Tori quotes from Victorious

Tori

(in Jade's flashback, to Jade after she has violently screamed at Trina and punched Sinjin) Why can't I be pretty like you?

Tori

That's not even close to how it happened!

Jade

It's how I remember it.

Tori

Yeah, 'cause you're demented!

Jade

Oooohh, so you think I’m pretty and demented?

Tori

I never said you were pretty. And I never punched Sinjin.

Jade

But you admit you threatened Trina!

Tori

No!

Robbie

Wait, I did kinda hear you tell Trina you were gonna kill her. (Lane looks at Tori in concern)

Cat

So did I. But if you’re gonna try to kill me, too, then all I heard was pretty music. (Everyone looks at her) La la la la la...

Jade

(points to Robbie and Cat) 2 Witnesses.

Andre

Come on now, I know Tori and there's no way she'd ever-- (phone beeps) Aw, it's Kiko. Tori's guilty, I gotta go!

Cat

Don't worry. One time, when my brother was in Vegas, he fell out of a fourth story hotel window and landed on the roof of a shuttle bus.

Tori

(looking worried) And he was okay?

Cat

No...

Tori

Well, but he's okay now?

Cat

No... he's seriously messed up.

Tori

Oh, come on! Nobody here would do that to Trina!

Jade

Except you.

Tori

What, me?

Jade

(imitates Tori and imitating Teddy from Stand by Me) "Who, me? Why, I would never hurt my dear sister, Trina. Not me sweet Sally Peaches!" (smiles innocently)

Tori

I don't TALK LIKE THAT!

Andre

I wonder what they're text fighting about?

Tori

Let's ask 'em. Hey, you guys-

Beck

Stay out of it!

Jade

Back off!

Tori

(to Andre) I'd rather not get involved.

Andre

I think that's best.

Tori

Oh, come on, for his ten year teaching anniversary you guys don't think he deserves a better present than a one cup coffee maker?

They should have got him a pair of shoes. I'm tired of looking at that hippy's hairy feet.

Robbie

I think Sikowitz has cute feet.

Man, Sikowitz is ten minutes late.

Tori

Where is he?

Jade

Maybe he locked himself in a dark closet because you forced him to watch a play that made his whole life seem like a big pile of garbage. (pause) And I'm gonna have a banana. (takes one)

Tori

You know, why don't I just lie on the floor so you can start kicking me?

Jade

...You have that dream, too?

Sikowitz

Tori. And, um... Elvis. Get up on the, uh... stage thing.

Tori

'Kay...

Beck

Sure. (they do)

Tori

Alright. What'cha uh, want us to do?

Sikowitz

Um...a scene. You both have the same line. "Life is pain." So, you just keep saying that to each other. Over and over. Do it, action.

Tori

Life is... pain.

Beck

(waves) Life is pain.

Sikowitz

It certainly is ding, there's the bell, class dismissed. (walks out the window and falls into the bushes)

Jade

Way to go, Tori. You broke Sikowitz!

Tori

I did not break Sikowitz. (Sikowitz can be heard moaning) I did not break Sikowitz-- (he moans again) I broke Sikowitz! (he moans a third time as she puts her hand on her head displeased)

Tori

That means "I forgot to wear underwear".

Sikowitz

Are you sure? Because I thought... (checks) Yep, it does.

Tori

Where'd you get those standees of Cat?

Robbie

Well, I just...brought 'em from home.

Tori

Why do you have-

Robbie

I'm a tutor, and I don't like to talk about things I do at my house!

Tori

Sorry.

Robbie

Ok, remember everything we went over?

Tori

I think so.

Robbie

Good. Now if you can do this last exercise in under thirty seconds, you should be able to pass your exam, no prob.

Tori

Does Cat know you have these?

Robbie

No...and don't tell her!

Tori

Come on..you were tired, it was almost midnight. You were alone together and you were writing a song..that's an emotional thing! Maybe you just forgot that she's a mean vicious girl with deep psychological problems..

André

Yeah..maybe I just forgot those things..

Sikowitz

See? Not so easy to perform a scene when you have a bucket on your head, is it?

Tori

...No.

André

It's difficult...

Sikowitz

Mm.. Yes. Well, class dismissed.

Jade

But we still have more time.

Sikowitz

We do? How much?

Robbie

55 minutes.

Sikowitz

Oh. Oh. Well, actually I do have something I need to discuss with...some of you. Tori, Cat, Andre, Robbie, Jade, please stay. The rest of you may wander the halls. (everyone leaves except them) Thanks for coming, enjoy your day, I'm here all week. Tip your nurses and clowns. (he shuts the door after they all have left)

Cat

Why did you make them leave?

Sikowitz

I don't know... they never talk.

Tori

Yeah, they just sit there and... (makes a reaction) ...'React'.

Jade

So what do you want with us?

Sikowitz

Who likes parades?

Robbie

Antonio Banderas.

Hillbillies.

Jade

No one.

Sikowitz

Oh, c'mon, parades are fun.

Cat

One time my brother was in a parade, but he was inappropriate, so the parade people called the police, and now he's not allowed to be in parades. (pause) Or be near horses.

Jade

Play with the pretty keys.

Cat

Kay-kay. (takes the keys and plays with them)

Jade

Give me my keys back. (Cat gives them back) Where's my house key? (Cat moans)

Tori

I'll take her to the nurse.

Cat

(quietly) I swallowed it.

Tori

We'll see it again.

Cat

Okay (sigh)

André

Okay.

Robbie

Parade float.

André

Ideas.

Cat

What do we have so far?

Tori

Let's see... Oh, we have 2: 'A tribute to the fruits of Mexico' and 'Need good Idea for float.'

What was wrong with my idea?

Tori

No one wants to see a parade float called 'The Ladies of North Ridge.'

Well...

Tori

Come on, guys, be serious. (Trina enters) You wanna look dumb on national tv?

Trina

(drops her glass) Who's gonna be on national tv?

Cat

We're performing in the Parade Parade.

Trina

I'll do it.

Tori

Trina...

Trina

No, seriously, I'll sing or dance, I can just stand on the float right in front and be the pretty girl. I can totally be the pretty girl.

Tori

Alright, let's put it to a vote. All those--

No!

Trina

Fine. I don't wanna be in it. I wouldn't be in it if you begged me. (Trina storms out and slams the door, then opens the door after a pause) Just let me be in it?

No!

Trina

I don't even wanna be in it. (she runs into Jade on the way out)

Jade

Your sister just elbowed me in my lung.

Robbie

I'll get you some ice.

Jade

Sit down!

Tori

I'm sorry, did someone invite you here?

Jade

Beck told me you guys were appearing on national TV?

Tori

So?

Jade

And you think you're doing that without me?

Andre

You stormed out of Sikowitz's class. (Jade advances towards him threateningly) I feel that Jade should be included.

Andre

We don't wanna wear these.

Cat

Why don't you guys like your costumes?

Beck

(looks down at his costume in disbelief) W-why?

Cat

They're candy jammies, they go perfect with our cupcake theme.

Robbie

Yeah, they do. I think they're rad cool.

Jade

(sarcastic) Yeah, they look adorable.

Tori

You know, she wants us all to wear them.

Jade

(turns to Cat) I will pop your head like a zit.

Cat

(holds her hands to her head) Graphic.

Tori

Hey, hey! Can you help us? We need our tire fixed.

We'll fix your tire real good.