Jack McFarland quotes from Will & Grace

Karen

Jackie, you've been out here for so long. You must be freezing! Here, I brought you some soup.

Jack

This is gin.

Karen

It has noodles in it.

Jack

I was just having an executive's meeting at OutTV, and I had a huge realization.

Will

That, six months ago, all of you were cater waiters?

Karen

That, six months from now, all of you will be cater waiters?

Jack

Will, you're mean. Karen, you're hilarious.

Will

It's hard to believe that this is an up-and-coming gay spot.

Jack

Are you kidding? This place is so gay the state bird is a condom.

Karen

Honey, I have connections. I can get him a part.

Jack

Fantastic! But wait - if you have connections, why have you never gotten me a part?

Karen

Honey, I said I had connections, not superpowers.

Malcolm

Jack, I know two ways to get a guy to call me "friend". One is to attach a car battery to his nipples, and the other is to buy him a fine Italian suit.

Jack

Do I have to choose?

Jack

The ratings for "Jack Talk" came in. We got a 17 rating and a 10 share.

Grace

Wow.

Will

In this case, that means 17 people watched, and 10 of them were dressed as Cher.

Jack

[to Will] I can't wait to meet your gay nephew.

Grace

You guys think everyone is gay. Jordy's only nine. It's no big deal that he went as Wonder Woman on Halloween.

Will

He didn't go as Wonder Woman, Grace. He went as Lynda Carter.

Grace

You know what I hear when you talk? "Duh Duh Blah Blah Blah"!

Jack

You know what I see when you talk? William Hurt in a wig!

Jack

If you were worried we'd cancel our dinner, why didn't you just say so?

Karen

Well, I'm a proud woman, Jackie. It's not easy for me to talk about my feelings. Plus, I'm high most of the time, so there's that.

Jack

Thanks a lot, Karen! I took your advice and tried to be a father to Elliot, and we got into a fight! He said I wasn't his real father and he stormed off!

Karen

Oh, honey, he didn't mean it. Mason and Olivia say horrible things about me...and sometimes to the police!

Jack

Hey, what's in the bag, fag?

Will

Oh. Muffins from James. Do you think it's weird that he got them by cutting in line and then lying about needing them for his dying mother?

Karen

No, not at all, honey. I mean, that's the same way we used to get bread and juice during the Great Depre...Eighties.

Will

[of a man who rejected Jack] The only reason you're in different leagues is because he's a creep. You're way above him. You're in a league of your own.

Jack

I love that movie. It took place in such an innocent time...when Madonna was still relevant and Rosie was still funny.

Jack! You are making a huge mistake. If you want to get to the top, you gotta compromise, like me.

Jack

What are you compromising?

Okay. [looks around, and whispers to Jack] I'm-a let you in on a little secret. I'm not who you think I am. My real name is Peg, and I'm a hardcore lesbian. I'm into leather play, butch Black girls, skunkin', pulling the blinds, and poodle-ballin'. Whatever you got, I'll eat it, snort it, or ride it, baby! Look, go along with this and it'll work for you. Look at me. I clear $165 a week. I moved out of my storage unit. I'm on TV! I'm the freakin' dream!

Jack

Wow, this baby name book is really great. Ooh, here's a pretty one: Clitorissa.

Will

That's Clarissa!

Jack

Oh, well, that's just gross.

Karen

Hey, Jackie.

Jack

Hey, Kare. What's the story, drunken whorey?

Karen

Well, we need to do something to get Will and Grace back together. Honey, it's been almost two years.

Jack

Well, why does it always fall on us to help those two?

Karen

I know, poodle. Ya know, sometimes it seems like our sole purpose in life is just to serve Will and Grace.

Jack

Right! It's like all people see when they look at us are the supporting players on the Will and Grace Show!

Karen

Though, to be fair, we couldn't have our own show. We're good for poops and giggles, but it'd get silly after awhile.