Jack McFarland quotes from Will & Grace

Jack

[to Skip] This place can't fix you, because you aren't broken.

Jack

Mother always said the best way to get over one guy is to get under, behind and sideways with another one.

Jack

[to Karen] Ye of big boobs and little faith.

Jack

If you'd have told me 20 years ago that I'd be getting married, I'd have so many questions. Like, "Are gays allowed to get married?" or "Can gays serve in the military?" And, "Why would we want either of those things?"

Jack

Ugh, I can't believe how full I am. This food baby's daddy better make an honest woman out of me.

Jack

My dream of taking a bow on a Broadway stage is only a car accident, a death in the family, and a respiratory infection away from coming true!

Jack

FYI, folks, most people that meet me do not know that I am gay.

Will

Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay.

Jack

So I've decided to take my career in a whole new direction.

Will

Forward?

Will

What are you talking about? You're not a performer.

Jack

I am now. Me, a piano and a spotlight. I'm calling it "Just Jack." Here's my flyer. "Just Jack." One night only. "Just Jack."

Will

Why one night? Oh, it's open mic night.

Jack

Bring Grace...or a date. Ha ha, I'm just kidding.

Will

[reads flyer] "A roller-coaster ride of emotions." Who said that?

Jack

A critic...OK, my shrink.

Karen

Honey, I can't go. I have a home, a husband and three beautiful stepchil -- No, wait. Two. Two beautiful stepchildren. Sorry. Yeah. Olivia and...

Jack

Mason?

Karen

Honey, I was getting there.

Jack

Well, look at you. You're like an icon to gay men.

Karen

Oh!

Jack

You've got the sass, the class, the ass.

Karen

Ooh, I want a drag name!

It's simple, sugar. You take the name of your first pet, and the street you grew up on.

Karen

Shu—Shu Fontana! Jack, what would yours be?

Jack

Glen 125th.

Grace

What could it be, that he didn't tell you and he didn't tell me? It must be something he didn't want us to to know!

Jack

Good work, Nancy Drew! Let's meet up at Old Mystery Creek!

Will

First of all they'll give you a payment plan, which you won't follow. Then they'll garnish your wages, which you don't have. Then they'll take away everything you own... which would be your gym membership. Then... finally, they will put you in jail.

Jack

No, no, no. They can't put me in jail, 'cause since I never started paying my taxes, I can continue not paying them. I saw that on television.

Will

On what? The Delusional Channel?

Jack

I finally found my life's calling, and it involves these two hands.

Will

Ah. So you're going to be self-employed.

Jack

Insert laugh... here. I'm going to be a massage therapist. It was an obvious choice, being that I am a people person. I love people... as long as they're not hairy... or smelly... or have the dreaded bacne, ugh. Okay, I need some guinea pigs. Who's interested?

Will

Smelly.

Grace

Hairy.

Jack

Thank you, friends.

Karen

Bacne. Oh, who am I kidding? It's alabaster from my neck to my ass. I just don't want to do it.