Lauren quotes from What I Like About You

Lauren

Sweet mother of God!

Val

Holy crap!

Damn!

Val

It's a letter to Rick with a heart. I don't do hearts, I do smiley faces. (Lauren takes it) What are you doing?

Lauren

(Opening the letter) A little open heart surgery.

Lauren

Are you seriously not going to go to the club and see if your sister pulls this off? Very cold, Val Tyler!

Val

That's because Holly hasn't let me turn on the heat all week!

Lauren

All right, fine. Do what you want. All I'm saying is that I'm going to the club.

Val

Okay.

Lauren

I'm just saying that Holly came by today and told me that you have been there for every big moment in her life, and she couldn't believe you were going to miss this one.

Val

She said that?

Lauren

Well, actually, she came by to make sure I didn't have any unnecessary lights on, but I read between the lines.

Lauren

(to Gary) I'll make her laugh!

Gary

(to Lauren) I'll have sex with her.

Lauren

(to Gary) So will I!

Val

Noooooo!

Lauren

Val, wake up! Val!

Val

Lauren! Oh my god, I'm married. I got married!

Lauren

WHAT?!

Lauren

Oh! Me neither, and we're over thirty. I hate this game.

Val

Lauren, I had the worst nightmare - I dreamt that I called Rick up and cussed him out really bad and then went to Atlantic City and had a drink - or six - and then I married-

Vic?!

Vic

Honey, you really got to be more careful - you left your wedding ring on the sink. Hey Lauren, long time no see. What's up?

Lauren

Oh, you know, same old, same old. You?

Vic

She didn't tell you? We got hitched. Haha... (leaves the room)

Lauren

Vic? You've been dating Vic? You've been secretly dating Vic? And I knew there was a chemistry between you two when he was our boss, but you didn't want to date him because he was our boss and now you're married, how could you not tell me?!

Val

I didn't know?

Val

Well, Mr. and Mrs. Fireman are getting an annulment.

Lauren

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay! You have been given a gift. God made you drunk and sent you a husband. And not just any one, but someone you already had feelings for!

Val

Ya... Ya... didn't sign here.

Vic

Yeah, I'm not gonna, baby.

Val

Say what, baby?

Vic

I don't want to end this marriage.

Val

No... no... you have to.

Vic

Why?

Lauren

Because you're an adulterer!

Vic

No, I'm not.

Lauren

Wanna be?

Holly

Oh, thank god she's okay!

Lauren

Why wouldn't she be okay? Nothing crazy at all happened while you were gone.

Holly

Because, I just got home and there's a prowler in the loft and I might have killed him.

Lauren

Hey, good news Val, Holly might have just killed your husband!

Holly

What?!

Lauren

Nothing! Bye-bye!

Lauren

Excuse me, I just swallowed a xylophone.

Val

You found where I hid your computer.

Lauren

Oh, what, a person can't just swallow a xylophone?

Lauren

Hi! Sorry, I'm late. I wanted to make my grand entrance for the Silver Fox.

Vince

Gay.

Tina

Hey guys. This place is awesome. Your dad and Toshi did a great job decorating.

Vince

Gay.

Lauren

Okay, so, he turned gay three years ago. The wife, may she rest in peace, had no clue. But he loved her, they were soulmates.

Vic

Lauren, should you really be listening?

Lauren

No. No, I should be watching too.

Lauren

Girls, your new mommy and I have a great idea. We have so much to celebrate, let's go out and party.

Holly

Oh, yes, I love that idea! I work so hard every day, not like the rest of my generation, partying away their dad's money at college. Not me, Daddy.

Lauren

Who made you the boss of me?

Gary

Val. Val promoted me to manager.

Lauren

Ha ha, and then what happened, you woke up?! Liar! Val is like an older sister to me - why would she pick you over me?

Gary

Oh, I don't know... maybe because I'm a business major, I show up to work on time, and I don't have a huge tab under the assumed name of Ms. Bar. Mitzvah.

Lauren

Did you promote Gary over me and if so, why?

Val

Well, Ms. Mitzvah...

Val

Lauren, have you ever wondered what Vic does for a living?

Lauren

Yeah. He's one of New York's bravest.

Val

I'm not.

Lauren

Oh, it's just a ring.

Holly

Wait wait wait, let me see, let me see it!

Vic

How's that for Val's birthday present?

Holly

Oh my god, it's gorgeous. It's so much prettier than any of her other wedding rings.