Jerry Russo quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Jerry

Ooh! A catwalk! [Walks on it like a model]

Jerry

WOULD IT HURT TO GET US A LITTLE TURKEY JERKY?!?

Jerry

(Alex admits she used the portal key, stammering) AHH! THE...PORTAL...G...G...[SCREAMS]

Jerry

Oh, I love porcini mushrooms.

Jerry

Oh, Okay .. Well then D Battery Guy does. [Wears a purse]

Jerry

You're dating the competition? How could you do this to us?

Jerry

Justin, you've got to stop buying me those parenting books. I'm not going to read them!

Jerry

I know how much is in the register! AND I EXPECT IT TO BE THERE WHEN I GET BACK!

Justin

Edgebonoutoosis! [He clones the rabbit]

Jerry

Good! Thank you Justin! That is how you execute the duplication spell properly. Real rabbit, duplica... duplicate rabbit real rab.. It's... ANYWAYS, there's two now!

Max

What's the big deal? They're rabbits. Wait 5 minutes and they'll duplicate by themselves.

Alex

So what you are saying is that getting back at Gigi was really hurting myself?

Jerry

No, but I like that better.

Alex

Well, since I figured that one out, I should pick my own punishment?

Jerry

No. Why don't you take my punishment, and duplicate it? You're grounded for 1 week.

Alex

Does that mean 2 weeks?!

Jerry

Oh, now it's four. I love this game!

Max

What's Deja Vu?

Jerry

It's when you feel like something happened before.

Alex

For example, dad you have five dollars?

Jerry

umm.. Why?

Alex

Cause I need five dollars.. Deja Vu, huh Justin?

Jerry

[Throwing a tantrum, the spell broken] It's! Gah! Mars! Who- !? ALEX!!?

Alex

Maybe it's not so ridiculous!

Max

Not to mention she left me on Mars.

Alex

H-He's right, it's completely my fault.

Jerry

You are in SO MUCH trouble, young lady!

Alex

...I know. (she hugs him, and he points his finger up speechlessly)

Theresa

Oh Maxy, promise you'll never grow up and leave me!

Max

But I'm supposed to be taking out the trash.

Theresa

Oh, no. Your daddy will take out the trash.

Max

Thank you, daddy.

Jerry

Save it.

Jerry

Alex, lets give it a try. Now, lets say you havent eaten for days and You're in desperate need for a sandwich. What do you do?

Alex

I walk over to the sandwich shop and have Mom make me a sandwich.

Jerry

Okay, yes, but Mom's not here.

Justin

Where's Mom?

Jerry

It's not important where she is, umm, she's gone, she left the country.

Justin

She left the country? Why, is she ok?

Jerry

Yes, she's fine.

Alex

Well if she's fine, I don't see why she can't make me a sandwich.

Jerry

Here, I've already written one down for you, just read that and concentrate.

Max

Satisfy my empty belly, make me a peanut butter and jelly. [Max turns into a PBJ sandwich]

Jerry

You see what I just did there? I just illustrated the dangers of "Spell Improv". [Justin is about to eat Max] Ha-di-di-da! You have to use your words very carefully because in the Wizard World they take you literally. So, when Max said "Make me a peanut butter and jelly," they made him a peanut butter and jelly. [Justin begins to open Max and throws him back onto the couch] Yhoy!

Alex

Oh, I get it! Let me try it. Although I love such tasty snacks, I'd rather have my brother Max. [Max turns back into a human]

Justin

Hello!

Max

[To Justin] Hey, thanks for not eating me.

Jerry

Alex, you're a natural.

Alex

Thanks, that wasn't even true!