Hey. Look at the new costume I made. Can you guess who I am?
You're uh, Little Boy Poop.
Little Bo Peep. Alright, can I tell you guys how much I'm loving my new costume design class?
And my teacher says I have a gift for knowing people's exact measurements.
[to Robbie] Hey, Robbie, do you want me to tell you what size pants you are?
I already know. They're a size four.
(Cat laughs)
That's how they measure girls' pants.
What? Rex, you promised me these were boy jeans.
Heh heh heh. You've been Rexed.
Hey. Will you guys take a look at my headshot and resume?
Sikowitz got me an audition for a movie.
You look twelve in this pic.
Well that was the last time I was shot by a professional photographer.
My brother got shot by a clown.
Because my brother kept poking him and saying "What you gonna do about it, clown? Huh?" (pause) It happened on a bus.
(pulls out a coloring book and crayons) Cat, color the tiger.
Well, now I have to find a professional photographer.
(Sinjin walks over)
SinjinDid someone say she needs a professional photographer?
Sinjin
Nope. (walks off again)
Yeah, I don't seem so weird anymore, do I?
What did you say, Girl Pants?
Alright, you gotta work on this resume.
Why, what's wrong with it?
You only have one play on there.
Well, that's all I've been in.
So? Just say you've acted in more stuff.
Well, it's not really lying...
Did I mention the clown was my cousin Jesse?
[sternly] Color the pretty tiger.
You gotta have more things under special skills.
Yeah, you put bike riding as a special skill. Who can't ride a bike?
(puts hand over Rex's mouth) Can you keep any secret?
So what "special skills" should I add?
Flirtatious hair flipping.
Okay, I do not flip my hair flirtatiously!
Oh, and this doesn't seem familiar? [Imitating Tori] Why, hello, boys! My name is Tori Vega! Buy me some licorice and I'll give you a kiss!
I talk NOTHING like that. (to the rest of the gang) Seriously, do I talk anything like that? (the others all imitate Tori at the same time. Tori puts a picture of herself in front of her face)
I'm playing Susie, right?
(Sikowitz nervously hems and haws, then runs from the room. Jade picks up the paper with the roles)
(Jade angrily crumples paper and kicks a chair)
I don't think she got it.
Yeah. Her. That! She got the lead!
I got cheated and humiliated!
Sinjin
You get used to it. (Robbie nods)
Alright, chill down. Let's see. It says right here, "Jade West, understudy for the role of Susie".
Oh, yee hoo. Like it's my dream to be Tori's understudy.
Aw, man! (throws cup against the wall)
An understudy is like a backup actor.
So if you get sick or something, your understudy takes over for your part in the play.
Yeah, if you get sick, or go missing, or GET HIT BY A BUS! [storms out]
[nervous] Uh... (Jade breaks something) she can't drive a bus, can she?
(Tori has bought a new Pearphone GX. Suddenly, Trina walks in)
Hey. Look what I got, everyone. (shows her new Pearphone XT)
Yep. (Tori, surprised, looks at the phone)
What? No, no, no, no, no..
Uh huh. They just hit the Pear Store this morning.
Sinjin
(also holding a Pearphone XT) I got one too.
B1Boy #1
(also holding Pearphone XT) Same here.
LLuther
(holding also a Pearphone XT and a sledgehammer) I got a blue one...... with unlimited texting.
(furiously) DOG JAM IT! (goes to the trash can) Buh-bye! (drops the phone in the trash can)
TRTalking Reggie
Buh-bye! :Tori: Ugh! (kicks the trash can and leaves) :Talking Reggie: EEEEEEERRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!
(during the rehearsal of the play. Jade, in-character, is seen crying as both Andre and Beck, also in-character, are in front of her)
Don't you understand? Your father's an astronaut. It's his dream to walk on the moon but now that might never happen because of his narcolepsy!
It's when you're always falling asleep even when you're not tired.
(to Sinjin) Car door sound effect! (Sinjin clicks a button where it's being followed by a sound of a car alarm stopping)
(stands up, along with Beck and Andre) Oh, I just heard your father's car. Now, boys, no matter how narcoleptic he is, you pretend you don't notice. (notices Beck holding her apron) Don't touch Mommy. (pulls Beck's hand off her apron. After that, Tori, wearing a mustache and male clothes, enters)
(in a man voice) Nancy, boys, I'm home.
(to Andre) Hello, Car--- (since Tori's character has narcolepsy, she falls on the sofa and passes out)
Oh. It's all right, boys. It's all right now. (comes to Tori) Honey. Honey. (Tori suddenly gets up)
I'M UP! I'M UP! (to Beck) So, Tommy. How was school today?
(his and Andre's characters are twins) I'm Carter.
Ahh!! What kind of father am I?! I'm so darn narcoleptic I can't even tell my own twin sons apart.
It's not your fault they're identical. Look at them. (both Tori and Jade look at Beck and Andre)
Nancy, you're so--- (for another time, Tori passes out and falls in front of Jade)
Ahh.. Ooh.. Sweetheart! Darling!
No. No, you were saying I'm so?
Right, uh, you're so good, gentle. How can you love a sleepy loser like me?
You are no sleepy loser. You are an astronaut.
(the rehearsal ends) Eh, no you don't! Light a candle, Burf. This play stinks!
BBurf
I don't have a candle.
Then get a better haircut!
Sinjin
Shake it off, Burf. He's just in a mood.
(after commercial)
...And now, we continue with the exciting second half of Victorious. Press Play. (Tori's about to kiss Robbie, but Beck comes rushing in)
Tori, Andre. Have you heard? Have you heard the news?
I already told you! The Beverly Hills volcano is about to erupt! Now, kiss me.
The Beverly Hills volcano has retired and moved to Florida. So, it's probably NOT gonna spew hot lava all over Hollywood Arts! (everyone cheers)
Wait! I just heard we're about to be attacked by killer butterflies! (everyone moans)
Wait! Sinjin has 2 big jugs of anti-butterfly spray! (everyone cheers again, but Sinjin is seen drinking the spray)
Sinjin
But I drank them! (everyone moans again)
(holding up an apple) Wait, I'm not gonna eat this apple! So, you guys can all share it! (everyone cheers again, Tori's phone then goes off)
WAIT! I just got a text that says that apples make your hair fall out! (everyone moans again)
What's done is done. (eats an apple out of a bowl of them)
(holding a chew toy that looks like a phone) Look what I got!
It's a dog toy that looks like a phone. Isn't It cool? (pause) I'm coming in now. (Cat enters) Hi, Mrs. Tori's mom!
Uh.. why did you get a dog chew toy cellphone?
To help me get through the week. I mean, I know it's not like having a real phone but at least I can pretend.
But it's not even... uh, can I hold it? (grabs the toy)
Oh, you girls are pathetic. When I was your age, we didn't even have cellphones!
Yeah, but you had stuff that we don't have.
Yeah, like dinosaurs and Moses.
Oh, for corn sake. Sikowitz isn't here so just use my phone!
Sinjin is out there spying on us!
Sinjin
(from the Vega patio) Can I use your bathroom?
(Sinjin turns around and urinates in his pants)
(Tori, Cat, and Holly all gasp offensively)
(Sinjin runs off the patio; Holly and Cat then stare at Tori in dismay)
(Trina and Sinjin are jumping rope)
And jump, and jump, and jump, and jump...
Sinjin
I think I'm getting it!
Good. Now let's do our rhymes.
Sinjin
'Kay kay.
"B" my name is Betty and my husband's name is Bob...
Sinjin
...We live in bubble city where we sell beeeeaaaaaaver medicine.
Why don't you start the next one?
Sinjin
"S" my name is Sinjin and my wife's name is Trina...
[lets the rope down] I'm done with this. (leaves)
Victorious · 532 quotes
