Pete quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Pete

Guys' night out.

Sharon

I'm a guy!

Berg

You lost your guy rights when you put on the scarf.

Pete

I love Melissa, just not at a Celtic game, you know? I mean every time they miss a shot, she says, "It's gonna be okay sweetie."

Bill

What does Sharon do?

Pete

Ah well, Sharon screams, "Hey! You make 7 million a year. Make the (Berg slams the pizza paddle on the counter)-ing shot!"

Pete

Oh Berg, no more medical experiments.

Berg

Just remember my eyedrop experiment paid for that couch.

Pete

Hey, Berg? What color would you say that couch is?

Berg

(squinting at the grey couch.) I don't know...blue!

Berg

Sharon hasn't been around all week, so I couldn't score stamps.

Pete

Oh. Oh well, listen...I'll give you the name of her connection. The post office!

Berg

Oh-ho-ho-kay! Trumpet swans, Big Brothers, soda? Come on!

Pete

Don't let him suck you in! Anyone with a yard this nice has to have something buried underneath.

Pete

Berg? Berg, do you notice something different about our Sharon?

Berg

No, nothing. Except that somebody gift-wrapped her neck.

Sharon

I gotta get to work.

Berg

Work? Or is Ted whisking you away to Scarf Warehouse?

Pete

Or House of Scarves.

Berg

Scarf Depot!

Pete

Jiffy Scarves!

Berg

We're gonna have to be--

Pete

No, no-no-no, don't say it!

Berg

--mature.

Pete

Oh, there, you said it.

Berg

I got stamps. Legends of the Rodeo: a thirty-two cent salute to a bygone era.

Pete

What's wrong with you?

Pete

We're playing the Bulls!

Berg

The Celtics are playing the Bulls. You...didn't make the team.

Berg

She knows.

Pete

She does?

Berg

Act dumb.

Pete

"We are dumb.

Sharon

Are you guys nuts?

Berg

I'm nuts...this is my partner, pretzels.

Pete

What seems to be the problem, ma'am?

Berg

So what am I supposed to do?

Sharon

Yeah, Pete, I hope you and Melissa really gave some thought to how this is gonna affect Berg.

Berg

No, what am I supposed to do when I see her? Around the neighbourhood or at the pizza place. Do I like... hide behind a mailbox? Do I say 'Hello'? Do I try to trip her?

Pete

You say 'Hi' to her you big dummy. When she comes in to the pizza place you treat her like everybody else.

Sharon

Yeah, you just screw up her order and give her the wrong change.

Pete

Bill, if you sponsor us it will be great publicity for the pizza place.

Bill

Yeah, like the 1985 Beacon Street Little Cheeses.

Pete

But they made the headlines.

Bill

For being the first team in Little League history to lose every game. They were always drowning their sorrows in my free pizzas. They got so fat I had to drive them to the games in groups of three.

Pete

Who are you to tell me what I need?

Berg

I'm your doctor.

Pete

You're not well enough to be anyone's doctor.

Pete

Where do I meet this rebound girl?

Berg

I don't know. Sharon, where do guys meet you?