[pretending to eat] How's your eggplant?
[pretending to eat also] It's fine. How's your spaghetti?
[stops eating and gets mad] I hate you!
I'm not having spaghetti! I'm having spaghettini!
Tori': Spagettini is a very thin noodle, spaghetti is a relatively fat noodle. We've been over this!
I mean, why did we even take a pasta class together?
But we still have a few more lines.
No, I meant this is done. (holds up jar)
Well, it was a jar of cream, but now that I've shaken it vigorously for an hour, it's butter.
You make your own butter?
I don't know, I refuse to eat dairy. Tori, Beck, take your seats!
(to Tori) If he doesn't eat dairy, why would he -
(holds up hands) I don't know. I don't care.
Alright, for the last few minutes of class, let's talk about the one act play I'm directing.
(everyone stares and waits for him to continue)
You wanna talk about the one act play you're directing?
(in a "you talked me into it" tone) All right...First of all, I want to thank you all for auditioning. The two lead roles will be played by...(everyone leans forward, Cat gasps) Andre and Robbie!
Aw, would anyone else like to be my guardian?
CatDid any of the rest of us get parts?
Aw, is a certain little redhead hoping she got a role in teacher's play?
Cat
(giggles) She is!
Well, she didn't. But, I do need some help with the backstage crew. Jade, Cat, I want you girls on lighting.
Yes, you pronounced it perfectly. Tori, I want you to work with Sinjin's team on special effects.
Okay, but I know like nothing about special effects.
We'll teach you. (they leer at Tori)
(somewhat disgusted)...Lookin' forward to it.
Cat
So...I heard you went out with Jessica Wolf last night...
(walking by) Hi, Tori, Tori's friends.
So, your date with Jessica.
Uh, not according to her last update on TheSlap.
"Last night: Worst date ever."
Oh. Well, um, maybe she went out with some other guy after she went out with me, and then she wrote that about the other guy.
Oh, she was talking about me.
Cat
I love that they call this a catwalk.
(Jade looks at her)
Cat
Because my name is Cat, and look! I'm walking! [starts walking] Walkin' on the catwalk.
If someone was pushed off this catwalk and landed on the floor really hard, do you think they'd live?
Cat
Why are you asking that?
(Cat gasps and runs out)
NNurse
I don't know why your uncle would soak his feet in chicken fat. (pause) Why are you here?
Cat
Oh, cause this puppet had a really bad accident and got hurt, but he doesn't like to be called a puppet.
NNurse
Mmmhmm. And, uh, how did this "puppet" get hurt?
Cat
See, well, my friend Tori was trying to make a tornado happen, but she did it wrong, so the puppet flew across the room into a big jet fan!
NNurse
Oooh, a flying puppet!
Cat
Yeah.
NNurse
That's too bad. (to an orderly) William, would you please take this young woman to our "special room" in section D?
WWilliam
(knowingly) Of course. (takes Cat's arm) Come along.
Cat
Ooh, an adventure!
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait up!
Cat
To a hospital.
We're not really going to the hospital. It's a puppet.
Cat
Not to Robbie.
You know what, maybe we should take Rex to the hospital.
Cat
Jade...
It's not good for a sixteen year old guy to go through life with his hand shoved up a...that. Maybe this happened for a reason.
But if Rex dies, Robbie's gonna-
Get over it? Become a normal person? Yeah, that'd be tragic.
Cat
I used to think my Uncle Jesse was a normal person, but then I found out that every Sunday he soaks his feet in chicken fat. (they all look at Cat)
(after a pause) Let's take Rex to the hospital.
Robbie Somebody's gotta take Rex to the hospital.
Cat
I'll go, too.
Okay, does anyone else think this is bizarre? Come on, it can't just be me. (Andre enters)
All right, all right. Showtime! (pause, looks around) What'd I miss?
Tori tried to murder Rex.
Sinjin! (holds out arms) Here, let me take him.
Cat
We'll take him to the hospital.
I promise. (Robbie kisses Rex, then Tori, Cat and Beck leave)
Well, I'm not missing this. [follows Tori, Cat and Beck]
[singing] It's fun to run, it's fun to play, it's fun to make things out of clay. It's fun to fill your car with gas, it's fun to break things made of glass.
[Everyone starts staring at Robbie.]
[singing] Broken glass can cut your hand and then you bleed across the land. Ask any-
Cat
Well, we have to write a song about something.
Okay, let's think. What do four-year old...little kids like?
Cat
Um...Cartoons?
[singing and strumming] Broken glass.
AAndrè
[Andrè's cell phone vibrates.] Oh, I gotta take this. Back in a sec. [Leaves into the other room.] Hey, how ya doin'?
Oh, right here. On SplashFace, the top seven most popular kiddie songs are all about food.
Cat
So let's write a kiddie song about food.
[singing and playing guitar] Oh, broken glass is not a food, so don't you listen to some dude who says "put cheese on broken glass and make a sand-a-wich out of broken glass."
Okay, would you rather give up the Internet or your foot?
Cat
Foot.
(lifts up knee with Jade's foot on it) Jade's foot.
You would all rather give up a foot then the internet.
Cat
Yeah.
Yeah, but your foot's like a part of your body and the internet's... Yeah, my foot.
Victorious · 532 quotes
