Karen Walker quotes from Will & Grace

Jack

It feels like there's something missing from my life, like my soul is on empty.

Karen

You can go a lot of years on empty, honey, trust me.

Karen

[about Josh] He should be killed.

Grace

He happens to be the sweetest, most thoughtful, most sensitive guy I have ever gone out with. I think he's great.

Karen

He makes me wanna barf! I wanna kick him til he's dead, honey.

Karen

I know you're mad at me about what happened with Josh, but when you get down to it, aren't you mad at yourself for taking advice from someone who was half in the bag at the time?

Grace

So, really, I shouldn't be listening to you now.

Karen

Aw, honey...probably not.

Karen

Lord, look at these people. Why anyone would choose to be homeless is beyond me!

Jack

No one chooses to be homeless. It's because they did something bad.

Ben

So, the salad's done, the risotto is cooking. Let's talk wine. Karen, you have any preference?

Karen

Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick; so you're asking the wrong gal, okay?

Karen

Who let you in?

Will

Your butler.

Karen

[snorts] You mean ex-butler.

Will

Speaking of exes, it's going to be nice being your ex-lawyer. Not having to kiss your ass or pretend that you're interesting is going to free up a lot of my time. I might even learn a language.

Karen

Honey, if you look inside this purse, I'm giving you a little sign language right now.

Grace

Can you imagine if whoever it was had actually gotten in? He probably would've made me rub lotion all over myself so he could make a prairie skirt out of my skin. Karen, I have never been more terrified in my entire life.

Karen

Oh, honey. Stan bought me a 7-karat ruby on our trip to Paris last year.

Grace

What does that have to do with the break-in?

Karen

Nothing, honey. I thought we were just swapping stories. Jeez, Louise! Didn't realize it was "All about Grace" day.

Karen

[to bartender] Ah, Smitty. Why is there is so much pain in the world? So much cruelty? Can you tell me that, Smitty?

My name is not Smitty.

Karen

I don't need your life story, nose hair, just fill 'er up!

Grace

I'm a little nervous. I'm breaking up with Ben tonight.

Karen

What's the matter, he's not gay?

Karen

Ah cripes, honey, let me give it to you in a nutshell. Your boyfriend is a big, flaming, feather-wearing, man-kissing, disco-dancing... [takes a sip of her drink] Vermont-living, Christina Aguilera-loving, Mykonos-going... [to Jack] Honey, take it on home.

Jack

Tom's queer, dear.

Karen

Merry Christmas!

Mrs. Walker? Cheryl Bricker-Fossberg, Taylor and Hayden's mom.

Karen

I have no idea what you just said.

I just want you to know I think you're awful. Your son Mason swam his heart out today, and all he wanted to do was share that joy with his family. But when he looked up in the bleachers for a familiar face, nothing. Not even a housekeeper. I find that appalling.

Karen

Oh, yeah? Well, I find stretch pants appalling, but I'm too much of a lady to mention it, fat ass.

Grace

You said that money was no object.

Karen

Honey, that's just a saying, like, "Ooh, that sounds like fun," or "I love you."

Grace

Okay, here we go. [tries to start the car, but it just clicks] That's weird. Will, what do you think is wrong?

Karen

Oh, my God. She just asked a fairy an engine question. We're all gonna die in this car!

Will

Karen, you're not going to die. It would take a silver bullet and a wooden stake to do that.

Karen

You wouldn't happen to have a breath mint, would you?

Why, yes, I do. It's in my purse.

Karen

Well, pop it! It's not doing you any good in there!

How offensive!

Karen

Honey, it's your breath, not mine.

Karen

So, how they hangin', honey?

Well, thanks to Dr. Kipper, three inches higher. Listen. As much as I'd love to stay here sweatin' with the oldies, I'm getting a little woozy from the booze-y seeping from your enlarged pores.

Karen

Oh, honey, they're not enlarged. They're just in shock over that hair color.