MMarjorie
Lisa, you weren't in school yesterday. Why? Were you sick?
No, no, yesterday was a Jewish holiday.
MMarjorie
Yeah, but you're not Jewish.
I know that, but the man that my mom just married is, so we get all the Catholic holidays and all the Jewish holidays.
MMarjorie
Hey, that's a great idea! As soon as I get home, I'm going to tell my mom to get divorced and marry someone of a different religion! That way I can have two sets of holidays!
Yeah, and just think, if your parents both marry someone of a different religion, just think of all the holidays you'd get! No more school!
MMarjorie
YEAH! [the girls both giggle hysterically]
[Lisa and Marjorie are in the living room]
Marjorie, I thought you said that your parents were getting a separation.
MMarjorie
They are, but since neither of them could afford to move out, they separated the house.
[Camera switches to a wider shot, revealing that the living room is divided straight down the middle by a solid white line, which divides the sofa and table in half. In one chair, on the same side of the house as the TV, sits Valerie, knitting, and in the other chair on the other side of the white line sits Lance, reading the paper. Lisa and Marjorie are seated on Valerie's half of the couch.]
Marjorie dear, I'm afraid your little friend is going to have to go home now.
MMarjorie
Aw Mom, she just got here!
Marjorie dear, you know the rules - no company after eight o'clock.
MMarjorie
All right. Dad?
Yeah? What is it, Marjorie?
MMarjorie
Can we come over to play?
Why sure, kid! You know what I always say, my house is your house.
[The girls get up, cross the white line and move to the other side of the sofa.]
MMarjorie
Dad, this is my friend Lisa.
[The girls sit down on the couch. Marjorie sits right on the dividing white line, Valerie cautions "Uh-uh-uh!" and Marjorie scoots back over to the other side.]
Marjorie, I can't see the TV.
MMarjorie
Oh yeah, I know that. Mom got custody.
[holding up his beer can] But I got custody of the fridge. Heh heh.
Justin! You ate all the pancakes!
I was hungry. Next time don't get up so late.
"Next" time? What about this time?! I was all set to come in here and pour the syrup over a big stack of hot pancakes!
Well, find something else to pour your syrup over.
[Laughing] All right, I will.
[Christine pours the syrup over Justin's head.]
MMarjorie
Justin, is that what they call "Sweet Revenge"?
[Tasting the syrup] Guess so.
You Can't Do That on Television · 355 quotes