“Storytelling” quotes from Adventure Time

Finn

Jake, Jake! Check it out! This true story is going to totally cure you.

Jake

Oh my gosh! What is it?

Finn

First, the leaf fell off a tree. Oh, but — wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...

Jake

Spit it out!

Finn

The snail was on the leaf! [long beat] ..The end. [Jake then starts to recoil]

Jake

Oh, no... Now I feel a thousand times worse! Finn, a story's got to have excitement, romance, [pulls his cheeks] suspe-e-e-e-ense... and it has to have a happy ending. [sniffles]

Finn

But... I don't know how to make that stuff happen.

Jake

That's okay, buddy. Just... dig me a hole, then. Actually, two holes — one for my guts and one for my face, 'cause when I die, my guts are gonna blow out of my face!!

Finn

I am not gonna let that happen, dude!

Jake

Then go get me that story. [hands him a piece of paper] And make sure it has all the stuff on this list.

Finn

I'll be back as fast as I can! [runs off] I won't let your guts blow out of your face!

[beat] Would you eat dirt?

Finn

I would for Jake! [munches mouthful, gulps and spitting everywhere] Okay, now you guys kiss!

Man, what a freak.

Let's go.

Finn

WHAT!?! No! Jake needs this!! Stop!! [grabs them both] Rrrh! Just come on..!

What!? No!

Gah.. wait..!

Finn

Y'see? No big deal!

[spatting] Ah- can't- believe you made me do that..! I'm secretly in love with Mr. Goose... And now he'll never love me because now I'm soiled...!!

I've been waiting for this my whole life. [sneaks up on Finn]

[to Teenage Bear] Oh no, you don't! [slaps him in the face]

You never let me do anything!

Finn

[strikes Teenage Bear with his sword, and Teenage Bear falls to the ground]

[to Finn] You killed him!

[to Mama Bear] Mom, quit touching me!