Yakko quotes from Animaniacs

I am Ludwig Van Beethoven, world famous composer and pianist.

You're a what?

A pianist.

Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!

That's what I am! A pianist!

I think we've heard enough of you.

Wakko

[after trying to play Beethoven's hearing aide as if it were a brass instrument] Where's the mouth piece to this thing?

It's in my ear.

Wakko

[spits out in disgust] THAT'S REVOLTING! [throws the hearing aid onto Beethoven]

[speaking through the hearing aid] You really shouldn't put stuff in people's ears. You'll go deaf.

[his mouth pops out of his hearing aid] I "AM" DEAF!

[shrug] Too late.

All is strange and vague.

Dot

Are we dead?

Or is this Ohio?

[holding onto Death] That means we'll all be like a family!

Wakko

Can we call you "Dadoo"?

Dot

Hey, Pop, can we stay up past ten?

Can we watch the adult channel?

Hellooooooo, Nurse!

[serious voice over] We were each chosen for our unique abilities. That's Dot. Her specialty: Cuteness. [Dot blows kisses] That's Wakko. His specialty: The mallet. [whacks some nuts with the mallet, and eats them all] That's me. My specialty: Two paddle-balls at once!

[referring to a map] Now you have to get from this office here to soundstage 64 here, and stop that director. Any questions?

[raising their hands] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Dot

Would I look cute as a blonde?

Wakko

Why do cats purr?

Who's chubbier, Perry Mason or Scotty on "Star Trek"?

[crazy voice] Okay! I'm ready for my ending!

Dot

You want it?

[crazy voice] Oh, yeah!

Are you sure?

[crazy voice] Yeah! Give! Give! Froinlaven!

[through the megaphone] And...action!

[gets hit in the head by a huge mallet, Crazy voice] That's an ending?

[whispering to Yakko] Microphone was in the shot.

[through the megaphone] Okay, everybody! Let's do it again!

[crazy voice] Oh no! I don't want that!

[through the megaphone] And...action!

[gets hit with the large mallet again, is as flat as a pancake, crazy voice] The hurting...the hurting...cut, print, that's a wrap.

[to his siblings] Let's go home.

This is absurd! You little goons have been bothering me ever since I sat down! Do you know who I am?

No. Do you know who "I" am?

No!

Then we're even.

[as Ivan Bloski jumps into the ocean and swims away furiously] Friends don't let friends disappear over the horizon alone. [the Warners all jump into a rowboat] Wait!

Dot

Stick around!

Wakko

We're gonna make sloppy joes and rent Don Knotts videos!

Wakko

Hey! Let's get some ice cream!

Dot

How 'bout this one? "Pistachio Almond Fruit Fudge Butterscotch Delight".

Ingredients: Zinc trisodium, aspartate, sorbitol and bisulfate, oxide beta carotene, lactic acid, carob bean. [singing] Grade-A milk emulsified, malto-dextrine alkalide, silicon deoxylite, lots of sugar.

Hey, alright!

Calcified synthetic salt, artificial barley malt, glycerine and aspartate, folic acid.

Wakko

That tastes great!

Monosodium glutamate, dehydrated calceinate, soybean oil, butter fat, caramel center.

Wakko

I'll eat that!

Hooray for sugar, 'cause we love it! Chocolate chips, we want more of it! Cakes and ice cream! Want to shove it down our throats real fast!

Here's a candy bar, you tried it?

Wakko

Hey, let's all see what's inside it!

Gelatinized triglycerin, phosphate, soybean, lecithin, deoxylite tri-silicon, dipped in chocolate.

Bring it on!

Citrus enzymes, BHT, powdered milk.

Dot

Sounds good to me!

Baking soda, carob gum, carbohydrates.

Yummy-yum!

Monosodium glutamate, zinc disodium algenate, whole grain flour, yeast and fat.

Wakko

Time to eat it! I'll do that!

We like sweets a lot, so give us all you've got and we'll stuff 'em in our bodies 'til they make our insides rot!

Number one sister! Dust for prints! [Dot pulls out a feather duster] Doctor Wakko, it could be a long night. Better order some pizzas.

Wakko

[picks up a telephone next to the chair] I'd like 42 pizzas, 6 with no crusts. [smiles at camera]

[goes over to Flavio and Marita] Now - Do you have any enemies?

No.

Do you have any creditors?

No.

Well then... [runs over to a piano and begins playing it] Do you have any requests? Thank you so much! [picks up a mic and begins singing] Way down, Jack / Upon the Nile River, Jack...

Dot

I found Prince! [holding the musical artist Prince in her arms]

No no no, fingerprints! [wiggles his fingers]

Dot

[looks at Prince, he smiles at her, then puts his head back in a "facepalm"; shakes her head to the camera] I don't think so. [tosses him out a window]

And now, the Warner Brothers in a scene from William Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream", translated for those viewers who, likeYakko, have no idea what he's saying.

[annoyed] Hmph! [Dot giggles] If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended.

Dot

If the actors in our show made you mad, it will be okay if you look at it this way!

That you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear.

Dot

You fell asleep on your butt and dreamed the whole thing.

And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream.

Dot

There was a hole in the plot you can drive a truck through.

Gentles, do not reprehend...

Dot

Honeys, don't blame us. You could be watching Oprah.

If you pardon, we will mend.

Dot

But we're sorry and we promise our next show will be full of funny skits.

Wakko

[enamored] Hello pixie! [chases after her]

And, as I am an honest Puck...

Dot

I'm not touching that one.

If we have unearned luck now to 'scape the serpent's tongue.

Dot

What he said.

We will make amends ere long!

Dot

We'll buy you foot long hot dogs!

Else the Puck a liar call: So, good night unto you all. [he blows a kiss]

Dot

Goodnight everybody!

Give me your hands, if we be friends.

Dot

Applaud if you like us!

Wakko

And Robin shall restore amends.

Dot

And the Boy Wonder will save us.

[dazed] Oh, what fools these Warners be!

Did you call for the bravest, most daring knight in all the land?

Oh, yes.

Well, too bad. You got us.

Dot

What a silly mix-up!

It's time to play...

[offscreen, as the words "You Risk Your Life" appear on the screen] You Risk Your Life!

Now, everybody's favorite host, Yakko.

Thank you. Oh, Scratchansniff. Why don't we bring out our first two contestants?

Okay. She's a homemaker from Madison, Wisconsin. He is the world's greatest philosopher. Please, welcome Mrs. Myra Puntridge und Aristotle.

Welcome to You Risk Your Life. Say the secret word, and Wakko will hit you on the head with a mallet.

[offscreen, whispering] Today's secret word is "Yes."

Now, Myra, you're a homemaker, is that right?

Oh, correct.

What kind of homes do you make?

And, Aristotle, let's see here. It says you are a philosopher, is that correct?

Yes.

Congratulations. You said the secret word. Well, are you both ready to play you risk your life?

Yes.

You said the secret word again. Congratulations. All right, you've chosen the category "Vocabulary." Here's your question. "What word is the opposite of 'No'?"

Yes.

That's correct!

Good night, everybody. See you tomorrow.

Mallet furnished by Bashem and Wallop of Beverly Hills. Good night.

Candie

[reading letter] "Dear Candie Chipmunk, congratulations. You have been chosen to appear on the new game show entitled 'The New Game Show'. Come to the studio right away." Imagine me on a game show. What'll I wear?

All right, Candie. You've already won a washer-dryer, a wet bar, a lexus, The Love Boat, Cher's house, and the planet Venus.

Ooh. Aah.

Do you want to keep your prizes, or trade them for something possibly even bigger behind curtain number 3?

[in unison with Wakko] Hello, nurse!

Dot

Boys, go fig.

Candie

I'll take...the curtain!

Skippy

She exploded!

Slappy

It's a toon thing. [a knocks on door] Shoot me [she opens the door, and Candie throws the can at her head from outside the tree offscreen] Look at that, she ain't recycling.

[popping out of a barrel] So this is The Love Boat. [he and his siblings pull out lounge chairs and sunbathe; to Ishmael] You must be Doc.

Call me Ishmael.

Call me Ishtar.

Wakko

Call me irresponsible.

Dot

Call me any time, but not collect, okay, big fella?

[to Queequeg] Hi, we're stowaways. Are you gopher?

No, I Queequeg.

Sorry to hear that. Next time, don't eat so many prunes.

Wakko

[pointing to a flag with a prohibition symbol over Moby Dick] Hey, look! They've got miniature golf onboard!

Fore!

[emerges] Who dares disturb my brooding? [grabs Starbuck by his collar] Starbuck, have you sighted Moby Dick?

Ach! Negative, Captain. We must quit this mad quest.

Ye craven bilge rat. We'll search for Moby Dick until- what?

Captain Stubing, you mind if I steered the boat so we can go water-skiing?

What? Yes. Go away. [as the Warners run up to the helm] We'll search for Moby Dick until the seas dry up and the fish flop around in their underwear because all the water's gone. We'll search until - huh? [the Pequod tilts] What in the name of Neptune's pantry?! [sees Yakko steering the wheel at the helm, and runs up to him] Give me that wheel at once!

You're the captain. [spins the wheel and gives it to Captain Ahab, who spins around]

Whoa! [then spins towards the barrels knocking them down like bowling pins at a bowling alley. The Warner Siblings help him up] Who are ye?!

We're The Warner Brothers, Captain Stubing.

Dot

And The Warner Sister. Say, would you see if there's anything stuck in my teeth?

Wakko

You know, if you shaved your beard, you'd look just like Ernest Borgnine.

Mark ye well that I am Captain Ahab. Cursed by vengeance to roam the seas until I find Moby Dick. You stowaways earn your keep aboard The Pequod. Now find me a white whale!

Dot

Okay.

Look! A white whale!

Where?! Where?!

[singing] Monkeys always look! Monkeys always look!

Stop your tomfoolery! Find me that whale!

Thar she blows!

Where?! Where?!

Dot

[plays the trumpet; as Louis Armstrong ] That's high C on the high seas. Yeah.

So, what do you say, Cap? Let's look for something else now.

Dot

[in normal voice] Yeah. Who cares about a white whale? Let's dress up like ghosts and scare the crew.

Don't ye understand? All I live for is to catch Moby, and destroy him for his oil, conquer him for his blubber, stomp on his big whale head and make perfume from his brain.

Captain, you've gotta go on shore leave more often.