Okay, Beck. What role will Cat be playing at the Great Sikowitz Sleepover?
Cat will play a 1980s standup comedian...who's very annoying!
CatI wanna be a unicorn!
Cat
Phooey..!
Now, Cat! Who will Robbie be playing?
Cat
Well...i've decided, Robbie's role should be a motivational speaker...
Cat
Who just drank some weird beverage that makes his legs weak and wobbly! (laughs)
Okay, so, uh, i'm a motivational speaker with...jelly legs.
Cat
Yeah, i'm creative.
Wonderful. Robbie, tell us the character you've chosen for Beck.
Sure! One sec. (presses some buttons on his PearPad then turns it to them) Okay. Beck will be playing... (turns the PearPad to face them) A guy from England whose accent is really hard to understand, and he's always invading people's personal space.
(in a British accent) No problem.
Andre! What do you have in store for Torro?
Did you just call me Torro?
I know. But I do love that fatty tuna.
(to Robbie) Should I be offended?
Okay, uh, Tori's character will be a cop who wears way too much red lipstick, and is obsessed with raisin bran.
Where did you come up with that?
Well, see, I had this dream last night, where this lady cop was like...and she was like...then I was like...I just thought of it.
Tori! Tell us what Jade will be.
Love to. (As she walks in front of the others, Jade looks worried that Tori will say something she will hate.) Jade will be an innocent farm girl from Alabama who's always super sweet and nice and never gets upset about anything.
I'd rather slam my tongue in a car door.
Now tell us who Andre will be playing.
Ugh, fine... (stands up and walks in front of the others) You're gonna be a guy who's just finished running a marathon...
Who also happens to be nine months pregnant.
JJason
I'm going with some guys to see the Waldogs play at the moxie.
Cat
I'll go with you to see the Waldogs play at the moxie, I'll go right now!
EEEECK! Cat...you just broke character. (opens the door)
Cat
Yay! (drops her microphone and leaves with Jason) Bye, everyone, I'll be at the moxie! (Sikowitz shuts the door after they leave.)
And to THINK I was gonna let that boy eat my Raisin Bran!
(Robbie is laughing and eating popcorn while watching Terms of Endearment, a drama film, with David and Holly Vega)
Who laughs at Terms of Endearment?
It's not a comedy. (the doorbell rings. David opens the door. It was Cat and Jason)
Cat
(waving) Hi, Tori's dad!
Cat
This is Jason.
Cat
Robbie texted me and said you guys are watching a funny movie!
(turns to Robbie) It's not a comedy!
Hey, you guys! Come on in. (Cat and Jason enter the house)
Cat
Oh, popcorn!!! (Cat eats popcorn and sits along with Jason. Cat starts to laugh) Is that Debra Winger?
(Cat, Robbie and Jason continue to laugh while watching the movie)
Just tell us where the girl is.
I told you, I DON'T KNOW!
Cat
Okay, if you don't know, you don't know. [slaps Beck hard then grabs his shirt] NOW DO YOU KNOW?!
Hey, man! Get your partner off of me!
You better tell her what she wants to know. [licks a lollipop]
Cat
You got three seconds to talk.
(Cat slaps him again)
She's in my basement! [Cat lets go of him] She's in my basement. [gets on his knees and cries]
[The students turns to Sikowitz]
[gets up] Yeah, it was all too predictable. There were no, [puts on a shocked face] AHH, surprises.
See, entertainment is so much more entertaining, when the characters do something the audience doesn't expect.
I don't get what you're trying to say here.
You've bewildered everybody.
[The students begin to talk all at once.]
All right, okay, maybe I'm wrong. Let's move on the something else. [Cat, Beck and Andre sit back down] Let's talk about our hopes and dreams. [points to Tori] Tori.
[points to Sikowitz] Sikowitz.
What's your biggest hope and/or dream? [smiles at her]
Uh...probably to be a pop star. A really successful singer.
[laughs nervously with him] What?
Oh, well, maybe you could sing at weddings for the hearing impaired. [continues laughing]
[The students looks at Sikowitz in shock.]
Okay, this is the most fun class ever.
[sad] You really don't think I can make it as a singer?
Nope. HA! You see? You're all staring at me with rapt attention. Why? Because, as a teacher, you expect me to encourage my students not puke on their dreams. Right?
[The students agree]
This is what I'm trying to explain. When characters do the unexpected- [falls suddenly] audiences pay attention.
[The bell rings.]
That's lunchtime. Get out.
[The students get up and leave.]
Hey, Jade. That's a nice new sweater.
Thanks. It's made out of puppet hair.
Cat
Hey. Look at the new costume I made. Can you guess who I am?
You're uh, Little Boy Poop.
Cat
Little Bo Peep. Alright, can I tell you guys how much I'm loving my new costume design class?
Cat
And my teacher says I have a gift for knowing people's exact measurements.
Cat
[to Robbie] Hey, Robbie, do you want me to tell you what size pants you are?
I already know. They're a size four.
(Cat laughs)
Cat
That's how they measure girls' pants.
What? Rex, you promised me these were boy jeans.
Heh heh heh. You've been Rexed.
Hey. Will you guys take a look at my headshot and resume?
Sikowitz got me an audition for a movie.
You look twelve in this pic.
Well that was the last time I was shot by a professional photographer.
Cat
My brother got shot by a clown.
Cat
Because my brother kept poking him and saying "What you gonna do about it, clown? Huh?" (pause) It happened on a bus.
(pulls out a coloring book and crayons) Cat, color the tiger.
Cat
Yay, crayons!
Well, now I have to find a professional photographer.
(Sinjin walks over)
Did someone say she needs a professional photographer?
Yeah, I don't seem so weird anymore, do I?
What did you say, Girl Pants?
Alright, you gotta work on this resume.
Why, what's wrong with it?
You only have one play on there.
Well, that's all I've been in.
So? Just say you've acted in more stuff.
Well, it's not really lying...
Cat
Did I mention the clown was my cousin Jesse?
[sternly] Color the pretty tiger.
You gotta have more things under special skills.
Yeah, you put bike riding as a special skill. Who can't ride a bike?
(puts hand over Rex's mouth) Can you keep any secret?
So what "special skills" should I add?
Flirtatious hair flipping.
Okay, I do not flip my hair flirtatiously!
Oh, and this doesn't seem familiar? [Imitating Tori] Why, hello, boys! My name is Tori Vega! Buy me some licorice and I'll give you a kiss!
I talk NOTHING like that. (to the rest of the gang) Seriously, do I talk anything like that? (the others all imitate Tori at the same time. Tori puts a picture of herself in front of her face)
[Cat is upset and refusing to talk to Robbie at lunch] Cat? Cat, come on. You can't be mad at me over something that I did in your dream.
Cat
It's what you didn't do.
Well, would you at least tell me what I didn't do?
Cat
Fine. These little kids were trying to eat us, and you wouldn't even try to help me. You were just crying and yelling "No, no. Don't eat me. Eat her, eat her."
Well, I'm sorry. And if a bunch of little kids ever really do try to eat us, I promise to...well, why shouldn't they eat you first?
(Andre and Tori sit down)
Cat
Robbie!
I wanna live. There's things I've never tried. There's things I really, really, really wanna do.
What do you really, really, really wanna do?
Ride a pony. Take a cooking class. (Robbie pauses, embarrassed) Other things.
I'm sick of this. Ice cream reminds me of my childhood.
Cat
You didn't have a happy childhood?
My favorite toy was a hammer. You finish the puzzle.
(aside, to Jade) You know, you don't have to help.
But, if we win and Kesha does do a private concert, only the people who help find the letters get to come.
[Imitating Tori] Only the people who help find the letters get to come.
(Robbie walks into Tori's house looking beaten)
I went to the playground, I got off my bike, I yelled "Hey, kids, who wants some free ice cream?" And then their mothers chased me into an alley and beat me with sticks.
Cat
Sticks? (Jade chuckles)
One big mom stepped on my neck.
(everyone is at Tori's looking for letters)
Cat
H.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Cat, what'd you say?
Cat
When?
Cat
(pause) I said "when."
Cat
Oh, I said "H".
H? Yes! (everybody runs to Cat)
She's got it! She got the H!
Cat
(laughs) I feel so loved.
Yeah. Didn't you get some more?
Nope. Check Ke$ha's last update. (Tori, Andre, Jade and Cat grab their phones)
(reads the update) "Congrats to the dude in Northridge who found all the letters and spelled out Ke$ha. Thanks for playing. Ke$ha later."
Great. I spent nine hours of my life violating pints of ice cream for nothing.
Well I got stick beat by vicious mothers.
(sadly) I hate everything.
Cat
(stands up) Well... (goes to Tori) ...don't be sad.
I am sad, cause I didn't marry a prince and I don't live in a magic sugar castle, and now, we can't win the Ke$ha concert which means that I gotta keep being Trina's stupid assistant for 28 more days.
Cat
That's so sad.
Come on. It's okay. Maybe...maybe Trina will just forget about it.
I'm playing Susie, right?
(Sikowitz nervously hems and haws, then runs from the room. Jade picks up the paper with the roles)
Cat
Did you get the lead?
(Jade angrily crumples paper and kicks a chair)
I don't think she got it.
Yeah. Her. That! She got the lead!
Cat
What part did you get?
I got cheated and humiliated!
You get used to it. (Robbie nods)
Alright, chill down. Let's see. It says right here, "Jade West, understudy for the role of Susie".
Oh, yee hoo. Like it's my dream to be Tori's understudy.
Aw, man! (throws cup against the wall)
An understudy is like a backup actor.
So if you get sick or something, your understudy takes over for your part in the play.
Yeah, if you get sick, or go missing, or GET HIT BY A BUS! [storms out]
[nervous] Uh... (Jade breaks something) she can't drive a bus, can she?
Victorious · 532 quotes
