Grace Adler quotes from Will & Grace

Jack

Hi, Grace. Who's your daddy?

Grace

[confused] Um...His name is Martin Adler.

Will

Yay, my dad's here!

Grace

Look at you, Mr. Happy Boots. I wish I got that excited about seeing my dad.

Will

Come on, your dad's great.

Grace

Yeah, in a parallel universe where my hair is straight and so are you.

Karen

[about Josh] He should be killed.

Grace

He happens to be the sweetest, most thoughtful, most sensitive guy I have ever gone out with. I think he's great.

Karen

He makes me wanna barf! I wanna kick him til he's dead, honey.

Karen

I know you're mad at me about what happened with Josh, but when you get down to it, aren't you mad at yourself for taking advice from someone who was half in the bag at the time?

Grace

So, really, I shouldn't be listening to you now.

Karen

Aw, honey...probably not.

Grace

When you and I broke up it was for different reasons. I wanted to raise the kids Jewish, you wanted to sleep with men...

Will

I really do enjoy that.

Grace

Isn't-- isn't there someone else who is a little more... experienced? Someone who didn't drive in... on a Big Wheel?

Oh, I don't drive. I keep taking the test over and over again, but I'm all, "This is hard!"

Honey, it meant nothing! You know I don't like bony girls. It was like having sex with a cricket.

Grace

Oh, yeah? Well, I was fake chirping!

My ex-husband wanted me to get a boob job, so I got rid of him. Well, that and the fact that he was sleeping with his dental hygienist.

Grace

Why is it always the hygienist? What is it? Is it the white uniforms, the latex gloves..?

I think it's because they're whores.

You're a strange child, aren't you?

Grace

Why do the British always insult you and then ask you to agree with them?

Maybe because we think all you Americans are a tad silly. Don't you think?

Will

You and Ben?

Grace

Hey, you were the one who wanted us to make nice. We did. We made nice - twice.

Ben

You should consider yourself lucky. I normally get $500 an hour for the work I do on this table.

Grace

That's it? I wouldn't get out of bed for $500.

Ben

Really? Would you take a check?

Grace

Either you just said something incredibly romantic, or you just called me a prostitute.

Jack

See, the problem is that you're trying to make me Will, and I'm trying to make you disappear. How about we compromise and you make me scrambled eggs?

Grace

Jack, look where my foot is. I could scramble a couple of eggs from here.

Jack

Oh, Grace. I'm not like all the other men in your life - I will hit you.

Grace

Bring it on, nancy!

Grace

Last night in bed I called Josh "Ben". To cover I stretched it out into "Bend over"...and I ended up doing something I never wanna do again.

Will

Good thing Ben's name isn't "Pee-Wee".

Will

Did I just scream like a woman?

Grace

Don't flatter yourself. You scream like a girl.

Grace

Can you imagine if whoever it was had actually gotten in? He probably would've made me rub lotion all over myself so he could make a prairie skirt out of my skin. Karen, I have never been more terrified in my entire life.

Karen

Oh, honey. Stan bought me a 7-karat ruby on our trip to Paris last year.

Grace

What does that have to do with the break-in?

Karen

Nothing, honey. I thought we were just swapping stories. Jeez, Louise! Didn't realize it was "All about Grace" day.