You Can't Do That on Television · Season 6, Episode 6
Justin! You ate all the pancakes!
I was hungry. Next time don't get up so late.
"Next" time? What about this time?! I was all set to come in here and pour the syrup over a big stack of hot pancakes!
Well, find something else to pour your syrup over.
[Laughing] All right, I will.
[Christine pours the syrup over Justin's head.]
Justin, is that what they call "Sweet Revenge"?
[Tasting the syrup] Guess so.
"Rambo Shoots The Ayatollah" will not be seen at this time so that we can get our revenge on you by showing this special program.
Christine, I could wring your stupid neck.
What are you girls fighting about, anyway?
You'll never guess what she did at lunch yesterday.
She took her milk [pours a milk carton down Alasdair's shirt] and poured it down my shirt like this.
Oh, big deal! You know what she did? She took her Jell-O and [takes a handful of Jell-O and stuffs it in Alasdair's shirt pocket] first she put in my pocket [squishes the pocket] like that, and then she took some more and [takes another handful and smooshes it on Alasdair's shirt] smooshed in on my shirt like that, and then she smooshed it [takes a thid handful and smooshes it on Alasdair's shirt collar] on my neck!
Well, I was just trying to get even! [grabs a bottle of ketchup] Then you took your ketchup [squirts it on Alasdair's shirt] and squirted it all over me like this!
Lisa... THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON [tears a sleeve off Alasdair's shirt] TO RIP THE SLEEVE OFF MY SHIRT!
Now, girls, this is pointless. You have been friends much, much too long to fight. Now, truce?
[He grabs the girls' hands and moves them together.]
Come on, now make up. Truce? There.
Sorry.
I'm sorry, too. It was my fault.
[The classroom. Justin is passing a note to Lisa.]
Justin! Lisa! [he grabs the note] Passing little notes again. How many times have I warned you? Well, I'm gonna fix you two. I'm gonna read this little love note to the entire class.
[Everyone else in the class cheers as Schidtler opens the note.]
"Class dismissed."
[The students cheer as they run out of the classroom and Schidtler protests against it.]
[Opposite sketch. Nasti the dungeonkeeper is chained in the dungeon.]
Okay, Alasdair, I guess you finally got your revenge.
Not exactly. Maestro, if you please?
[There is a brief piano scale, then...]
[singing loudly and off-key] ONE MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, A MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER...
[as Alasdair continues to sing] What? 999,000? No, don't! Please! I can't stand it! It'll take forever! [moans]
Oh, sandwich again? Boring. What have you got?
I got year old bread with green meat, sour milk, and frankfurter bits in green Jell-o.
Oh, gross!
Justin, never tell your mother she looks good in wrinkles.
[Justin is sitting on the front porch while loud music can be heard from inside. Alasdair enters.]
Hey, what's up, Justin?
My stupid sister and her stupid friends are having a stupid slumber party. They've taken over the whole house, I can't even get into my own room.
It's pretty bad. I say you take revenge out on them, like putting itching powder in their sleeping bags.
I would never do something as juvenile and mature as that.
[Suddenly, we hear screaming and the girls run out of the house.]
[laughing] Besides, frogs work much better!
[Alasdair pulls a small frog out of his pocket and throws it at them.]
I can't believe Majorie! She copied all her answers off me!
No!
Yes. But I got even with her. I wrote all the wrong answers down.
[The bedroom. Christine lifts her bed sheets and screams, waking up Lisa.]
Yesterday, I put a frog in Alasdair's bed.
So?
This morning he put a toad in mine and I put a lizard in his.
So?
So take a look at what he did to get even!
[She lifts it partially, and we hear growling. Lisa hides behind her covers.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's You Can't Do That on Television pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
