Jack McFarland quotes from Will & Grace

Grace

Oh, Will, Ben is so adorable. I can't wait to meet him.

Jack

He's clearly Will's child: Fat, bald, and clinging to Vince like it's the only man who'll ever love him.

Jack

And may I say, your knockers look especially full tonight.

Karen

Thank you. And may I say, you have the balls of a 30-year-old.

Karen

You're not still living together, are you?

Will

No! Well, she's living here right now...

Grace

Staying here. For just a couple of weeks until the dust settles.

Jack

On your genitals?

Grace

On my divorce.

Jack

Because of your genitals?

Jack

I don’t work today! It’s so expected. You’re my lawyer - get me out of this.

Will

In the case of McFarland v. Reality, the Supreme Court ruled: Grow Up.

Jack

You know what hurts more than the money? Although, make no mistake, the money hurt a great deal! I thought you were a good person!

Well, that's entirely on you, because I have given you absolutely no reason to think well of me.

Will

I am done with Christmas! Who feels like celebrating anyway, with all the crap going on nowadays?

Jack

I don't understand you, Will. This is the one time a year when fat people are supposed to be jolly.

Will

It's not going to snow. There's no such thing as miracles. Christmas is for spoiled rich kids. And Santa is just another old white perv we once trusted.

Jack

Don't mind me, I just need to get a few things. I'm entertaining a gaggle of gays across the hall.

Will

I believe the correct term is "a giggle of gays".

Jack

Ah, she stands corrected. Grace, where's your shame pizza?

Grace

I do not have...

Jack

Grace...

Grace

Vegetable drawer.

Jack

[examining the pizza] This is a pepperoni pizza, but there's no pepperoni, just crop circles of cheese...

Grace

IT CAME THAT WAY!

Jack

Thanks for lending me your car, Karen. It's so fancy! What kind is it?

Karen

A black one. Oops, I mean an "African-AmeriCar". Better watch out for the PC police. Now, take me to Jew-dorf Goodman, you big, mincing butt pirate!

If I'm gay, isn't coming out of the closet a good thing?

Jack

It was once. But you know how people thought eggs were good for you, but then we discovered they weren't?

But eggs are good for you.

Jack

Tell that to the chicken who just lost a child.

Karen

[on the phone] One pound of proscuitto, one pound of mortadella, five kinds of cheese, from mild to stinky, big vat of coleslaw... [to Jack] Almost done.

Jack

Are you ordering a deli platter?

Karen

Having phone sex with Stan.

Grace

Oh my God, you scared me! I thought someone was robbing the place!

Jack

I'm not robbing the place, I'm just rifling through drawers looking for money.

Jack

Estefan, this is Will and Grace. Will, Grace, Estefan.

[looking at Grace] Oh, this is Will! Look at him, with his square jaw and wild mane of red hair!

Grace

What? No! I'm not Will! I'm obviously a woman!

Maybe you are not the one to say what is obvious.

Jack

He's got you there, Grace.

Grace

Do you think Karen's all right?

Jack

Well, we know she's not dead, because I'd get an alert on my phone about her last wishes. I'm supposed to delete her porn and set your closet on fire.

So the order is: Latinos have it worst, then Black men, then gay guys.

Oh, no no no. You have to put Muslims on the top of that list. Try being me and getting on a plane.

Try being me and getting a taxi.

Try being me and getting back into the country!

Jack

Try being me and having to claim Kevin Spacey as one of your own.

Well, he was good in The Usual Suspects.

Jack

Would you want him to be Black?

[pause] OK, I see your point.

Jack

William Elizabeth Truman. You put our friendship over having a one night stand with a hot guy who's on TV every night.

Will

[smiles] Yeah, I guess I did.

Jack

You dumb bitch.