Harper Finkle quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Alex

(about Juliet's parents' plans to suck her and Harper's blood) Wait a minute, so you were planning this the whole time? Unbelievable! Well! Maybe this goes without saying, but I quit!

Harper

(to Alex) I kinda need the job, so I'm going to take my chances.

Jerry

Not until you apologize for almost biting my daughter's neck and turning her into a vampire for all of eternity!

Alright, alright, we're sorry! Why don't we smooth it over with a little bit of ice cream?

Jerry

Really? You're about to turn our daughter into a vampire, and you think you can just "smooth it over" with some ice cream?

So you don't want the ice cream?

Jerry

No, we want the ice cream.

Theresa

Jerry!

Jerry

Um...and I think we need more of an apology.

Unlimited toppings?

Jerry

I accept your apology. I'll take mine in a cup.

Alex

Dad! They were just about to eat our blood!

Jerry

That's right! This is unacceptable! Harper was going to be the one to take care of us in our old age!

Harper

(quietly) Yes!

Alright! I'll make dinner, too! Who's up for some really rare steaks?

Alex

(singing) I am singing this whole song to learn a spell.

Harper

Learn a spell.

Alex

This is the thing that Justin does so well.

Harper

Does so well.

Alex

When I'm in a jam and need to scram I cast a spell called Jackie Chan I'm singing this whole song and I learn spells. When I need something that's far away I cast a spell called (pauses and reads) "Grow legs and come my way."

Harper

It comes in handy if your lazy. Which you are and sometimes being your best friend you don't even care or thank me for the things like-

Alex

Harper!

Harper

(stops singing)

Alex

Is everything okay?

Harper

You mean because it didn't rhyme? I'll work on that.

Juliet

(licking a red substance that looks like blood from her hand)

Alex

Oh my gosh, she did it.

Harper

(gets a empty doughnut) The vampire took all of the jelly out of this doughnut!

Alex

And no weight gain because you're dead!

Harper

The jelly does kinda of look like blood.

Juliet

Yeah, that's why vampires carry jelly doughnuts.

Alex

(laughs) You're awesome.

Juliet

I know.

Alex

And I don't say that to any of my brother's girlfriends because they're all monsters. I mean there was a centaur, a werewolf.

Juliet

Well I'm a vampire.

Alex

Yeah but you have normal feet.

Juliet

That's true.

Alex

Okay, I have to ask you something. Why would somebody cool as you would be dating my brother?

Juliet

Well I find that if you're a little cooler than your boyfriend, he'll never dump you!

Ohhhh!

Harper

Okay, now I gotta ask you something. When you turn into a bat where do your clothes go?

Juliet

Well you're not really thinking about that when you're going (waves her arms) WHOOO! WHOO! WHOO!

Harper

You smell like vanilla.

Juliet

Thanks! I use it to disguise the smell of death and decay!

Harper

Wait, what?! What happens when they catch me?

Alex

Oh don't worry. They'll find out that you're a human impersonating a monster and they'll release you like a little fish....I think.

Harper

(calls her mom) Mom, you were right! They did ask! Okay, bye! (hangs up) She said yes! Group hug!

(shocked that Harper manipulated them)

Justin

You and your mom manipulated us! Looks like you are part of this family. (Everyone leaves except Alex.)

Harper

I learned one thing.

Alex

(smiling) When did you become the most amazing person in my life?

Harper

The first day we met in kindergarten. We had to sleep in different rooms 'cause we snored.

Mason

How would you feel about maybe going for some tea later?

Alex

Okay. But if 'go for tea' doesn't mean a date then I'm gonna be really embarrassed. And that whole accent thing, girls see right through it... no they don't.

Harper

Oh. Kittens never lose. Next time I'm gonna paint Macgruder being eaten by a kitten. Yeah he's gonna drop this class.

Mason

Alex, I'm over Juliet you've got to believe me.

Alex

Well, I don't. Just because she didn't want you, Mason, I'm your second choice.

Harper

Things are going well on my shift.

Mason

Listen to me, Alex. I can prove it. All we have to do is go back to Transylvania and find the true love necklace. If you put it on me and it glows, then you'll know how I truly feel about you.

Alex

No. I'm never going back there. You can go get it.

Mason

No. You have to go with me.. 'cause that's where it all went bad, and that's where I'm gonna make it all go good.

Alex

[thinks] Okay.

Alex

Sorry couch and t.v., you're gonna have to get along without me! Yay!

(smiles and leaves)

Alex

Life is so good! (to Harper) I'm going to the dance with George!

(jumping up and down) Yay!

Alex

(to Stevie) We need to do something about this music (looks at Harper) then her.

Harper

(dancing)

Harper

[bends to the ground] But that was Jeremy from science! He was going to ask me out.

Alex

Harper.

Harper

[turns to Alex] And now we will never know.

Justin

I gotta use magic. [transforms into Alex] Okay I'll just pretend I'm Alex and convince Harper to help me with the float. No, I can't do it. It's just not me. [transforms back into himself and groans] But I do need to finish the float. [scratches his back with his wand] Ahh, ooh! [transforms to Alex] But it's a selfish use of magic and that's wrong. [transforms back to himself] But it would allow Harper to be with her friend, which would be nice. [transforms to Alex] No I can't do it! [transforms back] But I have to! [transforms into Alex] But I can't!

Harper

[walks out] Alex?

Uh oh. [drops his wand]

Harper

Oh my gosh! You came back to be with me.

[high pitched] Yes I'm....[clears voice] Yes I'm-I'm Alex and I came back to work on the float with you, and also to tell you how much you mean to me.

Harper

Aw, you never said that to me before. Thanks.

Well, you're welcome.

Harper

You never said that to me or to anyone. You must be really making an effort here. [grabs a mallet]

Wow, she sure has set the bar low for herself.

Harper

Why are you wearing Justin's clothes?

Oh. Be-because I stole them from Justin. Because I'm a dirty, lying thief.

Harper

[rubs Justin's head and smiles] I know you are.

Alex

You're not my friend Harper.

Harper

What?

Alex

Stevie's my friend. You're my sister.

Harper

(smiles)

Alex

(hugs Harper) I love you.

Harper

I love you too.

Alex

Okay. (crawl over the window)

Harper

Wait, what are you doing?

Alex

Well I'm not going to let you stay here alone.

Harper

But what if you get in trouble?

Alex

For what, sneaking into detention? Yeah I would love to see how that works.

Harper

I guess if you get into trouble you're already here so... Hey your boots match the detention chair.

Alex

Yeah, there use to be two chairs. (sits on the detention chair the same time as Harper)