But I must conquer this NOW! YAAA! I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!!
(The ocean rages its waves around)
[As one tiny drop of water flies onto Finn, slow motion] YAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I'm afraid of you! I'm afraid of you! Aaaaaah!
[Finn drags himself to safety, then does the dance on his back and sighs.]
[Drags himself to Jake's feet, with a very wrinkled face] Okay, yeah... Let's try tomorrow...
(The next day...)
JakeFinn? Finn. Finn, wake up, buddy.
Jake
Ready for me to help you get over your ocean fear?
Jake
Cool, but I'm only going to do this if you ask me.
Jake
Then get ready for my three-step plan. Watch your troubles melt away with step one!
(Jake shoves the wall, causing the room to collapse, revealing Finn's bed floating in open water!)
AAAAAAAAHHHH! Jake, are you crazy?! This is NOT an okay thing to do!!! (Finn hyperventilates)
Jake
Relax, dude. The ocean is your friend. And you got friends all around you right now. Miles and miles of friends...
(Finn tries struggling out of bed, but Jake pulls back the blanket revealing him tied up.)
Jake
Don't try to struggle, man. I'll let you out in a second. You just have to calm down.
Really? Okay... I'm calming down.
Jake
You're doing great! Ready for step two?
(nervously) Yeah, man, I can do it.
Jake
All right, dude. Step...TWO!
(Jake unties the rope around Finn, dismantling the bed and setting Finn down into the water.)
Jake! This ISN'T a joke!! IT'S TOUCHING ME!!!
Jake
Let it hold you, man! Let it hold you like a child!
(wearing a distressed face) I'm TRYING to let it hold me! (razzes fearfully)
Jake
Control your breathing!
(Finn takes a few deep breaths to calm himself, but it fails to work.)
Jake
That means we've gotta move on to step three! Just don't scream!
Jake
I'm gonna push you underwater with my jowls! Just don't scream! Don't scream!
(Jake groans as he comes to)
Jake
Yeah, man. Wait. Finn! You did it - you conquered your fear!
Jake. You’re at the bottom of the ocean!
(Finn lets out a fart upon realizing where he is. He screams, pulling the now useless emergency tab)
Jake
Maybe we should celebrate on land.
Wait, so, what was the lesson we just learned?
Jake
Maybe it was, don't give your sugar to jerks?
Speaking of jerks—what the blubins, man!? Why wouldn't you help me turn back into a boy?
Jake
Well, because I always kind of wanted to... [mumbles]
Jake
I said, I always kind of wanted to be a foot myself.
You could be a foot right now! I saw you change into a foot twice yesterday!
Jake
It's complicated, man. You'll understand when you're older.
There's something to tell you about that bottle that hit you in the face.
I already know, Finn! The Duke of Nuts has ALWAYS been a bad guy! But now that he's done this, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE HIM!!! And it's not just because that I HATE the Duke! I'd never forgive ANYBODY who did THIS to me! I'd hate them!
[Finn facepalms, his eyes shinier and larger than usual]
Finally, i have a WITNESS to his misdeeds!
Jake
Two Witnesses!
[Bonnie hugs Finn from behind, and he gets nervous]
Oh, Finn, my flawless, lawless champion! Bring the Duke of Nuts to justice, the justice... [Her face turns deranged] OF A COLD DUNGEON! [Finn runs back to Jake] MUAAAAAHAHAHAAHHAAH!! [Her bodysuit starts leaking even more] HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!! HA!! HA!! HA!! HEEEEEEE!!!
FJFinn & Jake
The Marquis of Nuts!?
MMarquis
Yes!! But I didn't come alone! [shripp!]
[The turtle's head breaks, revealing the red squirrel obsessed with Jake]
SSquirrel
Remember me, Jake?!
Jake
...Nope.
[The squirrel foams from its mouth and its pupils turn red]
SSquirrel
WAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
Whooo wants to play video gaa~mes?
Jake
What's on the menu, Beemo?
I've created a new game called "Conversation Parade."
FJFinn and Jake
Ha, alright! / Start it up, Beemo!
[singing] What do you think about the stars in the sky
Jake
Yeah, they're cool.
That is an interesting response. Battery low! SHUTDOWN.
Jake
Hello, Finn. I am awake and healthy.
Jake, what happened to your bombastic personality?
Jake
I do not know what you mean. I am perfectly bombastic.
Nah man, nah. Something's wrong. Tell me something amazing!
Jake
But Finn, I cannot tell you something amazing, as there is nothing amazing happening around us that I can describe for you.
Aw see man, you suck now!
So, what am I being charged with?
Jake
Five counts of jerk-a-tearing! Hah!
Yeah. What does it matter?
DAHH!!! Of course it matters!! The way it works is — first, I transgress your meaningless rules, and then you maliciously persecute me!
That makes sense. You do bad things, I punish you.
FOOL!! You have disrupted that order! For — are you ready for this? I have committed no RECENT CRIME!!
[laughing] I'm rocking your worldview!
Jake
Wait, you were gonna wee-wee if I was the Gut Grinder?
SGSoft Girl
Oh yeah! We're terrified of him!
Jake
THEN I AM THE GUT GRINDERRRR!!!
SGSoft Girl
I'M GONNA WEE-WEE!!
[she sprays liquid out of her armpits and spins around, wailing. Finn and Jake laugh]
Jake
What if I am the Gut Grinder?
Jake
What if I'm.. like, stealing gold in my sleep?
You can't be stealing gold in your sleep! [dilates] I watch you while you sleep.
Jake
Wha? Yo Finn, that is creepy, man.
I can't help it. I take pictures.
Jake
Well, when do you sleep!?
Jake
Well, there's gotta be a time when you're not watchin' me... tha— that I— that I might be stealing gold unconsciously!
[into Jake's ear] YOU—ARE—NOT—THE—GUT—GRINDER!!
Jake
Dude... Let's kill the horse.
Jake
I'm so tired, Finn!
No, man! We're not killing the horse!
Jake
Okay, we won't kill the horse. We'll dress him up like a bunny! Haha! And get a giant hawk — CAWWWH — to kill him!!
Jake
AAWWRHH!! RRAAHHR!!
Jake
Ehh... [...] Did I say that the hawk would kill him? I meant that the hawk would swoop down gently and take him away to a land of sunshine and love stuff, and take care of him.
Whoa. That sounds awesome.
Adventure Time · 447 quotes
