Andre quotes from Victorious

Andre

We're gonna die!

Beck

Don't act scared.

Andre

I'm not acting. (the prisoners step closer)

(to Beck) YOU!

Beck

Me?

HOW YOU MAKE YOUR HAIR SO...FLUFFY?

TELL US!

Andre

Tell 'em, man! J-j-just tell 'em what they want to know!

Beck

Okay. Well, it all starts with a quality shampoo and conditioner.

Tori

How’s Trina?

Andre

Is she alright?

Cat

How’s the ranch house?

Lane

Trina's banged up but she's going to be fine. Nothing serious.

Lane

You're all suspects.

Awww, not again.

Tori

Suspects?

Andre

For what happened to Trina?

Lane

(nods) Uh huh.

Cat

But that was an accident.

Jade

Yup. A terrible hilarious accident. That already has 1,700 views!

Lane

Posting videos of people's tragedies is just mean and wrong.

Jade

Yeah. No, thanks, I really appreciate your input on that.

Robbie

Why'd you cast Trina as the lead girl?

Tori

I didn't want to. You know my Cuddly Cathy doll that I love and I've had since I was five years old?

Andre

Nah, I don't know what you're talking about.

Robbie

No, you've never mentioned it.

Tori

Oh. Well, Trina kidnapped her, and she wouldn't give her back unless-

Robbie

Unless you gave Trina the lead.

Tori

Yep.

Andre

That's jacked up.

Robbie

Yeah, but don't you think you're a little old to be playing with dolls?

Right!

Robbie

I know!

Robbie

Okay, hold on. Hold on! There is another person that had a reason to get back at Trina.

Andre

Well, it's not me! All I wanna do is go play with Kiko!

Lane

Who else had a motive to get back at Trina?

Robbie

Cat.

Cat

Hi!

Tori

Cat?

Cat

Whatie?

Jade

Did you cut Trina's harness gimbel?

Cat

No, why would I want to hurt Trina?

Robbie

Cause of what happened between you two right before the play started.

Lane

Well, um...

Andre

Aw no, no! Now we gotta hear another version of the story from a unique point of view? (buries his head in a pillow on the couch and cries)

Robbie

Ok, um... it was an unusually windy day here in Los Angeles...

Tori

Get to the point.

Robbie

Ok, um... Tori had just accidentally whacked Sinjin in the jaw and right about then Cat was helping me with my costume and feeling my muscles when Trina walked by and said...

Trina

(during Robbie's flashback) Hey Robbie, why don't you come backstage with me and help me do my makeup... or whatever?

Robbie

You make me happy.

Cat

(to Trina) Why don't you just get outta here?

Trina

Why don't you?

Robbie

Ladies, come on now. Look, there's 1 of me, 2 of you... (puts his arm around both) ...And 7 swinging days of the week.

Cat

He even makes math hot.

Trina

Robbie's mine!

Cat

He loves me! (Trina hits her) Ow! You thwacked my head! She thwacked my head! I'll get you for that, Trina Vega! I'll get you good!

Tori

(in Jade's flashback, to Jade after she has violently screamed at Trina and punched Sinjin) Why can't I be pretty like you?

Tori

That's not even close to how it happened!

Jade

It's how I remember it.

Tori

Yeah, 'cause you're demented!

Jade

Oooohh, so you think I’m pretty and demented?

Tori

I never said you were pretty. And I never punched Sinjin.

Jade

But you admit you threatened Trina!

Tori

No!

Robbie

Wait, I did kinda hear you tell Trina you were gonna kill her. (Lane looks at Tori in concern)

Cat

So did I. But if you’re gonna try to kill me, too, then all I heard was pretty music. (Everyone looks at her) La la la la la...

Jade

(points to Robbie and Cat) 2 Witnesses.

Andre

Come on now, I know Tori and there's no way she'd ever-- (phone beeps) Aw, it's Kiko. Tori's guilty, I gotta go!

Lane

And since Trina wasn't seriously hurt, I say we can put this whole incident behind us...

Andre

KIKO!!! Kiko, ha ha ha! (jumps off the couch and runs out of the room excitedly) (Tori gives a "whatever" type of look)

Andre

I wonder what they're text fighting about?

Tori

Let's ask 'em. Hey, you guys-

Beck

Stay out of it!

Jade

Back off!

Tori

(to Andre) I'd rather not get involved.

Andre

I think that's best.

Beck

Jade's not here yet?

Andre

Um, about Jade...

Beck

Yeah?

Andre

Look, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know if she's the right girl to sing my song.

Beck

Why not?

Andre

I dunno, I just...she scares me.

Beck

Jade scares you?

Andre

She scares everybody.

Jade

I am gonna kill him! (Andre backs off)

Beck

What happened?

Jade

Sinjin sat on my new scissors!

Beck

Ok, calm down-

Jade

I am not gonna calm down! They're bent! They've lost their sciss! (she throws them across the room and they stick to the wall)

Beck

(after a pause) You kids have fun.

Cat

Okay (sigh)

André

Okay.

Robbie

Parade float.

André

Ideas.

Cat

What do we have so far?

Tori

Let's see... Oh, we have 2: 'A tribute to the fruits of Mexico' and 'Need good Idea for float.'

What was wrong with my idea?

Tori

No one wants to see a parade float called 'The Ladies of North Ridge.'

Well...

Tori

Come on, guys, be serious. (Trina enters) You wanna look dumb on national tv?

Trina

(drops her glass) Who's gonna be on national tv?

Cat

We're performing in the Parade Parade.

Trina

I'll do it.

Tori

Trina...

Trina

No, seriously, I'll sing or dance, I can just stand on the float right in front and be the pretty girl. I can totally be the pretty girl.

Tori

Alright, let's put it to a vote. All those--

No!

Trina

Fine. I don't wanna be in it. I wouldn't be in it if you begged me. (Trina storms out and slams the door, then opens the door after a pause) Just let me be in it?

No!

Trina

I don't even wanna be in it. (she runs into Jade on the way out)

Jade

Your sister just elbowed me in my lung.

Robbie

I'll get you some ice.

Jade

Sit down!

Tori

I'm sorry, did someone invite you here?

Jade

Beck told me you guys were appearing on national TV?

Tori

So?

Jade

And you think you're doing that without me?

Andre

You stormed out of Sikowitz's class. (Jade advances towards him threateningly) I feel that Jade should be included.

Andre

We don't wanna wear these.

Cat

Why don't you guys like your costumes?

Beck

(looks down at his costume in disbelief) W-why?

Cat

They're candy jammies, they go perfect with our cupcake theme.

Robbie

Yeah, they do. I think they're rad cool.

Jade

(sarcastic) Yeah, they look adorable.

Tori

You know, she wants us all to wear them.

Jade

(turns to Cat) I will pop your head like a zit.

Cat

(holds her hands to her head) Graphic.

Andre

How do you go from an A to a D so fast?

Jade

That happened to me in eighth grade.

Cat

Christmas beef?

Andre

Yeah, sure. (takes a piece but then gets suspicious) ...Wait. Who made this?

Cat

My brother!

Andre

Uh-uh. (puts it back)

Cat

Why not?

Andre

'Cause last month I had his Thanksgiving sausage and i'm still a mess.

Andre

Well, this is a great way to spend a Saturday.

Tori

I have never had detention before.

Robbie

I'm kinda nervous.

Jade

(to Robbie) If you hadn't made us late for class, we wouldn't be here.

Robbie

I was choking on a pretzel.

Andre

Well, why do you always gotta be chokin' on somethin'?

Beck

(to Andre) Ah, give him a break.

Tori

Yeah, it's not Robbie's fault he has a petite throat.

Robbie

It's average.

"Ah"!

Well, well. It's 7:06 here in Los Angeles. That means that in Australia, it's yesterday! (pause) Or tomorrow.

Robbie

Y'know, in Australia, when you flush the toilet, the water swirls backwards.

Put a sock in it, Afro! You clowns are gonna sit in here all day and think about why you're in detention. (Jade leans back and spits her gum in the air; Rex leans back and catches it in his mouth) Now, cellphones. Let's have 'em.

Beck

Why?

Because in detention, there are no phone calls.

Beck

What about texting?

No.

Andre

E-mail?

No!

Tori

Can we play Grumpy Gerbils?

Cat

I love Grumpy Gerbils.

Robbie

I can't get past Level 23.

ZIP IT, corn pie.

Jade

Can we have corn pie?

Shut up! (brief pause) PHONES! (the gang all put their phones in the box) Now... I'm gonna put your box of phones right here. (puts them on top of the bookshelf. Tori then raises her hand) What, "princess"?

Tori

I was just wondering what the plan is for lunch.

Well if you pre-turds get hungry, there's a big plate of tuna right here. (points to it)

Robbie

Um, technically, sir, if perishable foods aren't kept at either below 34 degrees or above 140 degrees-

Pipe down, side salad. Eat the tuna or starve. I could care less.

Andre

I think you mean you couldn't care less.

What's that?

Beck

You said you could care less.

Tori

Which implies that you do care, at least a little bit.

I don't.

Beck

Well, then you should have said, you couldn't care less.

Robbie

But you did not.

Cat

Hey, what about the guy who first landed on the moon? He said "One small step for man." I would've just said "Oh, my god, I'm on the moon." (Beck smiles)

Alright, not another word.

Jade

Word.

That's it, West, you just bought yourself another Saturday detention.

Jade

Did I get a good deal on it?

You just bought yourself another one. (Cat yelps and buries her head in her hood)

Jade

Okay, look, I'm sorry, I apologize.

That's 3. 3 Saturdays.

Tori

But she was apologizing.

Okay, Vega, now you got one.

Tori

Why?

Boom! Another one.

Tori

I don't want another one!

That's three. You want to to try for four?

Tori

I really don't.

That's 4! You want 5?

Jade

Yes.

Okay, Vega, you just got 5!

Tori

What?

Cat

(silently) Tori, stop.

Tori

Stop what? Jade said yes.

I guess he's afraid to give one to Robbie. (Robbie covers Rex's mouth as Mr. Dickers comes to him)

(to Rex) Oh, yeah? I got one for you, too, Fudge Sack. Anybody else? Huh? Anybody? (no one speaks) You mess with the cow... you get the udders. (Dickers leaves the library as the door closes)

Tori

FORGET YOU!!!