Jade quotes from Victorious

(singing) La la la la la...

View quote →

(Tori and Andre walk in on Beck and Jade text fighting)

I wonder what they're text fighting about?

Let's ask 'em. Hey, you guys-

Stay out of it!

Jade

Back off!

(to Andre) I'd rather not get involved.

I think that's best.

View quote →

Man, Sikowitz is ten minutes late.

Where is he?

Jade

Maybe he locked himself in a dark closet because you forced him to watch a play that made his whole life seem like a big pile of garbage. (pause) And I'm gonna have a banana. (takes one)

You know, why don't I just lie on the floor so you can start kicking me?

Jade

...You have that dream, too?

View quote →

Tori. And, um... Elvis. Get up on the, uh... stage thing.

'Kay...

Sure. (they do)

Alright. What'cha uh, want us to do?

Um...a scene. You both have the same line. "Life is pain." So, you just keep saying that to each other. Over and over. Do it, action.

Life is... pain.

(waves) Life is pain.

It certainly is ding, there's the bell, class dismissed. (walks out the window and falls into the bushes)

Jade

Way to go, Tori. You broke Sikowitz!

I did not break Sikowitz. (Sikowitz can be heard moaning) I did not break Sikowitz-- (he moans again) I broke Sikowitz! (he moans a third time as she puts her hand on her head displeased)

View quote →

Jade's not here yet?

Um, about Jade...

Yeah?

Look, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know if she's the right girl to sing my song.

Why not?

I dunno, I just...she scares me.

Jade scares you?

She scares everybody.

(Jade bursts into the room with a pair of scissors)

Jade

I am gonna kill him! (Andre backs off)

What happened?

Jade

Sinjin sat on my new scissors!

Ok, calm down-

Jade

I am not gonna calm down! They're bent! They've lost their sciss! (she throws them across the room and they stick to the wall)

(after a pause) You kids have fun.

View quote →

See? Not so easy to perform a scene when you have a bucket on your head, is it?

...No.

André

It's difficult...

Mm.. Yes. Well, class dismissed.

Jade

But we still have more time.

We do? How much?

55 minutes.

Oh. Oh. Well, actually I do have something I need to discuss with...some of you. Tori, Cat, Andre, Robbie, Jade, please stay. The rest of you may wander the halls. (everyone leaves except them) Thanks for coming, enjoy your day, I'm here all week. Tip your nurses and clowns. (he shuts the door after they all have left)

Why did you make them leave?

I don't know... they never talk.

Yeah, they just sit there and... (makes a reaction) ...'React'.

Jade

So what do you want with us?

Who likes parades?

Antonio Banderas.

Hillbillies.

Jade

No one.

Oh, c'mon, parades are fun.

One time my brother was in a parade, but he was inappropriate, so the parade people called the police, and now he's not allowed to be in parades. (pause) Or be near horses.

Jade

Play with the pretty keys.

Kay-kay. (takes the keys and plays with them)

View quote →

Yay. Cupcake Power. Wooo!

Jade

Hey, Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat. (Cat stops) YOU'RE KILLING ME!

View quote →

Jade

Give me my keys back. (Cat gives them back) Where's my house key? (Cat moans)

I'll take her to the nurse.

(quietly) I swallowed it.

We'll see it again.

View quote →

Okay (sigh)

Okay.

Parade float.

Ideas.

What do we have so far?

Let's see... Oh, we have 2: 'A tribute to the fruits of Mexico' and 'Need good Idea for float.'

What was wrong with my idea?

No one wants to see a parade float called 'The Ladies of North Ridge.'

ARAndré and Robbie

Well...

Come on, guys, be serious. (Trina enters) You wanna look dumb on national tv?

(drops her glass) Who's gonna be on national tv?

We're performing in the Parade Parade.

I'll do it.

Trina...

No, seriously, I'll sing or dance, I can just stand on the float right in front and be the pretty girl. I can totally be the pretty girl.

Alright, let's put it to a vote. All those--

ARAndre, Robbie and Cat

No!

Fine. I don't wanna be in it. I wouldn't be in it if you begged me. (Trina storms out and slams the door, then opens the door after a pause) Just let me be in it?

EEveryone

No!

I don't even wanna be in it. (she runs into Jade on the way out)

Jade

Your sister just elbowed me in my lung.

I'll get you some ice.

Jade

Sit down!

I'm sorry, did someone invite you here?

Jade

Beck told me you guys were appearing on national TV?

So?

Jade

And you think you're doing that without me?

You stormed out of Sikowitz's class. (Jade advances towards him threateningly) I feel that Jade should be included.

View quote →

(Beck and Andre are wearing their pajama costumes)

We don't wanna wear these.

Why don't you guys like your costumes?

(looks down at his costume in disbelief) W-why?

They're candy jammies, they go perfect with our cupcake theme.

Yeah, they do. I think they're rad cool.

Jade

(sarcastic) Yeah, they look adorable.

You know, she wants us all to wear them.

Jade

(turns to Cat) I will pop your head like a zit.

(holds her hands to her head) Graphic.

View quote →

What street are we on?

Yeah, what street?

Let's just say... it ain't Sesame Street. (Oh, wait. That's in New York.)

I love Sesame Street. (starts singing) Sunny--

Jade

NO!

View quote →

Ho ho ho! And...jingle bells. (Andre reaches for Robbie's chair.)

No no Andre, don't do it, don't-(he knocks the chair over and Robbie falls to the floor.) Ohhh, you did it.

Jade

I bet that jingled his bells.

View quote →

How do you go from an A to a D so fast?

Jade

That happened to me in eighth grade.

View quote →

Jade! You're Tori's Secret Santa, and that be that.

Jade

But why do I have to-

(very fast) He said he's not gonna change it, so just deal with it, why don't you just deal with it, why don't you just deal with it?!

(puts his arms on Beck) His heart is vibrating. How much coffee have you drunk?

A lot, like, a lot. I don't know, like, maybe seven cups, a lot, is there a problem?

View quote →

Hi, Secret Santa time!

Jade

(gestures to Beck) You mine or his?

Yours! For you!

Jade

(snatches gift) Give it!

(Tori comes over)

Hey, guys, can I ask you-

Jade

Shut up! I'm opening a Christmas Present!

Grunch

(Jade opens gift)

Jade

Oh, my God, Cat, you did not.

(Cat squeals and giggles)

Scissors?

Jade

They're special scissors!

Ok.

They're from a real movie!

Jade

I cannot believe you got me these.

What movie are they from?

Jade

"The Scissoring."

Wait, that one about the girl that comes back from the dead and uses a pair of scissors on her two best friends?

Yep.

Jade

(twirls scissors and looks at Tori) Starting with the pretty girl.

Oh. Um...anyways. You guys I'm Andre's Secret Santa, and I have like, no clue what to get him.

Just get him a present!

Oh my god...

(touches Cat's shoulder) Okay, help me, please! I don't want to give him the worst present, and then have to go Christmas yodeling with Sikowitz.

Jade

Two words.

I bet they won't be helpful.

Jade

Your problem.

I was right.