Tori quotes from Victorious

(yells) HEY!

Tori

Kiss the shrub!

Trina

Ke$ha, wait.

No, you're weird.

Tori

[stops Trina] Trina! Ke$ha, I am so sorry about her.

Is she your sister?

Tori

Yeah.

I'm sorry for you.

Tori

Everyone is.

[touches Tori's cheek] Are those real cheekbones?

Tori

Yeah.

Jade

I'm playing Susie, right?

Cat

Did you get the lead?

Andre

I don't think she got it.

Robbie

So, who's playing Susie?

Tori

(uncrumples paper) Me.

Jade

Yeah. Her. That! She got the lead!

Cat

What part did you get?

Jade

I got cheated and humiliated!

Sinjin

You get used to it. (Robbie nods)

Andre

Alright, chill down. Let's see. It says right here, "Jade West, understudy for the role of Susie".

Jade

Oh, yee hoo. Like it's my dream to be Tori's understudy.

Tori

What's an understudy?

Jade

Aw, man! (throws cup against the wall)

Robbie

An understudy is like a backup actor.

Andre

So if you get sick or something, your understudy takes over for your part in the play.

Jade

Yeah, if you get sick, or go missing, or GET HIT BY A BUS! [storms out]

Tori

[nervous] Uh... (Jade breaks something) she can't drive a bus, can she?

Tori

Get out!

Jade

No! I'm leaving. [leaves]

Tori

Oh, and... uh, Robbie?

Robbie

Yeah?

Tori

Spongebob underwear? [Robbie covers his abdomen in embarrassment]

Tori

I'm O negative? You did go through my medical records.

Jade

[Imitating Tori] "Told you I do my research."

Tori

Are you done with your little sabotage game?

Jade

[Imitating Tori] Done with what little sabotage game?

Cat

It's raining.

Tori

I know.

Cat

Should we stop?

Andre

Or do you want to keep going?

Tori

Oh, he's coming. Don't let him know we were watching.

Andre

What's up?

Tori

Nothing.

Jade

Not a thing.

Cat

We were not watching you kiss that girl.

Jade

(looks at soda can) Nah, I'm still pretty thirsty.

Jade

Give it back.

Tori

Yeah, sure. (licks the top of it, then gives it back) Here.

Jade

Thanks. (drinks from it) Ahhh...

Tori

What, no. I didn't call and cancel the band.

Jade

[Imitating Tori] "Uh, oh. Looks like Tori Vega's prom has turned into one big boopity boo."

Tori

Prome!

Beck

C'mon!

Beck

We'll both ask her.

Tori

What's goin' on?

Beck

My aunt says we can't go to Cancun.

Tori

Aw, how come?

Beck

She found out I was bringing Jade.

Sikowitz

Hah!

Beck

So we hear some of you guys are going to Yerba?

Tori

Yes. Yes, we are. Would you like to go to Yerba with us, Beck?

Beck

That'd be great, thanks!

Tori

Jade, do you have a question for me?

Jade

(turns her head away, clearly humiliated) Can I come to Yerba?

Tori

Hmmm...maybe. But first...gotta give me a hug! (Jade hesitates) C'mon, c'mon. Just do it! (they hug) See, giving Tori a big ol' hug isn't such a bad thing. (Jade begins to squeeze tighter) Ok, that's really tight. (they fall to the ground) Oh, god, help me!

Trina

I'm never playing mini golf with you guys again!

Holly

Promise?!

Tori

What happened?

Holly

Trina missed a putt, so she got upset and threw a golf club at her father!

Trina

NO, I threw the golf club and Dad just stood there and let it hit him!

David

(comes in with a bruised nose) Well...that was fun...

Beck

Our friend is hallucinating!

Tori

An escaped prisoner crashed through our window and was dragged out by Yerbian soldiers!

Cat

And our bed is lumpy.

Jade

...Okay. So before you booked our trip here, you forgot to find out that this is the WORST country on Earth?!

Tori

Yeah.

Sikowitz

Jade, don't be such a Crabby Cathy.

Jade

I have every right to be a Crabby Cat- (they look over at Beck being fawned on by the local girls) Uh, Crabby Cathy is about to get a little bit crabbier.

Cat

I think those girls like Beck's fluffy American hair.

Jade

Clearly. (she advances) Hey! Get your hands off my boyfriend's head!