Jade quotes from Victorious

Tori

Robbie, what happened?

Robbie

I went to the playground, I got off my bike, I yelled "Hey, kids, who wants some free ice cream?" And then their mothers chased me into an alley and beat me with sticks.

Cat

Sticks? (Jade chuckles)

Robbie

One big mom stepped on my neck.

Jade

Ya gotta love big moms.

Beck

K.

Jade

A.

Tori

A.

Beck

A.

Cat

H.

K.

Tori

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Cat, what'd you say?

Cat

When?

Tori

Just a second ago.

Cat

(pause) I said "when."

Tori

No, before that.

Cat

Oh, I said "H".

Tori

H?

Andre

H? Yes! (everybody runs to Cat)

Robbie

She's got it! She got the H!

Cat

(laughs) I feel so loved.

Beck

(enters) Hey.

Andre

Where's the ice cream?

Tori

Yeah. Didn't you get some more?

Beck

Nope. Check Ke$ha's last update. (Tori, Andre, Jade and Cat grab their phones)

Tori

(reads the update) "Congrats to the dude in Northridge who found all the letters and spelled out Ke$ha. Thanks for playing. Ke$ha later."

Andre

Contest over.

Jade

Great. I spent nine hours of my life violating pints of ice cream for nothing.

Robbie

Well I got stick beat by vicious mothers.

Tori

(sadly) I hate everything.

Cat

(stands up) Well... (goes to Tori) ...don't be sad.

Tori

I am sad, cause I didn't marry a prince and I don't live in a magic sugar castle, and now, we can't win the Ke$ha concert which means that I gotta keep being Trina's stupid assistant for 28 more days.

Cat

That's so sad.

Andre

Come on. It's okay. Maybe...maybe Trina will just forget about it.

Tori

(frustrated after opening the Funky Nut Blast can) No. It's just a dumb... H.

Andre

Well maybe there's another pint.

Jade

(looking in the ice cream freezer) There's not. That's the only Funky Nut Blast.

(concerned) Tori.

Andre

We're in public. Please.

(pointing at Tori) I want to kiss you.

Tori

What?

(pointing at Cat) And her.

(pointing at Jade) And the freaky one.

Jade

What?

Andre

You better stop there.

Jade

I'm playing Susie, right?

Cat

Did you get the lead?

Andre

I don't think she got it.

Robbie

So, who's playing Susie?

Tori

(uncrumples paper) Me.

Jade

Yeah. Her. That! She got the lead!

Cat

What part did you get?

Jade

I got cheated and humiliated!

Sinjin

You get used to it. (Robbie nods)

Andre

Alright, chill down. Let's see. It says right here, "Jade West, understudy for the role of Susie".

Jade

Oh, yee hoo. Like it's my dream to be Tori's understudy.

Tori

What's an understudy?

Jade

Aw, man! (throws cup against the wall)

Robbie

An understudy is like a backup actor.

Andre

So if you get sick or something, your understudy takes over for your part in the play.

Jade

Yeah, if you get sick, or go missing, or GET HIT BY A BUS! [storms out]

Tori

[nervous] Uh... (Jade breaks something) she can't drive a bus, can she?

(to Jade) Are you his girlfriend?

Jade

No, are you?

Tori

Get out!

Jade

No! I'm leaving. [leaves]

Jade

I'll go get her dress off.

Sikowitz

Nooooooo. (grabs her and holds her back)

Jade

She can't play the role and i'm the understudy!

Sikowitz

I don't care; you've been acting like a gank all week. I'm not going to reward you by letting you play the lead!

Jade

There's an audience out there! The show must go on!

Sikowitz

Yes. Yes, it must. And must, it shall!

Tori

I'm O negative? You did go through my medical records.

Jade

[Imitating Tori] "Told you I do my research."

Tori

Are you done with your little sabotage game?

Jade

[Imitating Tori] Done with what little sabotage game?

Tori

Oh, he's coming. Don't let him know we were watching.

Andre

What's up?

Tori

Nothing.

Jade

Not a thing.

Cat

We were not watching you kiss that girl.

Cat

He says he got you the power drill, the clown costume and 12 gallons of blood.

Jade

Wow. Where did he get 12 gallons of fake blood?

Cat

You wanted fake blood? I'll go call my brother.

Jade

(looks at soda can) Nah, I'm still pretty thirsty.

Jade

Give it back.

Tori

Yeah, sure. (licks the top of it, then gives it back) Here.

Jade

Thanks. (drinks from it) Ahhh...

Tori

What, no. I didn't call and cancel the band.

Jade

[Imitating Tori] "Uh, oh. Looks like Tori Vega's prom has turned into one big boopity boo."

Tori

Prome!