Oh my God, you scared me! I thought someone was robbing the place!
I'm not robbing the place, I'm just rifling through drawers looking for money.
S9 E14The Beefcake and the Cake Beef
Why are the hot ones always gay or Nazis?
S9 E15One Job
We are going to Schenectady.
Schenectady? But that's where your family lives.
We are going there to celebrate my mom's birthday. It was her dying wish.
I thought her dying wish was for you to get breast implants.
She had a lot of dying wishes.
My dad always wanted me to watch golf with him.
MMartin
Really? What's your handicap?
That I hate golf.
S9 E16It's A Family Affair
[after a family dinner party has gone badly]
I'd like to thank you again for inviting my dad.
My pleasure. And thank you for inviting my mom.
Yeah. I thought when I did it, "Oh, that'll show him!" I forgot that I live here too.
Estefan, this is Will and Grace. Will, Grace, Estefan.
[looking at Grace] Oh, this is Will! Look at him, with his square jaw and wild mane of red hair!
What? No! I'm not Will! I'm obviously a woman!
Maybe you are not the one to say what is obvious.
He's got you there, Grace.
S10 E1The West Side Curmudgeon
Hi, I'm Grace Adler. I live in the building, and I'm running for president of the New York Society of Interior Designers. I actually designed this lobby. What's your name again?
TMrs. Timmer
Sharon Timmer. I've lived directly below you for 19 years. Could you move? I wanna get my mail.
Why'd you let me talk for so long?
Hi, Mrs. Timmer.
TMrs. Timmer
Your wife is yappy and rude.
That's why we never have sex.
Karen, you're a gorgeous woman, and as long as that contract you signed in blood holds up, you'll be gorgeous for eternity.
If you can't trust Satan, who can you trust?
S10 E2Where in the World Is Karen Walker?
Do you think Karen's all right?
Well, we know she's not dead, because I'd get an alert on my phone about her last wishes. I'm supposed to delete her porn and set your closet on fire.
Marriage is a series of moments. Waking up in the morning. Smiling at each other over the kitchen table. Hiding jewelry together and blaming the maid. Then firing her and watching her cry as she packs her one tattered suitcase into the back of a cab. You know - couple stuff.
S10 E3Tex and the City
You've never felt too gross for sex?
NNoah
Never. Not once. Not even the day I got hit by a cab.
What are you in for?
BBlanca
I tried to climb your precious wall.
Well, maybe you should do what other immigrants do to try to get in legally, like, I don't know, be white, or look white, or marry the president.
S10 E4Who's Sorry Now?
Rosario gave me that perfume. She said it would bring true love into my life. Her exact words were, "This will cover up the stink of the alcohol, and then maybe you can trick a man into tolerating you."
[to Karen] Ye of big boobs and little faith.
S10 E5Grace's Secret
Will, you gotta help me. My dad's on the way up, and he wants me to drive to Schenectady with him.
Oh, that's nice.
You know that's not "nice". Don't be that guy.
Oh, how awful.
Awful? He's my father!
Why don't you text me what you want me to say, and I'll read it back.
[Grace sends Will a text and he reads it]
Wow. If I could do that to myself, I could delete my Grindr account.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Will & Grace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.