Vic quotes from What I Like About You

Lauren

Okay, so, he turned gay three years ago. The wife, may she rest in peace, had no clue. But he loved her, they were soulmates.

Vic

Lauren, should you really be listening?

Lauren

No. No, I should be watching too.

Vic

Okay, Val, from the second we got married, you said this relationship wouldn't work because we did everything backwards.

Val

I said that?

Vic

Yeah. A lot.

Val

You like almost dying?

Vic

No, that's not my favorite part of the job...the hats waaaaaaay cool.

Val

... You wanna wear a cool hat, get a job as a wizard.

Val

Looks like someone's codeine kicked in.

Vic

I'm going to be a wizard.

Val

You're insane...

Vic

I know it's ambitious, but just think how safe you'll be from the dragons.

Val

You what?

Vic

I quit.

Val

Your job?

Vic

No drinking.

Val

Wait, wait... h-how could you quit your job? You love your job.

Vic

I thought that's what you wanted me to do.

Val

How do you know what I want? I don't even know what I want!

Vic

You're a strange strange woman.

Lauren

Oh, it's just a ring.

Holly

Wait wait wait, let me see, let me see it!

Vic

How's that for Val's birthday present?

Holly

Oh my god, it's gorgeous. It's so much prettier than any of her other wedding rings.

Val

Um, okay, honey, I know you said I shouldn't ask you about our dinner tonight, but just so I know-

Vic

Okay, look, I'm sorry but I'm not telling you anything.

Val

Okay, but I just need to know what to wear, okay? So, should it be something dressy or does the restaurant have a playground?

Holly

You should totally give her the ring now.

Vic

No, no... there's too many people. I want to give it to her when we're alone. I want it to be perfect.

Holly

What's more perfect than doing it in front of all the people she loves? And Tina.

Val

What can I do you for?

Vic

Uh, we have decided we're not going to stay, but thank you anyway, miss!

Wait, why don't we ask her?

Vic

Ma-

Miss, what if your baby went off to some godforsaken place like Atlantic City, met a floozy, and an hour later married her? Wouldn't you want to kill yourself?

Val

Well, uh, gosh... I'd want to meet the girl first... because I'm sure the son - if he were yours - would pick a sweet, poised, conversative, classy gal, one who's just going through a rough patch.

Oh, god, you're her.

Val

... Hi!

Vic

Yeah, um, Ma, this is Val, my wife. And um, Val, this is my mom - (to his mother) don't say anything mean - Eileen.

Val

Oh my god, Lauren, all I wanted to do was get her to like me and look what happened!

Lauren

Yeah, I know, you guys are besties!

Val

That's because she's an alcoholic and I just pushed her off her wagon! Oh, this is such a mess, I was going to charm her, you know, take her Uptown, buy her a scarf, a brooch, maybe some Gina Tae splash. You know, mom stuff.

Lauren

Honey, believe me, things could be worse.

Val

How could things be worse, Lauren?

Vic

Hey, baby.

Lauren

That would be your example.

Vic

Where... where is Val? And what are you doing here?

Lauren

Well, after your big fight, I came over here to calm her down. And eat your romantic dinner - shrimp has a very small window.

Val

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I don't want to be right anymore. I just want to be right here in your arms.

Vic

Good, because this is exactly where I want you to be.

Val

What the hell was that?

Vic

We're the one millionth customer... that's a fire alarm! Okay, I'll see you in the morning, baby...

Val

Okay, just listen, be careful... be careful with your pelvis... and your feet and your legs and your head and your ears-

Vic

-I know

Val

-and your nose - be careful!

Vic

Thank you... Where's my stuff?

Val

Oh my god, the Elvis impersonator who married us is actually an impersonator impersonator.

Vic

Huh, yeah, well, that's kind of funny. Huh, we thought we were married, but we're really not.

Val

No, that's not funny. We thought we were married, but we're not married. What's that mean?

Vic

Well, it means we've been living in sin, but without the sin.