Will Truman quotes from Will & Grace

Will

Jack has the most finely tuned gaydar in the Tri-State area. He can name a gay guy in one note.

Jack

Ah yes. Many have sought my counsel on this subject. They say that Jack is a wise man, Jack is a dangerous man, Jack is a great man. No - Jack is just a man. A man who knows men who like men.

Jack

What are you so afraid of, that everyone's gonna find out you're gay? They don't all know yet, do they?

Will

I don't know. Some do, some don't. I don't exactly put it on my business card - "Will Truman, gay, member since 1982".

Jack

'82? Try '78, Mr. "One Time at Sleepaway Camp Doesn't Count".

Jack

Sufferin' Sappho!

Will

You know, it's sad...an image like this is completely wasted on us.

Grace

What do you think of this outfit?

Will

It's fine.

Grace

Fine means crap.

Will

It's good.

Grace

Good means fine.

Will

Well, if fine means crap and good means fine, doesn't that mean that good means crap?

Be careful, Will Truman. You wouldn't want to upset me and force me to rethink Grace Adler.

Will

Are you kidding me with this stuff? No one actually says that unless they're twirling a mustache and tying Lillian Gish to the train tracks!

What's up, dude? Still gay?

Will

Yeah. The antibiotics didn't take.

Will

Wanna see what it's like to kiss a guy under one of these things?

Will

I don't think we should live together anymore.

Grace

The kiss wasn't that bad, Will. [pause] I don't think we should live together anymore, either.

Will

When you moved in, it was so we could heal and move on.

Grace

I know. I don't feel like I've moved on. Have you moved on?

Will

I'm standing here making out with a girl. That's the international symbol for not moving on.

Will

I got a call from my friend at the I.N.S. yesterday, and apparently the marriage between a 30-year-old gay man and a postmenopausal Salvadoran maid flagged something in their computer.

Karen

Okay, are we done yet?

Will

No. Look, they're gonna start making random visits to verify that Jack and Rosario are a real married couple. So since their official residence is listed as your place, I think the best thing would be for Jack to move into your penthouse.

Jack

I just adore a penthouse view! Ooh, my very own sexless marriage. Just like Will and Grace.

Will

No, not like Will and Grace. We don't even live together any more. She's got her own apartment.

Jack

Eight dysfunctional feet away.

Karen

Lord, they're like Siamese twins who are joined at their boring personalities.

Will

I think you've sprung a leak.

Grace

What're you talking about?

Will

I haven't been with a woman in some time, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to do that.

Jack

Commandment number one in the gay bible: Thou shalt not covet my ex's ass!

Will

Is that from the Book of Genesissy?

Grace

Ow! You crushed my nose. [exits]

Jack

Sorry! If it's broken, we'll get it fixed. [to Will] For the second time.

Grace

[sticking her head through the window] I heard that, you bitch. And this nose has never been touched.

Jack

I'm sorry, ma'am, you can pick up your fries at the next window. [to Will] Guess what? I've been promoted to captain at my catering company, and tonight I'm supervising an event at the Waldorf-Astoria. I will have eight men under me. How great is that?

Will

Eight men? What'd you do, write the Gay Make A Wish Foundation?

Jack

You couldn't do my job for one night. I challenge you!

Will

Okay, I'll do it.

Jack

Ha! I knew you wouldn't do it because you are scared.

Will

I agreed.

Jack

What just happened?

Ben

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that you two are more than friends, but less than lovers. You're gay, and she's straight.

Will

That's impressive. Now if you can guess my weight, you'll win a t-shirt saying, "That's really none of your business!"

Grace

The only reason you were offered a job, is so that he can slither out of the lawsuit.

Will

Of course. That ruthless bastard offered me a five-year contract, paid vacation, a huge signing bonus, all to make a dispute over slipcovers go away. How could I have been so blind?

Grace

Why do your people always go to sarcasm first?

Will

Holy hangover, Batgirl. How fun was last night?

Grace

So fun. Naomi and Kai know all the best clubs.

Will

Yeah. Who'd have thought that after 2 a.m., Tiki Donuts becomes a Latino drag queen bar?

Grace

I forget... Is "chocolate éclair" the name of a donut or one of the performers?

Will

Why are you screaming at me? Yech. [puts his head in the sink under running water]

Grace

[looking down her shirt] Oh, my God. When did I get my nipple pierced?

Will

[looking down Grace's shirt] That's your earring.

Grace

[Pulling ring out] Not right. So what time are we hooking up with them tonight?

Will

Midnight. It's gonna be wild.

Grace

This whole week has been wild.

Will

I know. They're crazy.

Grace

They're fantastic.

Will

I hate them.

Grace

Me, too.