Oh, I wish I could go to Karaoke Dokie!
JadeWho cares why she can't?
I was just wondering why she-
Jade
What, you need Tori around to have a good time, is that your point?
Jade
WHAT?
JADE! (turns to her) You're lucky to HAVE Beck. Don't be such a GANK! (Tori smirks)
Oh, Trina's getting her dumb wisdom teeth out today and guess who gets to spend the entire weekend taking care of her?
Okay, um...is it someone famous?
Why can't your parents take care of her?
'Cause they're gonna be in Santa Barbara.
So they don't have to take care of Trina!
Jade
Shucks to be you.
(Cat and Jade approach Hayley and Tara)
Oh, it's you two. I thought I smelled failure.
Then you must have been sniffing yourselves! (to Jade) Pretty good, huh?
Jade
For you.
Hey, look what they got on the menu! Buffalo nuggets! Well that's good news... (laughs) Not for the buffalo...
So...Hollywood Arts...you girls gonna sing tonight?
Jade
Well, we didn't come for the buffalo nuggets.
But we are gonna get some, right?
HEY! We won...'cause WE rock.
Yeah, don't believe everything your daddy says.
Jade
Like when he tells you you're pretty! (Hayley gasps)
Okay, that's it! You guys are banned from singing here ever again.
Jade
Yeah, like we care.
Come on, let's get out of here.
WWaitress
(comes out from behind) Okay, I have your nachos...your sliders...and the buffalo nuggets. (puts them on their table separately, then walks off)
I say we get out of here...right after we finish this food. (the group angrily sits back at the table) Pass the ranch dressing.
Jade
Here.
Jade
Last night, when we went to Karaoke Dokie.
These two girls were really mean to us.
Like... "Jade-level" mean?
No, no, that mean, but really mean.
Jade
And they cheated.
Jade
And they were totally trashing Hollywood Arts.
Jade
Cool. (Tori stares at her confused)
[pretending to eat] How's your eggplant?
[pretending to eat also] It's fine. How's your spaghetti?
[stops eating and gets mad] I hate you!
I'm not having spaghetti! I'm having spaghettini!
Tori': Spagettini is a very thin noodle, spaghetti is a relatively fat noodle. We've been over this!
I mean, why did we even take a pasta class together?
But we still have a few more lines.
No, I meant this is done. (holds up jar)
Well, it was a jar of cream, but now that I've shaken it vigorously for an hour, it's butter.
Jade
You make your own butter?
I don't know, I refuse to eat dairy. Tori, Beck, take your seats!
(to Tori) If he doesn't eat dairy, why would he -
(holds up hands) I don't know. I don't care.
Alright, for the last few minutes of class, let's talk about the one act play I'm directing.
(everyone stares and waits for him to continue)
You wanna talk about the one act play you're directing?
(in a "you talked me into it" tone) All right...First of all, I want to thank you all for auditioning. The two lead roles will be played by...(everyone leans forward, Cat gasps) Andre and Robbie!
Aw, would anyone else like to be my guardian?
Did any of the rest of us get parts?
Aw, is a certain little redhead hoping she got a role in teacher's play?
Well, she didn't. But, I do need some help with the backstage crew. Jade, Cat, I want you girls on lighting.
Jade
Lighting?
Yes, you pronounced it perfectly. Tori, I want you to work with Sinjin's team on special effects.
Okay, but I know like nothing about special effects.
We'll teach you. (they leer at Tori)
(somewhat disgusted)...Lookin' forward to it.
I love that they call this a catwalk.
(Jade looks at her)
Because my name is Cat, and look! I'm walking! [starts walking] Walkin' on the catwalk.
Jade
If someone was pushed off this catwalk and landed on the floor really hard, do you think they'd live?
Why are you asking that?
Jade
No reason.
(Cat gasps and runs out)
(Rex is in a hospital bed)
DDoctor
So when this Robbie kid gets here-
You say that Rex isn't doing well, let him say goodbye, and then beeeep. Dead Rex.
DDoctor
(pause) Why can't my son be handsome like you?
Jade
[holds up jar] What's this?
DDoctor
Oh, just a fatty lump I removed from a cab driver's back.
Jade
Can I have it?
DDoctor
(incredulously) What school do you kids go to? [Jade takes the jar, smiling] I have to go see another patient, I'll be back in twenty minutes.
Jade
I like to look at it.
Jade
Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait up!
Jade
Where are you all going?
We're not really going to the hospital. It's a puppet.
Jade
You know what, maybe we should take Rex to the hospital.
Jade
So he can die there.
Jade
It's not good for a sixteen year old guy to go through life with his hand shoved up a...that. Maybe this happened for a reason.
But if Rex dies, Robbie's gonna-
Jade
Get over it? Become a normal person? Yeah, that'd be tragic.
I used to think my Uncle Jesse was a normal person, but then I found out that every Sunday he soaks his feet in chicken fat. (they all look at Cat)
(after a pause) Let's take Rex to the hospital.
Robbie Somebody's gotta take Rex to the hospital.
Jade
Okay, does anyone else think this is bizarre? Come on, it can't just be me. (Andre enters)
All right, all right. Showtime! (pause, looks around) What'd I miss?
Tori tried to murder Rex.
Sinjin! (holds out arms) Here, let me take him.
We'll take him to the hospital.
I promise. (Robbie kisses Rex, then Tori, Cat and Beck leave)
Jade
Well, I'm not missing this. [follows Tori, Cat and Beck]
Victorious · 532 quotes
