Val quotes from What I Like About You

Val

What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the firehouse. Holly is in Vermont. I was supposed to be alone tonight, peaceful and happy, like how I was before the incident.

Vic

Oh, you mean the drunken marriage incident?

Val

Can you not use the full title? Because that makes me look bad...

Val

Okay, stop it! Charlie, Vic can't be your best man. See, we're married.

Charlie

What? You married your brother? (to Vic) Can you do that now?

Val

Charlie?

Charlie

Urggh! And we made out! You're sick, lady!

Vic

Val, didn't you just hear Charlie? I mean, I have said the exact words to you, "We're soulmates. I know things happened fast, but we were meant to be. I know in my gut, you're the one for me." I mean, we were even wearing the same outfits.

Val

No, your cape is black, his was red.

Vic

Look, Val - I finally get it, okay. I get why you keep keeping fighting us, I get why you keep pushing me away. I must look like a nut to you, too.

Val

Well, sometimes you feel like a nut.

Val

All right, here's your crap. Now get out.

Vic

Honey, your dad is coming all the way from Japan. Why can't I meet my father-in-law?

Val

Because your father-in-law doesn't know he's a father-in-law. And he ain't goin' find out because you're not coming back until he's gone.

Vic

Okay, so what you're saying is, you want me back.

Vince

Vic? Vic! Have you met Val's-

Val

Personal trainer! What are you doing here, personal trainer?

Vic

Uh, well, we have the appointment for personal training.

Val

Uh, well, I'm going to have to cancel that, seeing as my dad's here. I won't be able to see you all week.

Jack

You have a personal trainer? What a great idea...

Val

Why, do you think I'm fat?

Val

(loud whisper) What is wrong with you?

Holly

(loud whisper) Me? What is wrong with you?

Val

(loud whisper) I just want five minutes alone with Dad so I can show him what a success I've become.

Holly

(loud whisper) Well, I really want him to like Vince, and Vince has already made a horrible impression!

Vince

Okay, you're not whispering.

Val

Don't you have a client there tonight, trainer?

Vic

Yes, but you just cancelled.

Val

(to Vic as they are running) Come on! I got 3 inch heels on and I'm still runnin' faster than you! Is this how you run into a burning building?

Vic

Hey, I'm doing it on purpose, I'm watching you from behind - very sexy.

Val

Too sexy? Oh great. Now daddy's gonna think I'm a whore. Earlier today, he told me I was fat. Now I'm a fat whore.

Val

Think I was born yesterday, dropout?

Holly

Well, let me tell you something drunken married lady!

Jack Tyler

This is why I haven't come home the last couple of years. I was afraid that you'd hate me.

Val

Hate you?

Holly

How could we hate you? You're everything to us.

Val

Daddy, we don't care who you're in love with, as long as you're happy.

Jack

You have no idea how much that means to me.

Jack Tyler

Is there something you two want to tell me?

Val

Yes, Daddy, uh, there's something I've been want to get off my chest.... Holly quit college!

Holly

Val got drunk and got married!

Jack

You're married?

Val

Aaaah!

Jack

You got married?

Val

Ah, I'm sorry! It was a huge mistake! I'm getting it annulled! Please don't be disappointed in me! And again, Holly quit college!

Jack

How could you keep something like this from me? Marrying Vic, that's huge.

Val

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. How did you know it was Vic?

Jack

Honey, I'm gay, not blind. And as for you, young lady - we'll talk about this later.

Jack Tyler

Honey, don't get out of this.

Val

What?

Jack

Don't end this marriage. You're in love with him.

Val

Huh? My god, so not...

Jack

Honey, honey! Look at me, look at me, look, look, look... You're in love with him and he's in love with you. I've been watching the two of you all night.

Val

Oh, please, just 'cause you're gay, you're all intuitive?

Jack

We're a very sensitive people! It also helps that I'm your father and I know you better than anyone. Now tell me, what are you afraid of?

Val

Sharks. Bears. Leaving the house with the flat iron on.

Jack

Getting your heart broken?

Val

No. Yes.

Jack

I'll tell you what, sweetie, get over it. To be in love with someone who loves you and not go for it just because you're scared? Trust me, you're going to miss out on an awful lot.

Val

You haven't had every guy walk out on you.

Jack

Did you ever think if they didn't, you wouldn't have ended up with Vic? When it's the right guy, he won't leave.

Lauren

Who made you the boss of me?

Gary

Val. Val promoted me to manager.

Lauren

Ha ha, and then what happened, you woke up?! Liar! Val is like an older sister to me - why would she pick you over me?

Gary

Oh, I don't know... maybe because I'm a business major, I show up to work on time, and I don't have a huge tab under the assumed name of Ms. Bar. Mitzvah.

Lauren

Did you promote Gary over me and if so, why?

Val

Well, Ms. Mitzvah...

Holly

What is wrong with us, Val?

Val

Well, you're controlling.

Holly

And you don't know what you want.

Val

We're both not well.

Vic

Okay, Val, from the second we got married, you said this relationship wouldn't work because we did everything backwards.

Val

I said that?

Vic

Yeah. A lot.