Andre quotes from Victorious

I told you, I DON'T KNOW!

Okay, if you don't know, you don't know. [slaps Beck hard then grabs his shirt] NOW DO YOU KNOW?!

Hey, man! Get your partner off of me!

Andre

You better tell her what she wants to know. [licks a lollipop]

You got three seconds to talk.

I-I-I don't know. I-

(Cat slaps him again)

She's in my basement! [Cat lets go of him] She's in my basement. [gets on his knees and cries]

Boring.

[The students turns to Sikowitz]

Andre

That was boring?

[gets up] Yeah, it was all too predictable. There were no, [puts on a shocked face] AHH, surprises.

I enjoyed the slapping.

See, entertainment is so much more entertaining, when the characters do something the audience doesn't expect.

I don't get what you're trying to say here.

You've bewildered everybody.

[The students begin to talk all at once.]

All right, okay, maybe I'm wrong. Let's move on the something else. [Cat, Beck and Andre sit back down] Let's talk about our hopes and dreams. [points to Tori] Tori.

[points to Sikowitz] Sikowitz.

What's your biggest hope and/or dream? [smiles at her]

Uh...probably to be a pop star. A really successful singer.

[laughs insanely]

[laughs nervously with him] What?

Oh, well, maybe you could sing at weddings for the hearing impaired. [continues laughing]

[The students looks at Sikowitz in shock.]

Okay, this is the most fun class ever.

[sad] You really don't think I can make it as a singer?

Nope. HA! You see? You're all staring at me with rapt attention. Why? Because, as a teacher, you expect me to encourage my students not puke on their dreams. Right?

[The students agree]

Uh huh.

This is what I'm trying to explain. When characters do the unexpected- [falls suddenly] audiences pay attention.

Oh, I have a headache.

[The bell rings.]

That's lunchtime. Get out.

[The students get up and leave.]

Hey, Jade. That's a nice new sweater.

Thanks. It's made out of puppet hair.

Dang, woman.

View quote →

Hey. Look at the new costume I made. Can you guess who I am?

No.

Andre

You're uh, Little Boy Poop.

Little Bo Peep. Alright, can I tell you guys how much I'm loving my new costume design class?

ABAndre and Beck

Uh...

And my teacher says I have a gift for knowing people's exact measurements.

Hey, peepolinis!!

I'm not with him.

[to Robbie] Hey, Robbie, do you want me to tell you what size pants you are?

I already know. They're a size four.

(Cat laughs)

Size four?

That's how they measure girls' pants.

What? Rex, you promised me these were boy jeans.

Heh heh heh. You've been Rexed.

Hey. Will you guys take a look at my headshot and resume?

Andre

Sure. Why?

Sikowitz got me an audition for a movie.

I don't care.

Andre

You look twelve in this pic.

Well that was the last time I was shot by a professional photographer.

My brother got shot by a clown.

Andre

Why?

Because my brother kept poking him and saying "What you gonna do about it, clown? Huh?" (pause) It happened on a bus.

(pulls out a coloring book and crayons) Cat, color the tiger.

Yay, crayons!

Well, now I have to find a professional photographer.

(Sinjin walks over)

Sinjin

Did someone say she needs a professional photographer?

Yeah, you know one?

Sinjin

Nope. (walks off again)

Yeah, I don't seem so weird anymore, do I?

What did you say, Girl Pants?

Andre

Alright, you gotta work on this resume.

Why, what's wrong with it?

You only have one play on there.

Well, that's all I've been in.

Andre

So? Just say you've acted in more stuff.

Lie?

Yes!

Well, it's not really lying...

It's exaggerating!

Did I mention the clown was my cousin Jesse?

[sternly] Color the pretty tiger.

So, back to my resume...

Andre

You gotta have more things under special skills.

Yeah, you put bike riding as a special skill. Who can't ride a bike?

Take a guess.

(puts hand over Rex's mouth) Can you keep any secret?

So what "special skills" should I add?

Andre

Gymnastics.

Martial arts.

Skydiving.

Flirtatious hair flipping.

Okay, I do not flip my hair flirtatiously!

Oh, and this doesn't seem familiar? [Imitating Tori] Why, hello, boys! My name is Tori Vega! Buy me some licorice and I'll give you a kiss!

I talk NOTHING like that. (to the rest of the gang) Seriously, do I talk anything like that? (the others all imitate Tori at the same time. Tori puts a picture of herself in front of her face)

View quote →

So I said ok.

Really? I had no idea you did stunt work.

I don't! I'm not a stunt double!

Then why'd you accept the job?

I don't know. Because I'm stupid?

I've been telling you people she's stupid, but did anyone believe me?

Andre

Alright, wait. Why did they even offer you a job as a stunt double?

Because of my resume? Under "special skills" I put gymnastics and karate, and that made them think I could do stunts.

See, you should never lie on your resume. (Tori gives her a dirty look) Well, that's not a pretty face.

View quote →

Andre

[to Tori] Come on, now there's not gonna be a funeral.

Aw.

Andre

We're all gonna come down to set, keep you cool, watch you land safe and sound, right on that air sack.

(Tori smiles)

Andre

Unless you miss it! [laughs]

(Tori frowns)

Andre

I don't think you'll miss it.

View quote →

(everyone is at Tori's looking for letters)

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Cat, what'd you say?

When?

Just a second ago.

(pause) I said "when."

No, before that.

Oh, I said "H".

Andre

H? Yes! (everybody runs to Cat)

She's got it! She got the H!

(laughs) I feel so loved.

View quote →

(enters) Hey.

Andre

Where's the ice cream?

Yeah. Didn't you get some more?

Nope. Check Ke$ha's last update. (Tori, Andre, Jade and Cat grab their phones)

(reads the update) "Congrats to the dude in Northridge who found all the letters and spelled out Ke$ha. Thanks for playing. Ke$ha later."

Andre

Contest over.

Great. I spent nine hours of my life violating pints of ice cream for nothing.

Well I got stick beat by vicious mothers.

(sadly) I hate everything.

(stands up) Well... (goes to Tori) ...don't be sad.

I am sad, cause I didn't marry a prince and I don't live in a magic sugar castle, and now, we can't win the Ke$ha concert which means that I gotta keep being Trina's stupid assistant for 28 more days.

That's so sad.

Andre

Come on. It's okay. Maybe...maybe Trina will just forget about it.

View quote →

I need the S! [starts whimpering and despairing on Andre's shoulder] Where is the S?

Andre

[hugging Tori] I don't know baby, I just don't know.

View quote →

(the gang with the exception of Robbie and Rex are at the convenience store searching for the "$" to finish spelling "Ke$ha")

(frustrated after opening the Funky Nut Blast can) No. It's just a dumb... H.

Andre

Well maybe there's another pint.

(looking in the ice cream freezer) There's not. That's the only Funky Nut Blast.

(Tori leans against the freezer, starts whining, and then slides to the floor)

AJAndre and Jade

(concerned) Tori.

Andre

We're in public. Please.

View quote →

(the kid at the store gives his conditions for giving them the "$")

KKid

(pointing at Tori) I want to kiss you.

What?

KKid

(pointing at Cat) And her.

(Cat giggles)

KKid

(pointing at Jade) And the freaky one.

What?

Andre

You better stop there.

View quote →

I'm playing Susie, right?

(Sikowitz nervously hems and haws, then runs from the room. Jade picks up the paper with the roles)

Did you get the lead?

(Jade angrily crumples paper and kicks a chair)

Andre

I don't think she got it.

So, who's playing Susie?

(uncrumples paper) Me.

Yeah. Her. That! She got the lead!

What part did you get?

I got cheated and humiliated!

Sinjin

You get used to it. (Robbie nods)

Andre

Alright, chill down. Let's see. It says right here, "Jade West, understudy for the role of Susie".

Oh, yee hoo. Like it's my dream to be Tori's understudy.

What's an understudy?

Aw, man! (throws cup against the wall)

An understudy is like a backup actor.

Andre

So if you get sick or something, your understudy takes over for your part in the play.

Yeah, if you get sick, or go missing, or GET HIT BY A BUS! [storms out]

[nervous] Uh... (Jade breaks something) she can't drive a bus, can she?

View quote →

It's raining.

I know.

Should we stop?

Andre

Or do you want to keep going?

View quote →

Oh, he's coming. Don't let him know we were watching.

Andre

What's up?

Nothing.

Not a thing.

We were not watching you kiss that girl.

View quote →

SSherry

[Prom-goers are starting to leave; Tori asks why] People are mad, because there's no band, there was a freaky video...

Andre

And Doug's diaper doesn't fit him too well.

View quote →

Ok, so you're telling me that freak show is a girl?

PPrisoner

What are you looking at?

I'm looking at a big stupid lady in prison, what are you looking at?

PPrisoner

Grrr!

Ohhhh...me make big man-lady mad. (prisoner bangs stick against the fence and walks away) Oooh, good one! Hey, call me, we'll go skirt shopping!

Must you aggravate my fellow prisoners?

Yes, I must.

Andre

Man, eating salt is gross!

Not as gross as the prison food they make us eat in here!

One time, when my brother was in prison, he told the people in charge he was a vegetarian so they gave him special meals. (Tori looks weirded out) Oh wait, that was on an airplane.

View quote →

Andre

Beck?

Yeah?

Andre

I'm kinda scared.