Jade quotes from Victorious

Beck

C'mon!

Beck

We'll both ask her.

Tori

What's goin' on?

Beck

My aunt says we can't go to Cancun.

Tori

Aw, how come?

Beck

She found out I was bringing Jade.

Sikowitz

Hah!

Beck

So we hear some of you guys are going to Yerba?

Tori

Yes. Yes, we are. Would you like to go to Yerba with us, Beck?

Beck

That'd be great, thanks!

Tori

Jade, do you have a question for me?

Jade

(turns her head away, clearly humiliated) Can I come to Yerba?

Tori

Hmmm...maybe. But first...gotta give me a hug! (Jade hesitates) C'mon, c'mon. Just do it! (they hug) See, giving Tori a big ol' hug isn't such a bad thing. (Jade begins to squeeze tighter) Ok, that's really tight. (they fall to the ground) Oh, god, help me!

Jade

...Okay. So before you booked our trip here, you forgot to find out that this is the WORST country on Earth?!

Tori

Yeah.

Sikowitz

Jade, don't be such a Crabby Cathy.

Jade

I have every right to be a Crabby Cat- (they look over at Beck being fawned on by the local girls) Uh, Crabby Cathy is about to get a little bit crabbier.

Cat

I think those girls like Beck's fluffy American hair.

Jade

Clearly. (she advances) Hey! Get your hands off my boyfriend's head!

Jade

You're really gonna let your screechbox of a sister sing with us?

Tori

The guys are gonna keep her mic turned off.

Jade

(imitating Tori) "Oh, that's swell news!" (walks off)

Tori

I DON'T talk like that!

Jade

Whatever.

Tori

...Do I talk like that? (in the same voice) DO I TALK LIKE THAT? No, I don't talk like that.

Jade

Ok, so you're telling me that freak show is a girl?

What are you looking at?

Jade

I'm looking at a big stupid lady in prison, what are you looking at?

Grrr!

Jade

Ohhhh...me make big man-lady mad. (prisoner bangs stick against the fence and walks away) Oooh, good one! Hey, call me, we'll go skirt shopping!

Tori

Must you aggravate my fellow prisoners?

Jade

Yes, I must.

Andre

Man, eating salt is gross!

Tori

Not as gross as the prison food they make us eat in here!

Cat

One time, when my brother was in prison, he told the people in charge he was a vegetarian so they gave him special meals. (Tori looks weirded out) Oh wait, that was on an airplane.

Trina

Large scary lady coming toward us! Large scary lady coming!

Tori

Great! It's the one you called big and stupid the other day!

Jade

Whatever. I'm not scared of this chick.

So, do I still look big and stupid?

Jade

Alright, listen, hot stuff. You better just turn yourself around and walk away from me or- (prisoner shoves Jade to the ground) I like it on the ground.

Trina

Uh, Tori, Tori!

Tori

She's my friend.

Jade

(Imitating Yeah Yeah from The Sandlot) Yeah, yeah, we're super close.

(puts stick under Jade's chin) You are lucky. (says something in Yerbian, drops the stick and walks away)

Jade

I didn't need your help.

Tori

She would have eaten you!

Jade

She wouldn't have liked it. (Cat walks over)

Cat

Hi! Ew, Jade, you're outfit's all dirty.

Jade

(sarcastically) Oh, no, now I'll never win the prison beauty pageant!

Trina

Wait, they have that?

Tori

Okay, well. I’m going home now. Forever.

Beck

No. You’re not leaving this school.

Jade

She has to. [Everyone stares at her] I mean, I feel really bad about it. Seriously, but you know. Bye.

Tori

[to Jade] I think I'll miss you least of all.

Sikowitz

Hello. Your attention please. Up here. I'm waving. See my hand moving to and fro. Please.

Jade

[stands up and yells aggressively] Everybody shut up! [everyone is quiet now and they're all looking at her]

Sikowitz

Ahh Jade, so sweet and feminine.

Sikowitz

Alright, Tori and Jade. You two are going to play husband and wife.

Tori

I'll be the wife.

Jade

Yeah, no kidding.

Sikowitz

Now, here's your brand new synthetically redheaded baby! (turns chair to show Cat in a baby bonnet)

Cat

Wait, before we start, I was just wondering, I have 3 quest– (Sikowitz puts pacifier in her mouth)

Sikowitz

All right, your dialogue should be all friendly and happy, but your subtext is anger, so you must say your happy lines angrily. Action!

Tori

Hey, I am so honkin' happy that we got married and had this cute little baby!

Jade

Ditto to that! I tell you, nothing warms my cockles more than lookin' at this magical pile of baby here!

Cat

Goo!

Tori

Oh, did you hear that "Goo!"?!

Lane

You're all suspects.

Awww, not again.

Tori

Suspects?

Andre

For what happened to Trina?

Lane

(nods) Uh huh.

Cat

But that was an accident.

Jade

Yup. A terrible hilarious accident. That already has 1,700 views!

Lane

Posting videos of people's tragedies is just mean and wrong.

Jade

Yeah. No, thanks, I really appreciate your input on that.

Cat

What's so funny?

Tori

Are you laughing at that video of Trina getting hurt?

Jade

No...I'm laughing at the comments.

Tori

You posted it online?

Jade

A little bit.

Tori

Okay, it was about twenty minutes before the play. I heard Jade come in, yelling for Robbie.

Jade

(bursts in, as a monster) Blearrrrgh!!! Robbie! Me want Robbie, blearrgh!!

Robbie

Okay, hold on. Hold on! There is another person that had a reason to get back at Trina.

Andre

Well, it's not me! All I wanna do is go play with Kiko!

Lane

Who else had a motive to get back at Trina?

Robbie

Cat.

Cat

Hi!

Tori

Cat?

Cat

Whatie?

Jade

Did you cut Trina's harness gimbel?

Cat

No, why would I want to hurt Trina?

Robbie

Cause of what happened between you two right before the play started.

Lane

Well, um...

Andre

Aw no, no! Now we gotta hear another version of the story from a unique point of view? (buries his head in a pillow on the couch and cries)

Robbie

Ok, um... it was an unusually windy day here in Los Angeles...

Tori

Get to the point.

Robbie

Ok, um... Tori had just accidentally whacked Sinjin in the jaw and right about then Cat was helping me with my costume and feeling my muscles when Trina walked by and said...

Trina

(during Robbie's flashback) Hey Robbie, why don't you come backstage with me and help me do my makeup... or whatever?

Robbie

You make me happy.

Cat

(to Trina) Why don't you just get outta here?

Trina

Why don't you?

Robbie

Ladies, come on now. Look, there's 1 of me, 2 of you... (puts his arm around both) ...And 7 swinging days of the week.

Cat

He even makes math hot.

Trina

Robbie's mine!

Cat

He loves me! (Trina hits her) Ow! You thwacked my head! She thwacked my head! I'll get you for that, Trina Vega! I'll get you good!

Tori

(in Jade's flashback, to Jade after she has violently screamed at Trina and punched Sinjin) Why can't I be pretty like you?

Tori

That's not even close to how it happened!

Jade

It's how I remember it.

Tori

Yeah, 'cause you're demented!

Jade

Oooohh, so you think I’m pretty and demented?

Tori

I never said you were pretty. And I never punched Sinjin.

Jade

But you admit you threatened Trina!

Tori

No!

Robbie

Wait, I did kinda hear you tell Trina you were gonna kill her. (Lane looks at Tori in concern)

Cat

So did I. But if you’re gonna try to kill me, too, then all I heard was pretty music. (Everyone looks at her) La la la la la...

Jade

(points to Robbie and Cat) 2 Witnesses.

Andre

Come on now, I know Tori and there's no way she'd ever-- (phone beeps) Aw, it's Kiko. Tori's guilty, I gotta go!

Jade

Well, I guess someone should get this on video.

Jade

(to Cat) Thank you for making me come to this play.

Cat

That poor ranch house! (Trina is still hanging from the wire which then falls to the floor and Cat is hiding her eyes) Please tell me it's over...

Jade

It's over.

Tori

Oh, come on! Nobody here would do that to Trina!

Jade

Except you.

Tori

What, me?

Jade

(imitates Tori and imitating Teddy from Stand by Me) "Who, me? Why, I would never hurt my dear sister, Trina. Not me sweet Sally Peaches!" (smiles innocently)

Tori

I don't TALK LIKE THAT!