Wait, wait, wait! We've heard two different stories here.
HarperWell, maybe Warren is lying. Let's see if he can stand up to one of my uncomfortable stares.
[Harper stares and Warren faints]
Harper
Yep, he's a liar.
Quick! Quick! He fainted. Someone give me a pen. I love drawing mustaches on people who can't stop me!
Uh, now it makes sense, he won and a disgruntled family member is trying to wreck it for him. I've seen my future in the present.
Stevie is my friend. I'm sure she's got a reasonable explanation for what's going on.
[Justin scoffs]
Everyone is innocent until proven guilty.
C'mon Harper, let's go find Stevie. [starts to walk away with Harper]
I bet you he has a pen on him! [searches Warren]
[goes back to Alex and drags her away] Alex, stop that! It looks illegal.
Thank you for making the cake Harper, it's beautiful, and it looks delicious.
Harper
Oh, no, ohhh, we don't eat it. The Finkle tradition is that you make a cake from scratch and the you use rolling pins to smash it together as a family. It's the one time of year we let out our frustrations.
Are you really going to make Max that stupid backpack shirt?
Harper
No! A backpack shirt would be embarrassing.
Harper
Oh don't start with me! Look I just wanted to get you into the lair. I can't stand to see Justin like this.
Well I can't stand to see Justin hardly at all, but I've gotten used to it and so should you because Juliet is not coming back.
Harper
Or is she?
No, she's not! Didn't you see her hobble off into the woods? I think Mason ate her.
Harper
Alright here's a thought. Justin needs to move on and if he can't hear it from us, maybe he needs to hear it from Juliet.
But he already did hear it from her. The old lady version of her.
Harper
Yeah but come on, who listens to old people? What if you made me look like Juliet and she told him?
Harper that doesn't sound like you want to help Justin, it sounds like you want to date him.
Harper
Oh that's not it. Why is it so hard to get you Russos to do something nice for each other?
Because when you help someone your guard is down and that's when another Russo will come right behind you and trip you!
Harper
(gives Alex a look)
Okay! Fine! I'll do it! But only because you're doing all the work. I'm just waving a wand. (waves her wand) Transfix, transpose. Make Harper look like Juliet from head to toe. (casts the spell and has a shocked look on her face)
Harper
(transforms into old Juliet) Eh? How do I look?
(lying) Great! You look great! (serious) Umm...this is a lot more work than I thought. Okay alright. (waves her wand) Transfix, transpose. Make Harper look like young Juliet including the clothes.
Harper
(transforms to young Juliet)
There you go. (throws her wand to the sofa)
Harper
Testing, testing. Ooh! I even have Juliet's voice! I pale in comparison to Harper Finkle. I've always wanted to hear her say that!
Okay now go walk around Waverly Place until you bump into Justin.
Harper
And I'll tell him to just move on from Juliet. We'll have a moment but that will be it. Oh, what should we do about the backpack shirt for Max?
I'll-I'll throw something together.
Harper
Just make sure it's not shoddy workmanship. It's Harper who's making that.
Harper
(leaves)
Harper
(voice over) When Alex turned me into Juliet I had good intentions. But then you started asking those questions and I panicked.
(to Max) Max, did you see Juliet go by?
Harper
(comes out from hiding)
Harper
(goes to Alex)
What are you doing?! You're supposed to be with Justin.
Harper
I panicked.
Harper
(to Max) So, how'd it go?
Pretty good. I ate squirrel, made some new enemies...it was a regular day.
Harper
(to Justin) So, how'd it go? (Justin ignores her) (to Alex) How'd it go? Was it Mason?
Yes. It was him. But he's being held by some country wizards who grow corn by their beds and have a son with one shoe!
Harper
Oh, good, I thought you were going to say something crazy!
(after Mason turns back into human) Did you guys see that? DID YOU SEE THAT! He was all 'hello love' blahblaeghblaheghblah! WHAT IS GOING ON?!
Uh, well I totally understand the confusion with the blahhehhblah uh, i got-Max?
Oh, now you want my help?
Would someone please tell me what is going on, because I just saw your pet sled dog from Greenland, who lives in a veggie cooler, turn into a HALF-HUMAN HALF-BEAR HAIRY CREATURE THING!! WHAT IS GOING ON?!! I DESERVE SOME ANSWERS!!
Harper
(kisses him and he faints)
Harper
Somebody took the Russo's! I think they're from the government.
Oh my. I'll get Professor Crumbs. He'll know what to do! (thinks for a minute) Well, he might not, but at least I'll look like a hero for notifying him!
Harper
Wha-Wait! What should I do while you're gone?
Just stay here. That's what heroes say. I'll be back in a jiffy. [walks into the portal]
Harper
[once Mason is gone] What kind of hero says 'jiffy'?
[on Mason's back and jumps off] Whew, we're back. Hm, long walk!
[breathing heavily] Yep! For some of us it was!
Excuse me! My arms are tired from hanging on and trying to steer. Your ears are really tiny but really cute. [smiles]
[smiles and rubs his ear]
While we were stuck in that government facility I was afraid I would never see Waverly Place again. I missed you. [kisses the ground] There was definitely a horse parade here recently.
[exhausted] I must have lost thirty pounds on that walk. Do you know how long it's going to take me to gain them back?
Why is the Sub Station all boarded up?
Oh gosh. I gotta get in there! I wanna take a bath without someone yelling at me, "Hey lady, get out of my pool!" [bangs on the door]
Harper
Go away government agents! I have a soda gun and its loaded with root beer!
Harper, it's us! We escaped from the government guys!
Harper
I'm not falling for that! The real Russos are too lame to escape from anywhere.
Harper!!! [bangs on the door] Open up!! We'd flash in there but we don't have our powers. We only got back by hitching rides, taking buses, and a lot of walking.
[whips his head to her] YOU DIDN'T WALK AT ALL!!! YOU HAD ME CARRY YOU LIKE A CAMEL!!! [smiles] Love.
Harper
Too lazy to walk? Oh Alex it really is you! All right, hold on. I'll let you in. I just have to dismantle a bunch of booby traps I set up to protect myself.
Harper
Hi guys.
[walks into the Sub Station] It's so good to be home! [gets hit by one of the traps] AH! [falls down and is unconscious]
Harper
Oops. I forgot to get rid of that one.
Wizards of Waverly Place · 311 quotes
