Grace Adler quotes from Will & Grace

Jack

That's it - I'm done with men! I'm into women now. C'mon, let's make hot, hetero love to each other. Take off your breasts and turn around.

Grace

Oh, if only that was the first time a guy had said that to me.

Grace

You know, the old Grace would have done this [smacks her hand onto Jack's forehead.] But now, I just have this new serenity thanks to Mr. Kabbalah.

Will

He's not a person! He's not like Mr. Peanut.

Jack

Uh, Mr. Peanut is not a person, Will.

Karen

He's a legume.

Grace

You and Vince are so lucky. You'll never know the pain of divorce.

Will

Well, that's because we're legally barred from the joy of marriage.

Will

[about Ned] What's wrong with being nice to him? He's our neighbor!

Grace

Will, follow the logic. First we're nice to him, then suddenly we're picking up his newspaper, then we're watering his plants. The next thing you know, there's a fire in the building and we're the ones who have to make sure he got out okay. I'd rather find out on the evening news, thank you.

Vince

I think I know what my boyfriend likes. We've been going out for six months.

Grace

I've known him for, like, 20 years. We've had phone calls that lasted six months.

Vince

I'm in a committed relationship with him.

Grace

So am I.

Vince

I've shaved his ears.

Grace

I've shaved his legs.

Vince

I've seen him naked.

Grace

I've seen him naked and crying.

Vince

Yeah, well, I've slept with him.

Grace

Look, if I hadn't turned him gay, we wouldn't be having this conversation, so I win.

Will

Oy, the gym is so far! It's such a schlep!

Grace

You go, goyim.

Will

I figured since you're practically a gay man, I should become a little Jewish.

Karen

Oh, so you get all slutted up for Will's guy, but you won't even give my guy a chance?

Grace

Your guy is not a guy. Your guy is Sharon, our mail carrier.

Karen

Nice, a snob and a homophobe!

Grace

I love the local news. So uplifting. Those two old farmers lost everything in the fire, and yet they still managed to persevere.

Will

Grace, you have to pay attention. The crystal meth lab in their barn exploded.

Grace

Still, we should send money.

Grace

Great. No sex, and now no turkey.

Karen

Well...either way, no stuffin' for you.

Grace

[about Sal] I am so into him.

Karen

Yeah, well I'm double into him.

Grace

Well I'm gonna ask him out.

Karen

I'm going to ask him to move in.

Grace

He gave me a hickey. [Points to her breast]

Karen

[Points to her belly] He gave me a child! I am pregnant, Grace!

Grace

No you're not. You can't get pregnant from kissing.

Karen

Oh thank God!

[On his cellphone] Hey, I just macked on two old ladies. [watching them look at him] I may need to borrow your dad's tool shed later.

Grace

They were nice enough people, but those goodbyes were weird. When I went to hug Vince's sister, she put her hands on my boobs. It was really uncomfortable.

Jack

You stood there for, like, 10 minutes. I had to pull you off her!

Grace

Yeah, well, we're guests. I didn't want to be rude.

Grace

She wants to study me. She thinks I'm interesting.

Will

You're not interesting! We passed, like, 20 of you on the way here!

Grace

Karen, what could you possibly see in Mr. Wolff? He's creepy and weird!

Karen

Honey, how could you say that? And after all the lovely things he said about you while he was watching you in his home office!

Will

I'm all about helping people. It's what I do.

Grace

You don't know what you do. You start this charity job today.

Will

That's right, and starting today this big blue marble is gonna be a better place.

Grace

Wow. If someone can figure out how to eat smug, you could feed the whole world.

Will

Look at this picture. If you look closely, I swear you can see Katie Holmes mouthing "help me!"

Grace

Please. She made her own twin beds.