Tori quotes from Victorious

Jade

You're really gonna let your screechbox of a sister sing with us?

Tori

The guys are gonna keep her mic turned off.

Jade

(imitating Tori) "Oh, that's swell news!" (walks off)

Tori

I DON'T talk like that!

Jade

Whatever.

Tori

...Do I talk like that? (in the same voice) DO I TALK LIKE THAT? No, I don't talk like that.

ADMIT you did this to me on porpoise.

Tori

No! It was just a shoe malfunction!

ADMIT you did this on PORPOISE, and your punishment will be not as bad.

Tori

BUT I DIDN'T DO IT ON PORPOISE!

Jade

Ok, so you're telling me that freak show is a girl?

What are you looking at?

Jade

I'm looking at a big stupid lady in prison, what are you looking at?

Grrr!

Jade

Ohhhh...me make big man-lady mad. (prisoner bangs stick against the fence and walks away) Oooh, good one! Hey, call me, we'll go skirt shopping!

Tori

Must you aggravate my fellow prisoners?

Jade

Yes, I must.

Andre

Man, eating salt is gross!

Tori

Not as gross as the prison food they make us eat in here!

Cat

One time, when my brother was in prison, he told the people in charge he was a vegetarian so they gave him special meals. (Tori looks weirded out) Oh wait, that was on an airplane.

Trina

Large scary lady coming toward us! Large scary lady coming!

Tori

Great! It's the one you called big and stupid the other day!

Jade

Whatever. I'm not scared of this chick.

So, do I still look big and stupid?

Jade

Alright, listen, hot stuff. You better just turn yourself around and walk away from me or- (prisoner shoves Jade to the ground) I like it on the ground.

Trina

Uh, Tori, Tori!

Tori

She's my friend.

Jade

(Imitating Yeah Yeah from The Sandlot) Yeah, yeah, we're super close.

(puts stick under Jade's chin) You are lucky. (says something in Yerbian, drops the stick and walks away)

Jade

I didn't need your help.

Tori

She would have eaten you!

Jade

She wouldn't have liked it. (Cat walks over)

Cat

Hi! Ew, Jade, you're outfit's all dirty.

Jade

(sarcastically) Oh, no, now I'll never win the prison beauty pageant!

Trina

Wait, they have that?

Hello bodys! Who wants mushroom?

Tori

No one!

Cat

I love mushrooms!

Tori

Cat!

Cat

I hate mushrooms?

Sikowitz

Wait! Who's that guy?

Tori

He's...a woman.

Sikowitz

Dear Ghandi! (runs into the duck truck, and the episode ends as the truck takes off and passes by a pavement that reads "NO ESCAPING" while the gang cheers)

Tori

Okay, well. I’m going home now. Forever.

Beck

No. You’re not leaving this school.

Jade

She has to. [Everyone stares at her] I mean, I feel really bad about it. Seriously, but you know. Bye.

Tori

[to Jade] I think I'll miss you least of all.

Tori

Wait, who are you?

My name is Helen. I'm the new principal of Hollywood Arts.

Tori

[to Robbie] You shouldn't park your bike there.

Sikowitz

Alright, Tori and Jade. You two are going to play husband and wife.

Tori

I'll be the wife.

Jade

Yeah, no kidding.

Sikowitz

Now, here's your brand new synthetically redheaded baby! (turns chair to show Cat in a baby bonnet)

Cat

Wait, before we start, I was just wondering, I have 3 quest– (Sikowitz puts pacifier in her mouth)

Sikowitz

All right, your dialogue should be all friendly and happy, but your subtext is anger, so you must say your happy lines angrily. Action!

Tori

Hey, I am so honkin' happy that we got married and had this cute little baby!

Jade

Ditto to that! I tell you, nothing warms my cockles more than lookin' at this magical pile of baby here!

Cat

Goo!

Tori

Oh, did you hear that "Goo!"?!

Tori

How’s Trina?

Andre

Is she alright?

Cat

How’s the ranch house?

Lane

Trina's banged up but she's going to be fine. Nothing serious.

Lane

You're all suspects.

Awww, not again.

Tori

Suspects?

Andre

For what happened to Trina?

Lane

(nods) Uh huh.

Cat

But that was an accident.

Jade

Yup. A terrible hilarious accident. That already has 1,700 views!

Lane

Posting videos of people's tragedies is just mean and wrong.

Jade

Yeah. No, thanks, I really appreciate your input on that.

Cat

What's so funny?

Tori

Are you laughing at that video of Trina getting hurt?

Jade

No...I'm laughing at the comments.

Tori

You posted it online?

Jade

A little bit.

Robbie

Why'd you cast Trina as the lead girl?

Tori

I didn't want to. You know my Cuddly Cathy doll that I love and I've had since I was five years old?

Andre

Nah, I don't know what you're talking about.

Robbie

No, you've never mentioned it.

Tori

Oh. Well, Trina kidnapped her, and she wouldn't give her back unless-

Robbie

Unless you gave Trina the lead.

Tori

Yep.

Andre

That's jacked up.

Robbie

Yeah, but don't you think you're a little old to be playing with dolls?

Right!

Robbie

I know!

Tori

Okay, it was about twenty minutes before the play. I heard Jade come in, yelling for Robbie.

Jade

(bursts in, as a monster) Blearrrrgh!!! Robbie! Me want Robbie, blearrgh!!

Robbie

Okay, hold on. Hold on! There is another person that had a reason to get back at Trina.

Andre

Well, it's not me! All I wanna do is go play with Kiko!

Lane

Who else had a motive to get back at Trina?

Robbie

Cat.

Cat

Hi!

Tori

Cat?

Cat

Whatie?

Jade

Did you cut Trina's harness gimbel?

Cat

No, why would I want to hurt Trina?

Robbie

Cause of what happened between you two right before the play started.

Lane

Well, um...

Andre

Aw no, no! Now we gotta hear another version of the story from a unique point of view? (buries his head in a pillow on the couch and cries)

Robbie

Ok, um... it was an unusually windy day here in Los Angeles...

Tori

Get to the point.

Robbie

Ok, um... Tori had just accidentally whacked Sinjin in the jaw and right about then Cat was helping me with my costume and feeling my muscles when Trina walked by and said...

Trina

(during Robbie's flashback) Hey Robbie, why don't you come backstage with me and help me do my makeup... or whatever?

Robbie

You make me happy.

Cat

(to Trina) Why don't you just get outta here?

Trina

Why don't you?

Robbie

Ladies, come on now. Look, there's 1 of me, 2 of you... (puts his arm around both) ...And 7 swinging days of the week.

Cat

He even makes math hot.

Trina

Robbie's mine!

Cat

He loves me! (Trina hits her) Ow! You thwacked my head! She thwacked my head! I'll get you for that, Trina Vega! I'll get you good!