TV show quotes
[knocks on the washing machine door glass] Where are the fish?
No, Karen. It is a laundromat. People come here to clean their clothes. Then they reuse them.
Why, poor people are just plain clever. I wonder, why they can't figure out a way to make more money?
So I had this apartment to myself for 10 years because I was having an affair with my boss and he paid half the rent so he'd have some place nice to do it. But then he got murdered and I couldn't really afford it on my own. So what's your story?
Since my marriage ended I've been living at The Palace, and even though I've made a lot of swell friends... it's lonely. [she tries to pour a soda into a glass without opening it] I want a real home, with real people. I mean you're real, right?
[opens and pours the soda as Karen looks in awe] Super real. So, okay, true or false? I'm easy to live with.
Um, true.
False! I'm a nitpicker supreme. I think it comes from all my years as a professional in the music biz.
You're in music?
I didn't want to put it on the ad because you get all these wannabees knocking on the door. I'm an office manager for the company that does those collections that you see on TV. You know "Hits of the 80's", "Ladies of the 80's", "Rock Ballad's of the 80's"... [pause] "The 90's"...
Well I can see why you'd want to keep that a secret Liz. I mean you must really never know if people are liking you for you or the 80's hits.
You should know that I like things done a certain way; just ask Melissa and Keith. They work under me. Like if they're 5 minutes late for work, I look at my watch, I look at them and they just get it. Oh my God I totally just bragged. Please tell me to shut up... cut to me still talking about myself.
Um, Liz, I know we haven't known each other very long but I think that you might be just about the most interesting person I've ever met... I could learn tons from you.
Okay, okay, true or false... I think you're great?
Um, false.
True!
Oh, this game is so hard!
I'll get a new lawyer. A better lawyer. A gayer lawyer!
Well, good luck finding that.
I'm leaving. It looks like I'm the only one around here with any dignity!
Is that my watch?
I'm not going to dignify that with a response!
Gosh, Grace, it was so sweet of you to cook Will and Karen dinner.
Well, you know, I just figured after a long day at the divorce hearing, it would be nice to come back to a home-cooked meal.
You're so generous. I swear, if you weren't Jewish, you'd definitely go to heaven.
Thanks Jack. And if you weren't gay, you'd go there, too.
[whispering] Pssst. I'd like you to have all your things out by tomorrow morning, all right?
[whispering] Oh, okay. Oh, pssst. I'd like you to eat me.
[Grace is torn between going on a luxurious vacation with Karen and going on a grueling Doctors Without Borders assignment with Leo]
Why don't you go? I love you, but let's face it: The idea of you doing something selfless is a joke.
I love that you get me!
[Karen's elderly, nearsighted driver is steering the ship]
That's the captain? That's your limo driver!
Drive a car, drive a boat, drive a plane...As long as I'm drunk, what's the difference?
...but when we get to Saint Bart's I swear I'm taking an EPT, and if it's blue I am not going through this alone!... again![1]
Well, this is just great. When we get to Saint Bart's I am buying myself an EPT, and if that stick is blue, I am not going through this alone! Not again!
[Grace finds a steamy letter that Leo's colleague wrote him; Will and Jack are trying to calm her down]
You're keyed up over nothing. It's just a letter.
[nods] It's just a letter. He's not going to respond to that. I myself have written him several letters, all unspeakably filthy, and all I got was a wink and a smile.
[Diane, who has slept with both Will and Leo, says that will was better in bed]
What do you mean, Will was better? He couldn't find a g-spot with Yahoo! Maps.
YAHOOOO!
I like you. Wanna make out?
I like you too, lets see where the evening goes...
So, you and Will...
Yep, me and Will...
And, uh, me and you...
Yep, me and you...and maybe later me and Karen!
I hate Leo. Yeah.
What?
Yep. Hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. He's dull, he's ugly and he don't make me laugh.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Will & Grace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
