Alex Russo quotes from Wizards of Waverly Place

Theresa

Let's find Alex and get out of here.

Jerry

Right, and before she figures out that there's a school on board.

Alex

Did you guys know that there's a school on board?

Justin

Okay, Alex. I got exactly what I wanted: a date with London Tipton.

Alex

Great!

Justin

Not great. I lied to get her.

Alex

Still great!

Justin

No. I got exactly what I wanted and now it's all terrible because she's not so smart.

Alex

What do you mean?

Justin

Max thinks she's dumb.

Alex

Oh, you gotta dump her.

Oh my gosh! Bailey?! She's choking! She's choking! Dr. Fossil, help her! You're a doctor!

Justin

I don't know how to save her!

What kind of doctor doesn't know how to save a person's life?!

Justin

Look, I was going to tell you-

Tell me what? That you're not a very smart doctor?!

Alex

Bailey! (gives Bailey abdominal thrusts and Bailey stops choking) Bailey, are you okay?

Yes, thank you! (hugs Alex)

You just saved her life. What's your name again?

Alex

Ashley Simpson!

Alex

Well, at least I had fun in the sun before I got stuck in that class.

Harper

At least I got to go on a cruise I had no business on.

Alex

(smiles) I'll see you back home. (casts a spell) From east to west, this spell's no jest, wherever we roam, send Harper back home. (Harper disappears) Wait, did I say roam or home first? Eh, she'll like Rome.

Justin

I used magic to add 5 extra minutes to my break schedule. So now when I take my break, it'll be for 25 minutes at a time.

Alex

(Stares at him in disbelief, then shakes her head.) You used MAGIC to do this? (Wipes off a "0" on the white board and writes a "5".) Ugh, Justin! You could have used magic to, I don't know, stop time, freeze Mom and Dad so they couldn't find you, create an alternate universe where you and Juliet could date for like a year but it would only be one minute of our time. Something big and magical!

Justin

I also used it to grow 2 inches.

Alex

You are a WizIDIOT!

Alex

(about Juliet's parents' plans to suck her and Harper's blood) Wait a minute, so you were planning this the whole time? Unbelievable! Well! Maybe this goes without saying, but I quit!

Harper

(to Alex) I kinda need the job, so I'm going to take my chances.

Jerry

Not until you apologize for almost biting my daughter's neck and turning her into a vampire for all of eternity!

Alright, alright, we're sorry! Why don't we smooth it over with a little bit of ice cream?

Jerry

Really? You're about to turn our daughter into a vampire, and you think you can just "smooth it over" with some ice cream?

So you don't want the ice cream?

Jerry

No, we want the ice cream.

Theresa

Jerry!

Jerry

Um...and I think we need more of an apology.

Unlimited toppings?

Jerry

I accept your apology. I'll take mine in a cup.

Alex

Dad! They were just about to eat our blood!

Jerry

That's right! This is unacceptable! Harper was going to be the one to take care of us in our old age!

Harper

(quietly) Yes!

Alright! I'll make dinner, too! Who's up for some really rare steaks?

Alex

No, I know you can sing. I'm just saying, do you really want to do it in front of all of those people? Staring right up at you? Waving their cellphones, taking your picture? Putting it on the internet for people to see over and over and over again, so people can watch it for years and years and years?

Justin

No, it's gonna-it's gonna be great. Because after that, I'm going to ask her to go steady with me.

Alex

(scoffs) Go steady? Whose prom are you going to, grandpa's?

Max

It feels good to be appreciated.

Alex

Yeah, don't get use to it.

Alex

So that's where the fliers went.

Max

Yes! Zombies are coming man! Don't worry, I already locked the doors. Nobody can get in, and we can't get out.

(mad at Max for being an idiot) Did you at least find the No Fear Ring? I could really use it right now.

Alex

Harper has it. That's why she's standing up to the zombies.

Alex

(making a prank call) Excuse me but is your refrigerator running?

Alex, I know it's you. I can see Kelbo's wand number on my caller ID.

Alex

Guys, she's on to us!

Justin

We forgot to dial pound, horse, unicorn!

Alex

What do we do?!

Uncle Kelbo

What we always do! Run! (pushes Max and Justin and runs)

Max

Frankenstein Vs. Snakes 3D is the best monsters versus snakes movie ever!

Alex

I think it's the best movie ever because we stole out of Justin's room.

Alex

(singing) I am singing this whole song to learn a spell.

Harper

Learn a spell.

Alex

This is the thing that Justin does so well.

Harper

Does so well.

Alex

When I'm in a jam and need to scram I cast a spell called Jackie Chan I'm singing this whole song and I learn spells. When I need something that's far away I cast a spell called (pauses and reads) "Grow legs and come my way."

Harper

It comes in handy if your lazy. Which you are and sometimes being your best friend you don't even care or thank me for the things like-

Alex

Harper!

Harper

(stops singing)

Alex

Is everything okay?

Harper

You mean because it didn't rhyme? I'll work on that.

Alex

I can't believe you would do something this stupid.

Max

Alex, I think we all believe I can do something this stupid.

Juliet

(licking a red substance that looks like blood from her hand)

Alex

Oh my gosh, she did it.

Harper

(gets a empty doughnut) The vampire took all of the jelly out of this doughnut!

Alex

And no weight gain because you're dead!

Harper

The jelly does kinda of look like blood.

Juliet

Yeah, that's why vampires carry jelly doughnuts.

Alex

(laughs) You're awesome.

Juliet

I know.

Alex

And I don't say that to any of my brother's girlfriends because they're all monsters. I mean there was a centaur, a werewolf.

Juliet

Well I'm a vampire.

Alex

Yeah but you have normal feet.

Juliet

That's true.

Alex

Okay, I have to ask you something. Why would somebody cool as you would be dating my brother?

Juliet

Well I find that if you're a little cooler than your boyfriend, he'll never dump you!

Ohhhh!

Harper

Okay, now I gotta ask you something. When you turn into a bat where do your clothes go?

Juliet

Well you're not really thinking about that when you're going (waves her arms) WHOOO! WHOO! WHOO!