd that's hip and chic! You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!

Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!

Normal talk makes producers walk. You might as well speak Greek. You're gonna have to learn.

Wakko

Or the meeting will adjourn...

Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety speak!

Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!

Bop, doo, bop, doo, bop, doo, bah, dah!