Principal quotes from You Can't Do That on Television

Elizabeth, you know it's against the rules to wear makeup during school hours!

But sir, it's after school hours now, isn't it?

It's still against the rules to wear makeup in school.

Oh, dear. Well, I don't want to break any more rules. I guess I'd better leave right away.

I guess you'd better. And let this be a lesson to you, never to wear makeup in school again.

All right, I won't. [She leaves]

[Suddenly realizing he's been tricked] ...Wait a minute!... Just once, why can't I win just once?!

Angela, the price for not doing your homework is three hours in detention.

Three hours in detention? But the old price used to be only one hour in detention.

I know, but like anything else, the price is going up these days.

All right Adam, I want you to copy pages 7 to 9,742 in this dictionary.

Sir, you can't make me stay here! It's my birthday today! I'm having guests over, a big party, a cake, everything!

Oh. Your birthday, you say? Well, in that case, I might let you off...

Oh, thank you, sir...

I said, might let you off, if you hadn't used that excuse at least 15 times this year, and I don't remember how many times last year. Do you think I'm stupid? I'm not falling for that again.

But sir, it really IS my birthday today!

Do you think that I'm an idiot? If you'd had as many birthdays as you've claimed in the last couple of years, you'd be... 75 years of age.

("old man" voice) Well, how clever of you to work that out, sir! I'm actually 75 today! And you wouldn't put an old man through detention, would you? (clutches his chest as though he were having a heart attack) My heart can't take it.

(rushes to help Adam out of his seat and to the door) Oh! No! Easy, sir! Come along now... oh, by the way, happy birthday.

("old man" voice) Thank you, young lad!

And many happy returns, sir. Bye-bye!

(leaving detention room) Bye!

And have a good day.

(outside the bathroom, knocking on the door) Come on. You can't hide in the bathroom, it's time to go to school. I don't care if you got no clothes on, I'm coming in! (she enters) Aha! (she heads for the shower curtain, then opens it, revealing the principal) Aha! You have to go to school!

Please don't make me go to school. You know how I hate it there and those big Grade 10 boys!

No excuse. You have to go to school, it's the law! Besides, you're the principal! Now come along. (she grabs the principal by the ear and pulls him out)