Pete quotes from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place

Pete

Most architects, when they graduate they only have a bunch of blueprints. I am going to have a 12,000 square-foot resume.

Berg

Man! You're gonna need one hell of a manila envelope.

Berg

Socrates, meet Guy With Removable Brain! Removable Brain, meet Pete!

Pete

Nice haircut!

Bill

You know, Ellen and I always dreamed of having a son who becomes a doctor.

Pete

Bill. What about an architect?

Bill

Hey, I've already got a building. I need free medical!

Berg

You have an ethical duty to tell the truth.

Pete

Sharon, you work for a chemical company - you have no ethics!

Pete

Wait, you're not actually going to listen to him?!

Sharon

Well...

Pete

Wait, this is Berg! The same guy who wanted to put a Bat-Pole between our apartments!

Sharon

Yeah... But now he's a doctor!

Pete

He's not a doctor!

Pete

Am I the only one who knows what's going on here?

Mr. Bauer

You are not alone, my friend! I was once the favorite, everyone looked up to me, and then along came the new kid on the block - Buzz Lightyear! Showing off all his fancy gadgets to all my friends; I was just a pull-string cowboy, how could I compete?

Mr. Bauer

And then!

Pete

Oh, God!

Mr. Bauer

What do you know, I get thrown in the toy-box along with Potato Head and Slinky Dog. Huh! To Infinity and Beyond my ass!

Pete

Okay, um, you're welcome. I mean, thanks. I mean, thanks for welcoming me.

You're welcome.

Pete

Thanks!

Pete

Okay. (throwing his cards in the air and gesturing wildly) I see-- I see huge, crazy shapes! Right, and-and-and a giant-- a giant Jack-in-the-Box!

A Jack-in-the-Box?!

Pete

Yeah! Yeah, a giant Jack-in-the-Box, th-th-that'll pop up and great the visitors, it-it's coned head swaying two storeys high! And, oh! And it'll say something like, like, "Ha-ha-ha! Hello, Boys and Girls!"

Berg

Mr. Dunville has accidentally ingested a medication which is causing the delusional behaviour you're witnessing.

Pete

I don't even know this guy, but look at the excitement that the Jack-in-the-Box is causing! It's infectious!

Berg

You drank my alergesic medication. You're sweating, you're stammering, you're delusional!

Pete

You don't know what I'm talking about, Berg, I'm just a little nervous.

Berg

Oh yeah? Then what kind of museum has a huge... Jack-in-the-Box? And stupid voices going, "Ha-ha! Hello, Boys and Girls!"

Pete

A Children's Museum?

Berg

...what?

Pete

This is for a Children's Museum, Berg.

Berg

Ohh!

Pete

Sharon, he's ruining my presentation! (Turning to the panel.) He's ruining my presentation!

Yes, we're all aware of that.

Sharon

(grabbing Berg's arm and leading him out.) We'll be going.

Are you sure you don't want to spin plates as a finale?

Sharon

Listen, pal, I've had a really bad day!

Join the club!

Sharon

Hey, you want a piece of me, huh?

Berg

(Makes Star Trek noises into voice recorder and does Captain Kirk impression) Captain's Log, Stardate 644.1: The... Klingons have surrounded us and are attempting to board the Enterprise. Kirk Out. (To panel) Mr. Sulu, take us to Warp Factor 8. Chekov! Nice dress.

Sharon

Berg!

Berg

Klingons! (To Pete) Bones!

Pete

Idiot!

Sharon

Berg, get out here, right now!

Berg

Scotty! Beam. Me. Up. Now! (To room) Wait here! I'll send help.

Berg

I screwed up big time.

Pete

Finally! An accurate diagnosis.

Pete

You're scared because you might finally care about something.

Berg

Then why do I screw up?

Pete

Because you're Berg!

Berg

"Mr. Sulu" called last night. You got the job.

Pete

I got the job? How can that be?

Berg

It's right here: Loved your designs. Hate your friends.

Pete

How come you didn't tell me they called last night?

Berg

Well last night I was too busy arguing with the sofa!