Val quotes from What I Like About You

Gary

I'm sorry, I'm getting my clients all mixed up. Uh, let's see... yeah, yeah...you're the one with the second clue to your date.

Val

Aww..

Gary

Aww... isn't he precious? Yeah, it's not often you see a teddy bear in his... formal attire.

Val

You like almost dying?

Vic

No, that's not my favorite part of the job...the hats waaaaaaay cool.

Val

... You wanna wear a cool hat, get a job as a wizard.

Val

Lauren, have you ever wondered what Vic does for a living?

Lauren

Yeah. He's one of New York's bravest.

Val

I'm not.

Val

Looks like someone's codeine kicked in.

Vic

I'm going to be a wizard.

Val

You're insane...

Vic

I know it's ambitious, but just think how safe you'll be from the dragons.

Val

You what?

Vic

I quit.

Val

Your job?

Vic

No drinking.

Val

Wait, wait... h-how could you quit your job? You love your job.

Vic

I thought that's what you wanted me to do.

Val

How do you know what I want? I don't even know what I want!

Vic

You're a strange strange woman.

Val

Um, okay, honey, I know you said I shouldn't ask you about our dinner tonight, but just so I know-

Vic

Okay, look, I'm sorry but I'm not telling you anything.

Val

Okay, but I just need to know what to wear, okay? So, should it be something dressy or does the restaurant have a playground?

Val

What can I do you for?

Vic

Uh, we have decided we're not going to stay, but thank you anyway, miss!

Wait, why don't we ask her?

Vic

Ma-

Miss, what if your baby went off to some godforsaken place like Atlantic City, met a floozy, and an hour later married her? Wouldn't you want to kill yourself?

Val

Well, uh, gosh... I'd want to meet the girl first... because I'm sure the son - if he were yours - would pick a sweet, poised, conversative, classy gal, one who's just going through a rough patch.

Oh, god, you're her.

Val

... Hi!

Vic

Yeah, um, Ma, this is Val, my wife. And um, Val, this is my mom - (to his mother) don't say anything mean - Eileen.

Val

Oh my god, Lauren, all I wanted to do was get her to like me and look what happened!

Lauren

Yeah, I know, you guys are besties!

Val

That's because she's an alcoholic and I just pushed her off her wagon! Oh, this is such a mess, I was going to charm her, you know, take her Uptown, buy her a scarf, a brooch, maybe some Gina Tae splash. You know, mom stuff.

Lauren

Honey, believe me, things could be worse.

Val

How could things be worse, Lauren?

Vic

Hey, baby.

Lauren

That would be your example.

Lauren

Are you coming in, Mrs. Meladeo?

Val

Uh, hello? It's anonymous.

Lauren

I'm sorry. Eileen.

Val

(To Marcus) Would you like a muffin? (turns to get one, and Lauren stands in front of Marcus)

Lauren

Me llamo Muffin.

Val

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I don't want to be right anymore. I just want to be right here in your arms.

Vic

Good, because this is exactly where I want you to be.

Val

What the hell was that?

Vic

We're the one millionth customer... that's a fire alarm! Okay, I'll see you in the morning, baby...

Val

Okay, just listen, be careful... be careful with your pelvis... and your feet and your legs and your head and your ears-

Vic

-I know

Val

-and your nose - be careful!

Vic

Thank you... Where's my stuff?

Val

Oh my god, the Elvis impersonator who married us is actually an impersonator impersonator.

Vic

Huh, yeah, well, that's kind of funny. Huh, we thought we were married, but we're really not.

Val

No, that's not funny. We thought we were married, but we're not married. What's that mean?

Vic

Well, it means we've been living in sin, but without the sin.

Vic

Okay, c'mere.

Val

Oh wait, what are you doing? Put me down.

Vic

What now?

Val

It's the night before our wedding - it's bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other. (runs upstairs)

Vic

We'll do it in the dark!