Lauren quotes from What I Like About You

Val

Oh my god, Lauren, all I wanted to do was get her to like me and look what happened!

Lauren

Yeah, I know, you guys are besties!

Val

That's because she's an alcoholic and I just pushed her off her wagon! Oh, this is such a mess, I was going to charm her, you know, take her Uptown, buy her a scarf, a brooch, maybe some Gina Tae splash. You know, mom stuff.

Lauren

Honey, believe me, things could be worse.

Val

How could things be worse, Lauren?

Vic

Hey, baby.

Lauren

That would be your example.

Lauren

Are you coming in, Mrs. Meladeo?

Val

Uh, hello? It's anonymous.

Lauren

I'm sorry. Eileen.

Val

(To Marcus) Would you like a muffin? (turns to get one, and Lauren stands in front of Marcus)

Lauren

Me llamo Muffin.

Vic

Where... where is Val? And what are you doing here?

Lauren

Well, after your big fight, I came over here to calm her down. And eat your romantic dinner - shrimp has a very small window.

Val

V-vic, we can't. Star Wars?

Vic

Okay, honey, I know it's not how you pictured it, but nothing about our relationship is how you pictured it.

Val

Baby, it's just that you get married once, you know?

Lauren

You don't.

Val

I can choose to be happy, it's so simple. Oh my god, I lived my whole life - oh, no, Lauren, do you think I made Holly this way?

Lauren

Oh, no, hell no. She's the exact opposite. She acts happy when she's really sad.

Val

Well, that's sick.

Lauren

You're both totally screwed up. Hey, now that I've cured you, maybe should pay it forward and help Holly.

Holly

Lauren, do you think you can get the SWAT guys away from the side doors?

Lauren

Oh, honey. I can get them to move away the door and buy me a Cadillac.